Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Never Mind

Forget that post from yesterday. It was funny and entertaining, but not PC. I'm still deciding if I will post it. If you want to read it and give your opinion, email me!

Moving on: the weather here is absolutely GORGEOUS and I can't get over it. I have all sorts of plans that involve actually BIKING to work and starting a garden, and yesterday I rearranged my entire apartment. The Dawg was very confused.

While I'm rearranging my apartment, I'm having design schizophrenia. Last weekend I tried to buy a TV cabinet; today I'm pretty sure I'm getting rid of my TV altogether. Two days ago I was sure I was buying a real sofa; today I'm thinking about recovering my current one. I'm organizing my entire apartment around a big pink exercise ball that I don't really use and hesitant about making any real changes, like removing a big door that only gets in the way.

However, I HAVE cleaned out my back landing area, so that's something.

Forget me and my design schizophrenia and listen to this song, one of the most romantic songs ever, according to me, and this new update is AWESOME. I didn't include the video link because the video takes the song in a much different direction than the original Toto version. (By the way: song is Africa, written by Toto, updated here by Karl Wolf--who appears to be too poor to afford a shirt on his album cover--and featuring a rapper named Culture.)

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Break From Serious

It's a Saturday--watch a fun YouTube video!



I hope alex, especially, appreciates this, since we had an interesting conversation about music forever ago that I still remember. I like Massive Attack, and I like Ratatat and Wired All Wrong. I like Zeppelin and The Turtles and Buddy Holly. I like Beirut and The Duke and the Duchess. What I'm saying is, I like my share of GOOD music, independent music, old music, music with real guitars behind it and real lyrics.

But I also like to dance, and so I have a soft spot in my heart for pop music, even though I know it's terribly manufactured. And videos like this are a good reminder of that.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Here Comes The Rage

I was sitting eating sushi with my mother in the middle of a work day, and although the lunch was going okay, it wasn't our normal happiness level of pink champagne bubbles and newborn kitten fluff. My mom was way stressed out, which I didn't fully comprehend at the time, and I had a different problem: my head was so full of stuff THAT I CAN'T TALK ABOUT that I couldn't, for the life of me, make conversation about ANYTHING else.

You know the feeling, I'm sure. Someone tells you a secret like "I'm proposing to my boyfriend, please don't tell him" or "Sally's parents are getting a divorce because her dad's sleeping with the babysitter", or something equally absorbing and awful, and then you go to a nice party where everyone knows Sally AND Sally's parents AND the couple about to get engaged, unbeknownst to the would-be fiance, and some nice acquaintance asks you a difficult question like,

"Awfully hot weather we're having for May, isn't it?"

And you say, "....Mmmm." Thinking, Don'tsayanythingaboutsally. Don'tsayanythingaboutengagementorweddings.

And then the nice person makes a complicated follow-up statement like, "And I hear it's supposed to be 90 this weekend."

And you SNAP and say, "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MIKE PROPOSING TO JIM AND I NEVER MET SALLY IN MY LIFE PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE." And then your life is ruined. Boy, some people get so upset about a few secrets.

ANYWAY. That's how this lunch was. My mom was silent, picking at her food, since I had taken her to eat sushi, which she doesn't really like, and the rice was sticking in her braces, and I could barely eat since my head was so full of sex and violence and secrets.

She said something very prying and nosy, like, "Pass the soy sauce," and you can guess what happened next.

"OH MY GOD MY VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC EX DROPPED BY MY HOUSE AND KICKED OUT SOME WINDOWS AND THE COPS WERE CALLED AND THEN I HAD A GREAT WEEKEND WITH MY AWESOME BOYFRIEND WHICH INVOLVED A TRIP TO URGENT CARE AND A PHARMACY TRIP AND THEN I DROPPED MY BIKE AND BY THE WAY I OWN LEATHER PANTS."

She was a little startled, as you may imagine. She rallied, though, and spent the next ten minutes yelling at me for ever letting someone that could be described as a violent alcoholic into my life in the first place. Understandable. I said I had told T-Town, she of Insight and Intrigue, and mom said, "Did she say 'I told you so'?"

And I nodded, just keeping the conversation going.

But the really interesting thing is, T-Town never said I told you so. She told me plenty of times while I was DATING the loser that he was a huge loser who frightened her. But the minute the excrement really hit the cooling device, she was nothing but understanding. The Blonde Squad, too, was nothing but understanding when I told them later that night. No one ever said I Told You So except my mother. Which is only proper, as she does an excellent job.

YAWN

My brain hasn't really turned on yet and I'm having a hard time focusing. I'm at least an hour behind my first cup of coffee and it might be two hours before my current cup sinks in. This is always the difficult time of the work morning in which a meeting might happen and I would have to attend said meeting and I would leave said meeting an hour later with no idea of what had happened or why.

