Standby Dish

That I eat at LEAST twice a week, sometimes more, for reasons that you will soon discover.

The Savoy Supper Version, which I had for dinner last and caused me to moan at every bite, is:

Kale, sauteed with two serious knobs of butter and a lot of garlic, and deglazed with several splashes of dry vermouth and then some lemon juice.

Very gently scrambled fresh chicken egg from co-workers chickens, scrambled for barely three minutes in more butter.

Sprinkle of Pecorino if you have it.

Kale, egg, sea salt, ground pepper, and pecorino: pretty magical. Nutritious, fast, super delicious. (Remember that eggs are much more common at dinner in most of the world. It's just North America that insists on eating them for breakfast.)

And then...there is the Trailer Park Version:

About 3/4 of a cup frozen spinach, warmed in the microwave for about a minute, or until hot. Sprinkle several squirts of lemon juice and shakes of sea salt. (Don't overdo! Sea salt is SALTY.)

One egg, poached in the microwave. (Seeing the theme?)

Dump egg over salted, lemony spinach. Break yolk, mix. Grate pepper, add salt to taste. Possibly add a nice grated cheese, if you feel like it. Parmesan is the classic, but Pecorino is my favorite. Also good with just the lightest sprinkling of truffle salt, which seems ridiculous to sprinkle over frozen spinach, but whatever.

Easy, fast, semi-nutritious. Both go well with red wine, the Trailer Park version slightly better. The Savoy Supper version doesn't need red wine.

Puns Make Things Better

Boyfriend: "Here's how my morning has gone: just plunged my toilet, and now there is standing water and poop in my bathtub."

Me: "OH MY GOD."

Me: "Well, I hope the rest of your day is less shitty. ;)"

Two Steps Forward...

"It's ironic," I said, on the phone with Chalie.

"I have this boyfriend who has spent the last several years without credit cards. He doesn't even have a debit card on him. He only buys things through cash."

"Okay..."

"So thanks to his excellent example, I've started leaving my American Express at home."

"Oh yeah? Any particular reason?"

"Well, to help pay off my debt," I said, rather shamefacedly. "It's going down slowly but surely, and I thought going on a cash system would help."

"That's great!" she said, politely ignoring the fact that I ought not to have any debt at all, and that my debt roughly totals--or used to total--how much she actually makes in a year. "How's it going?"

"Well, I have one credit card on me--it has a $500 limit, so I can't go crazy with it."

"Okay..."

"...and I'm at a gas station, and...my credit card is maxed out. I've paid the dang thing online, but it hasn't gone through yet."

"Oh."

"And the Tank is seriously on fumes. I can't get another ten miles."

"Uh...didn't this happen to you once before? You got stranded at a gas station with an empty bank account and an empty tank?"

"Yes. But that was a long time ago and I think Mom would not be as inclined to bail me out, this time."

"Uh...don't you have a debit card?"

"...It's in the mail. I lost my original one and they're replacing it."

"Oh for GOD'S sake," she said, exasperated. "What are you going to do?"

"Oh, I have a cash card. I can't buy things with it, but I can get cash."

"Oh. So you're okay."

"Oh, yeah. I have just have to walk into the store and hit the ATM before I try to buy gas."

"Okay. So WHAT, exactly, is ironic?"

"Suddenly I have money--paying down my debt and everything--and suddenly I can't get to it."

"Uh huh," she said, her voice dripping with ice crystals. "You. Poor. Thing."

Modern Conveniences

"So there I was, cruising down East Marginal on the phone," I said, "and of course it was boiling hot yesterday and I had to close the windows because I was on the phone."

"Uh huh," said Helpful Friend.

"And because I'm on AT&T (nice choice, B) the connection kept dropping."

"Uh huh."

"So I'd lose the connection, shout, 'HELLO!' for several minutes, then give up, hang up with my chin, roll down the window, let the phone drop off my shoulder, and crack open the side triangle, which is the only way I ever get any cross breeze in that car."

"Uh huh."

"And THEN the person would call back, so I'd pick up, say, 'Hang on,' glue my chin to the phone to my ear, roll up the window, close the side triangle, and pick up again, shifting with my glued-in-place-elbow, saying, 'Okay.'"

"How were you steering? With your imaginary third elbow?"

"Steering?"

"Oh Lord," said the Helpful Friend. "Uh, couldn't you just wait until you were somewhere, you know, stationary, before calling people back?"

"No. Everyone calling me was at least three levels above me in org charts. [President of my Company] is only six levels above me total."

"How many times did your phone ring yesterday?"

"About 25."

"TWENTY FIVE!"

"Yes."

Silence.

"Okay, I have two things to say," said Helpful Friend. "One, I am never, ever, riding with you again, at least until you get a goddammed EAR PIECE for that phone. Seriously. You now have a job in which Boeing executives call you on a regular basis. Get. An. Earpiece."

"Okay..."

"...and two, did you know that modern cars have power windows?"

"What?"

"And...air conditioning?"

Me: "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE."

Helpful Friend: "True story."