So There I Was...

Titan and I were just walking along, minding our own business, passing a pair of dogs with their owner, when all of a sudden there was an Altercation with one of the dogs. I tried not to panic, stayed out of the way, grabbed Titan's leash when I could (NEVER get in the way of a dog fight!)--and pulled him out. The dog owner and I exchanged "Ohmigod, are you okay?"s, and after giving Titan the once over in the dark, we went ahead and walked on to my apartment.

On the way into my apartment, Titan rubbed his left ear on the wall and I didn't think anything of it. We entered my apartment, with Titan shaking his head as if to dislodge something from his ear, and suddenly I noticed that I had a drop of blood on my hand.

"I must have gotten scratched during that brawl," I thought, and that was the last coherent thought I had for some time, because it was about then that I noticed that half of Titan's ear was missing. And like a camera coming into focus, I lifted up mine eyes and saw a sea of blood, all over my apartment, all over the floor, all over my papers and in my wine glass and all over the walls and door and mirrors. I thought about Titan rubbing his ear on the wall up the stairs to my apartment and, dreading what I might see, opened my apartment door again.

Oh. Blog. It looked exactly like Jason had dropped by my apartment building and stopped for a second to clean his chain saw. A huge swath of dog blood ran the entire length of the wall.

And then a lot happened all at once. I dragged Titan into the bathroom, washed his ear, and tried for the life of me to stick a bandage on it. Let me tell you how hard it is to get a bandage--ANY bandage--to stick to a furry, soft, flexible ear. Every time I'd think I had it on there, he'd shake it off--and spray the bathroom walls, shower curtain, and mirror with more blood.

Finally I got it somewhat bandaged and dragged him into the hallway while I used hydrogen peroxide on the blood stains, and about then I had to call for help. Fortunately a very nice boy had some good advice and offered his services.

"Just come over here," he said, himself the owner of a big dog. "I have liquid skin, and a big plastic cone. I'll help."

On the way, flustered and lost, I ended up in U Village and thought I would take the time to get bandages at the Bartells. And then I looked at myself. I looked exactly like I'd been in a room with blood spatter--it was on my skin, on my arms, all over my white tank top, and of course I'd been too flustered to bring along a damned jacket. Sarah called me about this time, as I was digging out my motorcycle jacket from the back of the car.

"Sorry," I said, juggling the phone from one ear to my shoulder to the crook of my elbow. "I'm putting on my motorcycle jacket."

Sarah, on the phone, sounded a little confused. "Are you going for a ride?"

"Oh no," I said, maybe a trifle hysterically. "Titan got his ear bitten off and I need to buy bandages and I can't go into the store to get him any bandages in my blood-spattered tank top!"

Sarah: "...Well, as closing lines go, that's a pretty damn good one."