Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Uberconnected and Overwhelmed

See that post? That post that happened right before this one? That was sent from my PHONE.

I still haven't figured out how to get Titles on there. That's the next project.

In any case, though, it's a little nuts. I can now email or text posts to this blog. As I'm typing this, in my Firefox browser, my FoxyTunes plug-in is showing the name of the track that's playing on my computer. I can control that tune--pause, skip to the next track, whatever--right from within my browser, without having to switch windows. Or at least I could if it was being played by iTunes--but it's NOT. Today, that track is being played by Pandora, a website which takes suggestions from me and creates instant personal radio stations catered to my specific tastes, which is possible due to the work being done on the Music Genome Project.

Confused yet? There's more. I can add the track that I'm listening to into this post.

----------------
Now playing: Omar (New Age) - Dancing With The Wind
via FoxyTunes

There. And then you could click that link and look up the track and buy it online--instantly.

But wait, there's more. Because I'm not using just the basic version of Pandora. I'm using the special Pandora.FM version, a mashup created by just another guy, a fan of both Pandora and Last.FM and who wanted to do something to exploit the usefulness of both.

Wait, hang on, my song has changed.

----------------
Now playing: The Octopus Project - Hold The Ladder
via FoxyTunes

Pandora.FM takes any information I enter in Pandora--radio stations I make, tracks I "favorite" and sends it to Last.FM to be recorded in my library. And then my Facebook page takes this information, if I want it to, and records it on my page so all 435 of my friends can see what I'm listening to.

It's completely nuts and I'm loving every second of it.

And you better bet that I finally signed up for my twitter account. You can find me at Magreader. (My privacy behind this online name of mine is a rapidly dwindling thing.)

----------------
Now playing: The Gasman - Overlord
via FoxyTunes

This is a test of the Emergency Blogging System. This is only a test.

Friday, April 17, 2009

April is the Cruelest Month

I happened to be at my dermatologist's office a week go, trying to cure the flesh-eating virus that has made itself at home on my hands, and the nice lady at the front desk was trying to schedule me a follow-up appointment.

"Let's see," she said. "The doc has asked for a three-week follow up, so how's...April 28th?"

I was in the middle of pulling on my calendar on my phone, and I instantly froze. I tried to remain calm. "Wait a minute," I said, barely breathing. "Three weeks from now we'll STILL BE IN APRIL??" I realized only after the fact that I was, indeed, shouting.

In my defense, I hadn't eaten. And without regular food, I am one step away from being forcibly checked into a mental hospital. I know this about myself and try to work around it, with varying degrees of success. However, lack of dating apparently produces a very similar affect, which makes sense if you think about it--lack of sugar is, indeed, lack of sugar. The problem is, without dating, my personality schizing out when I haven't eaten apparently becomes 100% more noticeable--and I can't work around my dating break. Just a few days before I blamed the receptionist for the linear passage of time, I was at a loud bar with about 15 of my closest friends, and the single ladies and I were planning on pairing up and doing "a lap". As I was on break, I was just going to be wingwoman, which was fine with me, until my friend Calsee stopped me. She had been hanging with me for five hours, three of which were at a dance show during which we couldn't even talk, and her patience had already run out. She left my side in the middle of my sentence. I stopped, bewildered. She came back and pressed a few dollars into my hand.

"You are yelling," she said. "Seriously, you are yelling. Please eat something. ANYTHING. You cannot come and chase boys with us while you are YELLING."

I looked at the rest of the Blonde Squad. "Am I yelling?" I asked. The whites of their eyes were showing. "YES. PLEASE EAT SOMETHING," they all chorused. I was forced outside to the hotdog stand, where I ate as quickly as possible, but it wasn't fast enough; by the time I returned all the laps had been performed already. The group had decided I wasn't going to recover quickly enough to be worth anything, and they were right. After yelling about several more things, I realized I wasn't going to be able to "work around" my break, and grabbed a taxi home, muttering at the stars.

