Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Blogging the Relationship: Miscommunication. Plus, more neighborhood Walking.

The LT and I are, sadly, not a perfect couple.

Yes, it's true. I'll allow some time for that to sink in.

The problem is, I think, that we normally communicate so well--between similar educations and similar sarcasm levels, it's not surprising--that it comes as an unwelcome surprise to us when we don't. And I don't handle frustration (crying), disappointment (more crying), or either of those things mixed with surprise (hiccup-y crying) well.

For example. The LT and I were recently trying to make plans for Thanksgiving. And of course it goes without saying that the holidays add their own level of stress and emotional baggage, making even a normal conversation fraught with hidden traps, but even leaving that aside, we were, for some unknown reason, at cross-purposes. And communicating at cross purposes is not productive at the best of times, but particularly not so on while on the phone.

I assumed that we had agreed upon our plans the previous night. He was surprised when I seemed so inflexible to any other plan besides the one we had briefly discussed the night before. He ferreted out the possibility of my hidden motives. And at this point, things went downhill.

Because when I feel that we're not communicating anymore, I start to slow down, trying to figure out where the conversation broke down, and to do that, I start asking a series of truly asinine questions, for example, "Do you plan to come over to my house? Are you eating before you come? You are? Does that mean you won't need food at my house?" (Um, duh?) "Are you taking your car? Do you plan to be in your car as you're driving it?" (Again, DUH.) "Is it 5:30 over there, too?" (WTF?) "What time will you leave your house? Does that mean you plan to be at my house an hour and a half later?" (Only if time travel is not yet available.) And so on.

I'm sure it's annoying for the LT, and when I get to this stage, he starts answering with a long, drawn-out "Yeeeesssss?" Which I assume could be translated as, "Yes, the sky is blue, yes, gravity works, why are you capable of going over the most obvious facts, yet you can call me and say we're invited to a party and when I ask you what day and time the party is, you have no idea, and what's more, you're completely flabbergasted that I would want to know those tiny, insignificant details?"

As I am not in kindergarten any more, the answer "Because I'm special" no longer works. And not all of our phone conversations are this bad. (Sometimes we just sit for several minutes in silence.) (Okay, that's rare.) Most of the time we carry on bright, funny, sometimes even touching, phone conversations, the kind that make people around us want to puke. And I love those, the promise of which keeps me from throwing the phone at the wall after a conversation like the one above. (Or, worse, calling the LT back fourteen times and hashing it out until we both hate the phone and each other.)

Someday, I hope, I'll remember to ask for the important details and not worry about the unimportant ones. Until then, after hanging up with the LT, I like to grab Titan and walk until I'm delirious with hunger or outside air, sometimes both. It's good for me and good for him, and we always see something interesting, not always as interesting as a topiary elephant, but always something worth mentioning. A few days ago I was trekking around the lower part of the 'Hill, and saw a lion, and just a block later I was in Paris. Okay, so the lion was on the side of a building, and Paris was just a restaurant tucked away on a cobblestone street with seating times and lamps out of Moulin Rouge, but it was still pretty amazing. Today I discovered a church that's being made into apartments, and not just any church, this church:

Yes, it's really this huge and amazing in person.

I looked at the site and since the lowest price range is 650-750k, I don't think I'll be buying one anytime soon, but what an GORGEOUS apartment it could be! After I finish my novel and become rich and famous, maybe.

Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving Day to everyone. I hope everyone has a reason to be thankful, and I also hope all the turkeys escape and build utopian societies in a a magical forest, somewhere. Also, I hope for world peace, which I view to be just as likely.

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