Just Finished Eight Antacids and Four Ibuprofen

Monday Morning, 6:30 am.

Wake up exhausted and slightly hungover after being gone all weekend in Port Townsend. Stumble around.

Work: Very important Monday 8:00 AM Meeting with my boss, her boss, and his boss.

(While I am ON THE PHONE FOR MY MEETING): Work also calls on the other line. "Need your urgent attention for these major parts of the next Korean class, starting in a month."

Work, again: "The director and deputy director of the business unit we were hoping to utilize for our Kuwait plan just resigned."

Work, again: "Have you ordered those books for the Korean class starting on Monday?"

Work, again. "You've scheduled that celebratory lunch for the end of one of your Korean projects already? Oh. Can you change the reservation from 6 to 16? And where's the certificate?"

Barely 8:15 AM, still on the phone with my boss, her boss, and his boss.

St Louis Work: "SHIT WE FORGOT SOMETHING FOR THE MAJOR KOREAN TRIP." I am on the phone with St. Louis for the next three hours.

Tuesday morning.

Kitchen: "I'm a mess. Please clean me."

Bathroom sink: "I've been clogged for a week and I'm still clogged."

Closet: “All your pants are too big because you’ve lost ten pounds and haven’t taken the time to go shopping. You look terrible in whatever you’re about to put on."

Face: “You haven’t washed me since Saturday and I’m going to fuss about it.”

Hair: “Seriously, my split ends are about to grow spider babies, and my roots are four inches long.”

Work: “Surprise! Brand new 8:00 am meeting with St. Louis!”

My apartment manager, who has been on vacation for a week, calls. "Remember that two bedroom you were going to move in to? The couple wants to switch ASAP. Can you move this weekend?"

Roommate calls. "Remember I'm going to be out of town all day Saturday for the naming ceremony for the baseball field celebrating my grandfather's memory?"

Me, calling Eric. "PLEASE let us move NEXT weekend?"

Personal: "Hey, want to go away with me to a sunny and warm location next weekend? I leave on Thursday, right in the middle of the major Korean Trip and over the weekend when you’re now supposed to move.”

Me: “Um...”

Him: "Buy a bikini, no excuses."

Work calls again. "That new six-person Korean class starting on Monday--you have everything for that, right?"

Work: "Also, that major Korean three-day meeting that starts next Tuesday--your customers want those hotel reservations changed to downtown Seattle, and have you booked the Boeing Transportation yet?"

Personal: "Hey," an old flame says. "Are we still on for that Tuesday night drink and catch up?"

St Louis Work: "WE STILL HAVEN’T SOLVED THAT MAJOR THING WE FORGOT FOR THE ST. LOUIS TRIP."

*Long St. Louis Work Meeting*

Vet calls: "Hi, why haven't you come to pick up Titan's medicine yet? We close at six."

Work: "Have you ordered those books for the Korean class starting on Monday?"

Work: "Please also address these five emergencies for Co-Worker #1, who has been pulled away to work India."

Gary Manuel: “Hi, just calling to remind you that you have a hair appointment on Wednesday afternoon."

Personal: "Hey, want to come shopping with me Wednesday evening?"

Blondie #1: "Hey, the girls and I are getting drinks on Wednesday night! Come or be yelled at."

St. Louis work: “STILL HAVEN’T FIXED MAJOR THING.”

Work: "Given that our first plan just fell through, please take a little time and put together a comprehensive strategy for our entire technical approach in Kuwait for the next six years. Should total about 1.2 billion dollars."

Personal: "We’re still on for that movie on Thursday, right? See you at 6:30. DO NOT BE LATE."

Work: "Please write up a contract amendment for the three Korean projects we're going to be short on. Have that ready by Tuesday. Thanks."

Wednesday Morning.

Kitchen: "I'm still a mess, only more so. PLEASE clean me."

Bathroom Sink: "Hi, I'm still clogged. I know you just had the plumber out here two weeks ago, but I'm still very clogged."

Face: “Wow, I look terrible.”

Hair: “You saw an old flame WITH ME LIKE THIS?"

Closet: “Remember how you don’t have any pants that fit you? Piling them all on your bed is not going to help.”

Sound Transit: "Hey, we have your bike down at the bus station--come by anytime that is convenient for you."

St. Louis work: “Congratulations on fixing major thing. Here’s the next six problems.”

St. Louis work: "I can’t change hotels to stay with our Korean customer—too much to do in Kent. Since you live in downtown Seattle, if we rent you a van, can you walk to their hotel every day at 7:30, and drive them to Kent by 8:30? Thanks. I don’t want to pay over $140 a night."

Work: “Please attend five hours of meetings today.”

Work: “How’s the $1.2 billion Kuwait strategy coming along?”

Work: “What about all these other things for the Korean class that started in a month?”

Blondie, Personal, and Gary Manuel, in unison: “COME SEE ME TONIGHT!”

Thursday Morning.

Kitchen: "I'm now completely unusable and it takes ten minutes to get a glass of water. Let me remind you that you're supposed to move this weekend."

Bathroom Sink: "I'm now going to add ten minutes to your morning routine due to clogging, because I hate you.”

Closet: “It now takes you an additional ten minutes (after the additional ten minutes for the unusable kitchen and the additional additional ten minutes for the clogged bathroom sink) to find anything to wear because you’ve lost ten pounds and nothing fits and you still haven’t gone shopping.”

Acne: “Hi, just showing up to join the party! You haven’t washed your face in at least four days and I hate you! LOL!”

Work: KUWAIT KUWAIT KUWAIT.

Stomach: “I'M GOING TO CRAMP UP NOW.”

Work: MAJOR KOREAN TWO-HOUR CELEBRATION LUNCH.

Me: *whimpers*