To sum up: my brain is on permanent hiatus and my temper has apparently shortened to that of a water buffalo chained to a hot poker, and it will be a miracle if I make it through the next week without being fired.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Put the Bone on Break

Welcome to Needlessly Graphic Monday, y'all!

In absence of actually dating, I'm reading a lot ABOUT dating, and in my various clicks around the internet I ran across this post by Ne-Yo, of all people. NE-YO.

For those of you over 25: he's a popular R&B singer. I'm not a super big fan, but I like a few of his songs, in particular this one:



Anyway. It turns out that not only can the boy sing (sort of) and dance (quite well) and look pretty (hubba, hubba) but he also has a few things to say on the subject of ladies.

In particular this gem, slightly censored:

"Appreciate if she’s doing you a favorite...Don’t be lazy. And when you're giving a massage, put the bone on break."

LOVE IT. Who knew that songwriters would have such excellent turns of phrase? It's like they're paid for it, or something.

Oh? They are?

I discovered this phrase last week and since then have been trying to work it into conversation every chance I get, slightly difficult as this does not actually apply to me, AND it's mind-stoppingly graphic, but I haven't let that slow me down. My boys and I used it three times while skiing last weekend, and just today I got the opportunity to shoot down a friend of mine who was complaining about women.

"Women are so NEEDY," he was complaining, never mind that he currently has two in the hand and one in the bush.

"You wouldn't be having so many woman problems if you could just lay off them for a bit," I pointed out. "Sometimes you just have to put the bone on break."

Friday, April 03, 2009

Love is in the air. Or not.

1. Confessions time: I had fully three hours of free time yesterday and I did NOT use it to post pictures from Paris. (Say that three times fast.) You know what? Forget you.

2. They’re coming, OKAY?

3. My uterus is a little overactive today. And by “a little overactive”, I mean, “I’m thinking of sending it to Cambodia.” I hear torture is well-practiced there.

4. I am thinking of building a shrine to ibuprofen. Ibuprofen is my new god. Ibuprofen has made it possible for me to stand upright today. I even feel hunger.

5. I might write a post in the future about birth control and why I went off the pill. (Sorry, Dad.) It's an interesting choice for any woman, and it seriously affects your life. Some days, I think the pill should be outlawed like steroids. Other days, I merely tolerate its existence.

6. I am on a dating break. For a month. So far I’m on day 9. There has been only slight back-sliding.

7. I am really trying to embrace the power of long-term gratification.

8. Did I mention I was on day 9? And tomorrow I will be on day 10? Only 20 days from the end?

9. Long-term gratification, dammit.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Notes on Paris: Fashion and Gender Identity

Yes, Parisian girls really are that pretty, and yes, Parisian boys are also very good dressers, and no, they are not at all feminine. In fact, the gender lines were very clearly drawn in France; it’s been some time since I felt so clearly that I was A Woman, put on earth to be Decorative, and the other person was A Man, put on earth to choose his Decoration. It must be a difficult task for any man in Paris, where each and every girl on the street would turn heads here in the States. Not being a man, I tried to break down Parisian fashion, if only to copy it correctly and not stand out so much as a tourist—especially important, I thought, when traveling on my own.

First: Parisian girls dress very, very classic. They follow trends, yes. But only to a very small extent, and the style of their pants and shoes and coats is much more classic than trendy. Their heels are lower, their pants are neither as skinny NOR as flared. My mother would have felt comfortable in almost everything a Parisian seventeen-year-old would wear, except...

Second: the greatness of a look is in the details. Bags, printed scarves, tousled, pinned-up hair, rings, necklaces, earrings: that was what made a look trendy. Jeans on the inside or the outside of the boots? Hair up or down? How many earrings? What kind? It was the details that made every outfit pop, and clearly, everyone had worked hard on those details. Jeans were covered with decorative seams and embroidery. T-shirts and hoodies were stenciled, painted, and ripped in just the right places. A single ring placed on the perfect finger drew the eye in. Comparatively, back in the States, everyone looked like they had just rolled out of bed.