As a side note, totally unrelated, the Office has decided, for some reason, to stock PINK PENS in our supplies closet and they make me so happy. PINK! Now my notebook is covered with pink cursive, like I'm on my way to third grade or something, and it's wonderful. The pink wakes me up. A little.

Anyway. I've been silent for a little while, you may have noticed. A lot has happened in my life and most of it I can't talk about, or rather, THOUGHT I couldn't talk about. I mean, there's been some violence. There's been some bike rides. There's been some dropping of the bike. I bought leather pants and they look great. There's been some talk ABOUT looks. There's been some clubbing and dancing and some of my friends have made out with other friends. It's been unseasonably warm here and there's been a lot of beach-going.

In general, a very full life, but it's been full of the things that my parents wouldn't want to read about.

HOWEVER. I'm going to attempt to shake that off, because I'm tired of the parental gag order that I've placed on myself. My life is pretty interesting and if I can't talk about it here, where CAN I talk about it?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Happy Tuesday!

Was everyone ready to go back to work? Because I sure as heck wasn't.

A lot happened this weekend, but the upshot is, Angels and Demons is fairly enjoyable, La Spiga isn't as good as I remember it--although the lamb was excellent--and the SUPER BIG NEWS is that I learned that you can poach an egg in the microwave!

No, really.

I am so going to start doing this at work.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Get Out Tonight Because I Can't

Need something to do? Boy, do I have an event for you!

Lady Sovereign is coming to the Crocodile tonight and I am going to miss it. I'm annoyed.

And she's also going to be at Easy Street in Lower Queen Anne and I'm going to miss that, too.

BOO.

However, my mommy is coming up, and that's pretty awesome, too.

Monday, May 18, 2009

On Being Cool

Many years ago, I was driving my Wrangler around on a gray Seattle summer day, the kind of day where it's just warm enough to have the top down, if you have a convertible, if the heat is on full blast and your muscles are buff enough to keep your body temperature up with relative ease, and it may be gray but it is not raining and therefore you are PUTTING THE TOP DOWN.

Anyway, I was driving north on 99 about to enter Fife, and there was a girl ahead of me in a much older Jeep with the soft top down, her hair up in buns to avoid getting knotted by the wind, sunglasses on although it wasn't that sunny. She had some kind of smiley face sticker on her bumper and I pulled up next to her and waved enthusiastically. She looked over at me, eyebrows raised, and I practically dislocated my shoulder leaning across my Wrangler and rolling down the passenger side window as fast as I could. "Nice car!" I shouted.

She nodded politely, and gave me a half smile, and then the light turned green and she went straight and I took a left. She was obviously not the kind of girl who dug instant warmth from strangers, and we were not going to have a Moment.

And surprisingly enough, that was fine with me. I already knew by that time--and I have been reminded over and over again since--that girls who really are Very Cool don't often have time for Moments.

It's hard, being Cool, and being a Girl. I've met some Very Cool Girls in my time. Not the kind of girl that tries to substitute Attitude for Aptitude--those girls are a waste of space. I'm talking actually cool girls--girls that are, say, UFC fighters. Girls that ride motorcycles or drive sports cars. Girls that are firefighters or snipers or routinely summit Mt. Rainier. Classical musicians. Enterpreneurs. Rock Stars. Women that teach kickboxing for a living. Girls that do something dangerous on a daily basis, that could kill them or cause financial ruin, not just their own but the financial ruin of others as well. Girls that take huge risks. Girls who base their entire lives on a skill that requires daily practice, daily heartache, daily bruises, daily mental breakdowns. THAT is cool.

And surprisingly enough, girls who do that don't have a lot of time for, say, TV shows. Gossip mags. Long dinners with friends. Going out to the clubs three nights a week, or indeed one night a week. Whatever. They're not often in situations in which they need to make polite conversation with strangers, and so they're not in practice, and so they don't. It's one of the great paradoxes of life: those who actually DO something cool are actually the least likely to talk in any group setting. It's always the girl who drops four wine glasses and gets mascara in her eye on a daily basis that grabs the floor to talk about the fascinating daily anecdote from her paper-pushing job, while the girl who just hiked across Peru with only a sherpa for company sits quietly with her whiskey and coke.

There's a lot to explore here: how girls (and people in general) who make a living in a very specialized field have a very specialized view of strangers, namely, that a girl who routinely summits Mt. Rainier already has a group of friends in her climbing team, and her survival depends on being able to trust the team around her implicitly, and therefore may be rightly suspicious of instant warmth from a person she doesn't know. And a girl whose idea of big excitement for the day consists of an overflowing coffee pot is easily able to create instant warmth, because the word "trust" has no meaning for her beyond the obvious rules of life, that a complete stranger will not attempt to, say, punch her in the mouth. (Although that could happen, especially to her.)

