One-Upmanship

T-Town: I am here for a 10 hour day today, on barely six hours of sleep and a wicked Champagne hangover.
Me: I just have my glands swollen to the size of baseballs. As in, they are visible to little children, who run away from me now on the street. They may actually be glowing. And I got FIVE hours of sleep.
T-Town: At least that is not your fault.
Me: Well, not DIRECTLY. I mean, who knew that a lifestyle of no sleep, wine, and cigarettes could be bad for you?
T-Town: I will also be $200 in the hole at any moment.
Me: My rent check bounced.
T-Town: Well, this weekend cost me $300--and I was spending my money on OTHER PEOPLE.
Me: I spent $25 on cab rides ALONE on Friday.
T-Town: So this weekend I just need to:
1. Keep my bank from overdrafting
2. Pack my whole house
3. Move
4. Pack for Mt. Rainier
5. Climb Mt. Ranier
6. (Make a TOP-SECRET life-changing decision, edited for privacy.)
7. Work 40 hours in four days.
Me: Well, I have to have dinner with a new boy!
T-Town: ...
Me: Okay, back to you. So, in this week you will: move, xxxxxxx, and climb a mountain, not to mention work ten hour days and fight with your bank.
T-Town: Yes.
Me: Fine, you win. I'm only $900 in debt.
T-Town: Thank you.
Me: ...so, can I help?