Third, the details were even more important because, if you weren’t paying attention to those details, everyone looked the same...almost. For example, all the girls had the same coat. Except...that one collar might be a little taller, one hem line might be a little shorter, one coat might have trim on the sleeves where another coat has trim on the collar. Everyone had jeans with decorative seams...except that the seams were in slightly different spots. As opposed to downtown Seattle, where I can see the same pair of Rockin’ Republics ten times an hour (those are designer jeans, boys) in France I saw hardly ANY mass-produced fashion; I never saw the same pair of jeans twice. No, I have no idea how they did that. It's a hard balance: how to look classic while still standing out from the crowd? The girls nailed this balance. And yes, the boys noticed these details. French eyes are more attuned to that level of detail, across the genders, which is probably why they recognize country of origin so quickly, too. After all, if you'd grown up in a country in which every building, every post office, every PARK BENCH was decorated with levels and levels of gold leaf and tiny sculptures, you'd spot miniscule differences, too.

Fourth, that much attention to one’s outfit inspires confidence in oneself, and the Parisian girls had that in spades. Due partly to the culture—they know they’re supposed to be decorative, and they take that charge seriously—and partly due to the amount of time spent on looking good, the girls practically sang with confidence and poise. They didn’t trip, they didn’t bat their eyelashes, they didn’t sweat. They didn’t even wear much makeup. Many of the girls even had acne, which they didn’t bother to cover. They just stood there in their classic outfits and their heads held high, and boys fell all over them.

Fifth and final tip: Approachability. Sure, you can spend a lot of time on your outfit, but if you don’t have a look you’re going for and are COMFORTABLE in, what’s the point? Parisian girls had a look. They’d carefully studied themselves in the mirror, from all angles, and they made sure their shirts were tucked in and that their hair sat just right, and yet none of them looked too perfect to approach. They were almost casual in their great coats and black pants and perfect heels, just standing there, like it weren’t no thang. Again: comfort, and confidence, and one begets the other.

It was very inspiring. I didn't have space to buy anything--say, a coat--and take it home, but I wished I did. I did the best I could with what I had, wearing my jewelery and my scarf and my boots, and succeeded well enough that French people stopped me on the street and asked me for directions at least once a day, so I'd consider that a rousing success. (WOO-HOO!) Back here at home, I'm trying to spend more time on the details, and when I dressed up this past weekend for Bonza Bash, I thought ahead about comfort and ended up rocking my dress.

Travel is the best education there is.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Notes on Paris

I return!

I’d like to blame Paris for my long absence, but that would be totally untrue. Or, rather, only partially true. Yes, I was gone for more than a week, and yes, there was a lot to catch up on when I came back, but that’s not entirely it. What Paris really did was fill my head up with images of gorgeous young Parisians and gorgeous old architecture, and I’ve spent every second when I haven’t been at either job...well, thinking.

Yes, thinking. I don’t do it so often. (Practically not at all, according to some people.) But there’s nothing like going to a foreign country where you don’t speak the language and spending hours upon hours each day in museums to make your brain go haywire, and I mean that in the best way possible, but it’s still unsettling.

I’ve had a lot to think about.

People Watching: On Ethnicity

American truly is the world’s melting pot. Blending of cultures and ethnicities is happening more and more the world over, but not half to the degree that it happens here in the States. It was a shock to be in France and clearly be able to see one’s country of origin stamped on one’s forehead. I was in a club in Eastern Paris down by the river, the Pont Ephemre, and was talking to a nice boy, and he said, very early in the conversation,

“So where do you think I am from?”

“Paris?” I guessed.

He shook his head sadly. “Tunisia,” he said, almost apologetically.

Like, “I just want you to know NOW that I’m not very respected here.” Like, “American girl, you may be the only girl in the club who is talking to me right now because the rest of these girls are from Paris and they won’t give me the time of day. I just wanted you to know so you could leave if you wanted.” Up until then it had never occurred to me that other countries in the world—even Western European countries that the U.S. gets along with, such as France—still have a class system. Yes, we certainly have racial and economic strife here in the States, but it is entirely different from the rigid structure in Europe.

Several days later, my hotel manager was telling me a story about going out with a lady friend of his and leaving her outside McDonald’s to finish her cigarette, only to come out and find her surrounded by Parisian roughs giving her a hard time. The minute he showed up on the scene, though, they showed hesitation. “Look at him, he’s North African,” said one. “What are you? Tunisian or Algerian?” said another. “I’m Algerian,” he said. “Get lost.”

They left. The North Africans have a reputation. To me, Maissy—the hotel manager—was just a dark-haired cutie who spoke three languages. He could have been Spanish, French, possibly Italian. Parisians clearly saw that he was Algerian.

It blew me away. Once I realized that Parisians could read faces the way I can read a book, I started to make the effort to read features and decipher accents. Maissy’s French was clearly more mumbled and less nasal than Parisian French, once I started to listen for it, and there was also a difference in class structure between Parisians—some deliveries were more subdued, some were more forward, some were more mumbled, some had sharper accents. All Parisian French was incredibly nasal, just like the stereotype. Amsterdam Dutch, on the other hand, sounds a great deal like American English except you can’t understand a word. German sounds more like British English—the speech pattern and lack of R pronunciation makes German and Queen’s English sound more like a caricature than real life, to these American ears. (Possibly due entirely to watching Beerfest.)

I had a difficult time distinguishing between Italians and Spaniards, in spite of all of my unabashed people-watching (read: staring). The two languages even sound so similar that many times I’d be eavesdropping and wondering why I couldn’t understand a single word, and it would take me fifteen minutes at least to realize they were speaking Italian.

Tomorrow: Paris Fashion!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Looking for Foreign Jobs

It's 7:34 am, Continent time, and I'm on the high speed train from Amsterdam to Paris, passing through Brussels and a few other places on the way. I have been to the Picasso Museum, the Van Gogh Museum, the Rodin Museum, Luxemborg Gardens, Tuileries Gardens, the Centre Pompidou, the Anne Frank House, and the U.S. Consulate, and I have been to the Louvre twice. And I have met some of Paris' finest, the gendarmes.

And it has all been fabulous (except for the Consulate and the police station) and I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave Paris EVER, really.

I have learned many important things:

1. Parisians really are very pretty and very well dressed, all of them. I arrived on a Wednesday and I kept thinking it was a Sunday morning, because in my mind, being on a train or bus surrounded by people who are all dressed up means it's church time. There ARE jeans, but there are no athletic shoes. Ever.

2. And yes, everyone is quite slender.

3. On the plus side, the girls in Paris have just as bad skin as we do in the U.S., so that's comforting.

4. On the other hand, Amsterdam residents--while still being skinnier than us Americans on average--are quite a bit heavier than Parisians, especially the ladies. And their skin is certainly not perfect, either.

5. Whereas the Amsterdam boys all look like they could model for Abercrombie tomorrow. It was completely nuts. I've never seen so many good looking straight men at once in my life.

6. The red-light district in Amsterdam is, still, the red-light district. And yes, there was hash.

7. No, I didn't try any.

8. Europe faces the same problems with socioeconomic class and underprivileged youth that we do. There is graffiti everywhere, and there is definitely some riff-raff. Sacre Coeur, a beautiful church on a hill, was almost ruined for me because of the persistent nature of the con artists. Seeing an American couple about to fall for the "friendship bracelet" scam, I approached them and told them about it, at which point fifteen members of the group standing around--and there are DOZENS of them all around Sacre Coeur--confronted me. One of them grabbed my arm. "What you saying?" he demanded roughly. "What you telling them?" I shook him off and kept walking. (About now is when my mother is having a heart attack.) It was certainly an adrenaline-producing experience, but I was happy I had tried to save the young American couple. Even if they brushed me off as a bitter American, I did what I could.

9. I probably did sound a little bitter, since earlier in the day, I had personally met a member of the pickpocket elite, who managed to relieve me of my passport.

10. Hence my experience with the French police and the U.S. Consulate. And among the OTHER important things I have learned, I have learned that the U.S. Consulate is in Tuileries Gardens, and it is only open until noon, Monday through Friday, and you have to email ahead for an appointment.

11. Since I showed up there on Friday at 12:22 pm, you can bet I didn't allow them to enforce any of these rules on me.

12. That's another post.

13. Aside from this episode, Paris is really gorgeous, I had a fabulous time, I could hear the bells of Notre Dame from my hotel room, and I got my art geek on at the Louvre and even met some Parisians, who were extremely hospitable.

More on the way!

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Things I Have Learned About Paris (Before Trip Edition)

Does everyone know I'm gone to Paris for six days, very soon? You don't? You do now.

(YES I KNOW I NEVER FINISHED POSTING JAPAN PICTURES.)

I'm getting there, I swear.

ANYWAY. A good friend of mine--a friend of mine who studied abroad for a year in Switzerland and speaks French--called me this evening to mention, in passing, that HE had been the one to introduce me to Timbaland's Shock Value, nine months ago, and I had blown him off, as is my wont, and he was calling to gloat and remind me that I should always listen to him.

"Uh huh," I said. "Did I mention that I'm leaving for Paris in two days?"

Because if we were going to get into a contest of GLOATING, I wanted him to know that I had major artillery in store for him.

After he got over his jealousy, he and his lady--who also speaks French fluently--gave me a long list of their recommendations of places to go and things to do.

And he passed me the following story:

"So, my lady says that she was once hanging in the square before Notre Dame with a girlfriend, and two security guards came up and started talking to them, showing off their native charm. The lady and her friend were quite receptive, until one of the guards said,

"So, would you like to see the catacombs? Because my friend and I could give you...you know...a private tour."

"Uh huh," I said.

"So, no matter how hot French guys may be," my friend concludes, "I don't think I would recommend getting it on in a tomb with one of them."

I considered. "I don't know," I said. "I'm sure there are some girls that are into that."

"Well, sure," he says, "if you're the kind of girl that sleeps in a tomb, and..."

"...paints her nails black..." I interjected.

"Sure, and listens to Evanescence..."

"...right..."

"...then I can see how that might have a certain aura. But for you, I'd recommend against it."

"I will take it under advisement," I said.

And in this, as in the case of Timbaland, I feel he is correct.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Just Another Tuesday

It's been--not too long a day, but certainly somewhat long--and I'm walking up the stairs to my apartment. I open the door.

I close the door.

I open the door again. Nope, that smell is still there.

I close the door again.

I bite the bullet and open the door for a third time. Titan is confused, all the more so because he has been sick. Out of his bowels. In my kitchen.

I leash him up and we run outside. And then I start the horrible, disgusting process of cleaning up...well, you can imagine.

In the middle of this, I check my email. I have received an email from my mother, and it is not complimentary.

I text Molly. "My mother told me I look like I'm in pain on my recent facebook picture, and Titan has had diarrhea. In my kitchen."

She texts back: "You need wine. Immediately."

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Brain Space Occupied

I have done nothing--NOTHING--for the past week except listen to Timbaland's Shock Value. It's brilliant, it's surprisingly dirty, it's genius, it's genre-bending. It's addictive.

And when I HAVEN'T been listening to Shock Value, I've been bumming around Seattle and outlying areas. So, in lieu of having any sort of coherent thought at all, I present:

Recent Seattle Reviews, by One Opinionated Aarwenn


1. I do not understand why anyone ever goes to Zeek's Pizza. I got pizza from there once--delivery--and it was about Domino quality, maybe worse. Only three times the price.

2. On the other hand, Olympic Pizza (in Queen Anne) was tasty tasty, even though it was many hours old and COLD by the time I had any. I ate four slices.

3. I'm probably the last person to go to La Spiga, and this was a serious failing on my part. The food was simple, but so tasty that I could only take a few bites of each dish before my senses were overstimulated. The wine list is all Italian, so my date and I were a little out of our league, and unfortunately our server wasn't much help. His blond, surfer-boy delivery clashed with the super-classy Italian vibe. However! It really doesn't matter, because everything you eat and drink will be wonderful.

4. I also can't believe it took me this long to go to Olivar'sm especially considering I could throw a baseball and hit them. I keep thinking of them as just opened, until I was browsing old posts on Capitol Hill Seattle and realized they'd opened last summer. They, too, pack unbelievable amounts of taste into each bite. The food is a little less simple--a little more show-offy, if that's your thing--and the servers are extremely knowledgeable. Wine list is much shorter and easier to understand than La Spiga's.

5. On to Poppy: Many things have already been said about this, and I'm not sure I'll be able to say anything original. It's good, yes. But the thing about getting seven pre-arranged dishes is that one of them is likely to be a dud. Still: tasty, and I'd definitely go at least one more time.

6. Oddfellows Cafe: OH MY GOD GO IMMEDIATELY. So. Tasty. So. Reasonably Priced. So. Pretty.

7. If you have an opportunity to go to the Paramount Theater, you really should. It's so beautiful. If you're at that kind of show, be sure and pre-order your drinks from the concessions for intermission. This service is popping up at many venues--Benaroya Hall also--and it's a godsend, if your god looks upon drinking with a kindly eye.

8. Final Seattle Opinion: Get thee out in the sunshine while thee can!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Seattle Is a Very Small Town

I was out at a restaurant with a date, a friend of a friend, and he had been reading this blog.

"I enjoyed your account of seeing the LT at Beth's," he said.

I laughed. "Thank you. It's funny now, but it was extremely irritating at the time. Sometimes I can't believe how small a town Seattle is."

"Uh-huh," he said, his gaze focusing on a point over my shoulder. "And while we're on the subject, MY ex just walked in."

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Almost A Twitter, If I Had That

The ski season may not be a lost cause after all!

Which is good. Because skiing is an excellent workout. And I have some fancy new designer jeans to fit into, y'all.

And also, I really need to go off some jumps.

Friday, February 20, 2009

A Short Valentine's Day Story

I was in my usual Starbucks on Valentines's Day, not too early, getting a prepatory Espresso Truffle Mocha before my trip to the zoo with my parents. (Hey, I can't spend ALL my time exploring the dark underbelly of humanity.) Titan was tied up outside, as usual, watching me through the window, and as I looked at him, I happened to catch a young couple out of the corner of my eye.

They were young, maybe late high school or early college, and obviously very much in love. They sat on stools shoved as close together as possible, and had their legs intertwined on the rungs, the way you do when you're so in love you want to actually climb into the other person's skin. He had his knee between hers, she rested a hand on his thigh. They were sharing an iPod, and as I happened to look over, he leaned into her space--not that he had far to lean--and kissed her delicately on the cheek as she looked down shyly.

She had her hair wrapped--they were both Ethiopian, so, freaking gorgeous--but besides that, they were in jeans and hoodies, very modern. I thought about how young they were, and how far they had to go in life. I thought how much they were changing the world, just being a young first-generation couple in America with a hair wrap and an iPod, about how in love they were and how excellent that was. They weren't thinking about their age or their parents' country or all the challenges they would face, both together and separately. They were just bathing in each other.

I'm not sure if I can ever fall in love like that again--not sure I want to, really--but it's sure pretty to watch. A thousand blessings on that couple for making my Valentine's Day.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Nihilism

The economy is broken, and I don't for a moment believe we've seen the worst. I have spent two weeks exploring the dark underbelly of humanity and it's fascinating. That is all.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I Couldn't Make This Up

Several weeks ago, my friends and I had a spur of the moment idea for a clothing swap, and it turned out shockingly AWESOME, especially for me. Shocking because we range in size from 4 to 10, and yet all of us can fit--roughly--into each others' clothes. (Dear Clothing Designers: I HATE YOU. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.) I brought home two pairs of slacks, one pair of corduroys, two work tops, and some earrings, and I haven't taken off the earrings or the slacks pretty much since I got them. Everything else—all the leftover clothes no one wanted or needed—went to Goodwill in big bags--five big black garbage bags--thanks to my Jeep Cherokee, who is still nameless. My closet can breathe, and I dress cuter for work. Hooray!

Which is good, because now that I’ve changed jobs, I sit in a different building—the building with all of our customer offices. And our customers are from all over the world. Every day I go to work, I am face to face with dozens of beautiful French, Spanish, and German girls that are size zero and have no fear about wearing fashionable boots and scoop-neck tops. They could eat me for breakfast, or would, if they ate at all. This building is so famous guy friends of mine who work in other buildings sometimes make the trek to this building to have lunch in our cafeteria. Just for the eye candy. I need to look as cute as possible, y’all.

But that’s not the point. The point is, a guy friend called me during the clothing swap. “Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” he said. “What are you doing?”

I looked around. “I’m…watching six of my friends get undressed,” I said helplessly.

Silence.

“Uh-huh,” he said. “And I assume my invitation got lost in the mail?”

Friday, February 06, 2009

Dating Episode #147

I have gone tailgating, spent four hours at a dance club with Jennie, and then played pong with Molly at my ex's house until a rather advanced hour of the morning and I am really not up for anything, but I promised a boy I would meet him for breakfast, and so there we are, standing in the sunshine outside Beth's, when over his shoulder I see a familiar backside.

In fact, I was playing pong against this backside just 7 hours ago.

The LT has his arm around a girl, a very tall girl, and they have also decided to come to Beth's today for breakfast. Immediately I turn my breakfast date around so that he--6'2" and 250 pounds, at least--blocks out all of my immediate vision. I tell him the story and he laughs, the rat.

The LT and his date decided not to wait, apparently, and set off down the street, stopping briefly to peer in the window of the Suzuki Dealership, which is closed.

A few hours later the breakfast date and I meander the same direction so I can peer in the same windows, only, as I am A Girl, the Suzuki guys rush to the door and unlock it for me. I throw my leg over some bikes and walk out with my date and a huge crush on a red, fully faired SV650.

A crush that still exists. Which is more than you can say for the either the LT's breakfast date or my own.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

STOP THE PRESSES

There is a new dating story, I swear, but until then is this awesome update:

Dan Savage came into my restaurant last night!

It was a super busy night; I was covering one half of the restaurant PLUS a twenty-person party, and I was so busy I didn't have time to blink, so I almost didn't notice when the successful author, newspaper editor, and VH1 personality walked in with his boyfriend and their son.

It's a good thing I WAS so busy or else I would have stared at Mr. Savage all night. I'm not used to dealing with celebrities. I mentioned his presence to a few tables, and they all agreed that they had noticed him, but none of them seemed that overwhelmed. Those super-chill sophisticates probably see him all the time. Whatevs. I worked hard to keep my mind on my work and I did shockingly well--and I made a great deal of money as a consequence, hooray!--but I could still do a lot better. I noticed, for example, that both Mr. Savage and his boyfriend are very good looking and appeared to be--thus far--successfully navigating the pre-teen years with their son, although of course they're far from the finish line. I also noticed that Dan Savage noticed me noticing him, so I failed at treating them like any other family. I'm sure they're used to a few gawks, but I can rise above it. I think.

And it occurs to me that if I keep working at good Seattle restaurants this may happen again, so I may need more practice. Dear Tatum Channing: When Battle for Seattle opens here, please feel free to come into Vios. Shirtless. Thank you. (Hey, I just need the celebrity practice! My motives are pure as the driven snow! I swear.)

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Dating Episode #353

Between one thing and another, my date and I arrived at our dinner reservations both having to pee immediately, which meant we stood in line together for the two unisex bathrooms. We were joking each other about this semi-awkward situation, until a brunette in front of me turned around and said, "Hi, Aarwenn!"

"Uh, hello," I said, trying to place her. Then it hit me. "Ah! Aren't you a friend of Nice Couple Who Just Got Married?"

"Yes, that's where I saw you last. That's when you were still dating LT, I hear. I just hung out with him for hours on the Nice Couple's boat."

My blood froze in my veins. "Is that so?"

"Oh, yes," she went on happily, and I realized, too late, drunkenly. "We talked for a long time. I told him all about my failure of a marriage. I really like him--what a great guy! Blah blah blah blah blah..."

Five minutes pass in which I try to avoid looking at my date while she goes on and on. And oh, it gets worse.

"...blah blah blah so I hear you broke up with him the day after the wedding?"

"Yes," I said, I hope as calmly as possible. "By the way, Brunette, let me introduce to my dinner date. Dinner date, Brunette. Brunette, Dinner date."

She shakes his hand without any sign of remorse or realization. I upwardly revise my mental estimate of how much wine she's consumed.

"Great talking to you," she says, "see you later!"

Back at the table, my date lets me stew for several minutes before he says, "SO..."

With apologies to Dinner Date, who knows who he is, and the LT. If you don't like seeing yourself in print, I will consider removing this post. Briefly.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Dating Episode # 255, or, Introducing Molly

It's a bright Saturday morning after my neighbor's house party, and the nice thing about having a house party at your neighbor's apartment--which is across the hall--is that you can just run next door for anything that a guest might need, like Scotch, or matches, or perhaps a flatbread pizza. (Yes, I have flatbread pizza just waiting at my house for guests. I am personally keeping my local Trader Joe's in business.)

Anyway, the bad thing about all that trekking back and forth is that you might forget something. Like...your coat. Which has your wallet in it. And the next morning you might have a date with your posse for breakfast. Breakfast, which costs money. Which is in your wallet, which is in your coat, which is in your neighbor's apartment, which is locked, and you are already late for breakfast and your ride is honking at you from the parking lot.

Molly, my ride, finally called me. "Where ARE you?" she said, irritated, and I explained the situation. She laughed at me. "It doesn't matter, just get in the car," she said. "We HAVE to get to breakfast, because I have a voicemail I have to share with everyone."

By the time we get the restaurant, the rest of the posse is sitting down, and Molly whips out her phone. "YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS," she says, and presses play. The restaurant is so loud that we can't all hear it at once, so Calsee gets to listen first. It doesn't matter, because watching Calsee's face turns out to be the most fun.

Calsee's face goes from interest to shock. "Is he...CRYING?"

"Just wait," Molly says.

"Oh my God," Calsee says, "Is he SINGING now?"

Five minutes pass. The boy cries his heart out, sings, "I'm All Out Of Love", and then tells Molly to stop being a brat and just call him. Calsee hands back the phone, a priceless look on her face.

"How long have you known this guy?"

Molly is a hot, hot blond with a subversive streak and a barely hidden contempt for most social niceties. This is unsurprisingly a potent combination for attracting just about every male under 40--and especially the weirdest possible males under 40, which Molly dates for entertainment value, both for herself and for us. There was the hockey player. The body builder with the Adderall addiction. The thirty-two year-old man who played Christina Aguilera and drank White Russians. The man who sent her shirtless pictures of him flexing in a mirror. And I'm sure I'm forgetting someone.

And now, the Art Student from Axis who, after meeting her once, set her a five minute voicemail of crying, singing, and berating all mixed together. In the next week, I fully expect her to meet a circus clown who proposes marriage. And it is going to be AWESOME.