Not to mention there is the issue of how best to balance living your life with HAVING a life, at least in which the definition of "having a life" means "going to parties". Which may not be the actual definition of "having a life", but is certainly a solid definition practiced by many. A boy and I were talking about this recently: he wants to be a millionaire by the time he is thirty, and he's exploring various ways to do that, but all those ways take time. And energy. And he wants to have a life as well, because even if he becomes a millionaire at thirty, where's the guarantee that he won't die at thirty-one?

Readers: thoughts? How do you balance the pursuit of amazing things with having a life? Am I alone in thinking that it doesn't make sense to put off "having a life" in order to work?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A Study in Walmart Blue

This article in Newsweek about Walmart's view of recession shopping is insightful and well-written--and NOT a bash on Walmart.

But I'm biased--I love these sorts of articles. I love articles that explore ground-up changes, like what a run on toilet seats means for the economy, and I love well-written articles about so-called Evil Companies, which remind me to pull my head out of my liberal ass, and I especially love studies on consumer patterns.

For more:


Why We Buy, by Paco Underhill


The Call of the Mall, also by Underhill. It's not as good, but still a fun read.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Through the Looking Glass

Are you shy and wonder why? Are you OUTGOING and wonder why? Did you ever wonder what it would be like to be on the other side for awhile? And not just with a few drinks: to really be able to try out a new personality?

This article is a quick and required read. Right now. It won't take you barely five minutes, even if you don't read as fast as I do. (My friend C is the only person I know who can give me a run for my money. Hi, C!)

Key sentences:

"Day 25: A pattern is emerging. Since starting on Paxil, I've been drinking like a fish. For some reason, vitamin P combines incredibly well with alcohol. It's more fun to drink than it was before. I want to be drunk every night. I don't get hung over now, and I remain pretty lucid even when sloshed."

"Day 27: Also, the last few days I've considered cutting down on free-lancing and getting a regular job—consulting or something. Previously, I couldn't imagine a job like this. Regular hours and no creative outlet sounded like a nightmare. All wrong for me. But now, stability, routine, and boredom sounds A-OK. Pleasant, even. An easy way to make a buck and just live my life."

"Day 29: After deciding Paxil is worthless and downing three glasses of wine, I find I want to talk to people. No, it wasn't the alcohol. I drink at parties all the time—and go from standing alone in the corner to standing drunk and alone in the corner. This time, I'm craving conversation."

"Day 35: Pre-Paxil, I was a social drinker. Now I'm walking a mile in someone else's brain chemistry. I can see why some of you like to drink so much, maybe even need to drink so much. It's fun for me now, in a way it just wasn't before. On liquor and Paxil, strangers mean novelty, not fear. Group conversations are a chance to play raconteur, not a chance to smile weakly and shut up.

And it's so much better than sobriety. Sober for me these days means extreme detachment. Movies, once a favorite hobby, do nothing for me now. Likewise books—I just don't connect with the plots or characters. I can't recall laughing (while sober) in the past couple of weeks. I'm never sad, but never happy. Why wouldn't I drink?"

"Day 52: It's mercifully over. But a new phenomenon has taken hold. When I get teary-eyed watching a horrid chick-flick on a cross-country flight, I recognize it: feelings. On Paxil, I barely noticed they were gone. Now that they're back, even overcompensating, I never want to lose them again. Bitterness, anger, jealousy, sadness: They all make me happy."

It often takes an outsider to accurately and poignantly describe a phenomenon, and it turns out that personality discussions are no different. Seth described my own brain to me in a way I couldn't possibly have come up with myself. I'm not quite as extreme, of course, and I imagine most other "natural" extroverts aren't, either--after all, extrovertism isn't the same thing as sociopathy. We have feelings. But it would have never occurred to me before this article that group conversations would equal "smiling weakly and shutting up" to some people. REALLY? Boy. Shutting up never even remotely occurs to me. I always have a lot to say, and I especially have it to say in groups. Get me alone with someone and I can be calm--quiet, even. Put me in a group and the spotlight's on me and I will do anything to keep it there. Until this article, I didn't really understand that some people didn't feel like that. I KNEW that, intellectually, or else the entire world would have gone deaf a thousand years ago from all the talking. But still: it's fascinating to see his take.

This article is especially interesting to me because I recently stopped taking personality-changing hormones, aka The Pill. Leaving aside the sexual revolution aspects of the Pill, what it does to your hormones is fascinating.

In a terrible way.

Don't get me wrong--I was on it for many years, and it performed its job admirably. But had I realized just how much more sane and non-emotional I would be OFF the pill--and that I would lose weight just by blinking and breathing--I might have disembarked the train a lot sooner. The most telling moments arrived over several months when my relationship with the LT was imploding, and I cried every day, sometimes times twice a day. The LT and I broke up, and I was STILL crying all the time. And there is nothing worse, men, than crying at the drop of a hat and having no idea why or how to stop it, and assuming you're going crazy and wondering if you'll ever be sane again. Even though I KNEW I was crying for no good reason, I couldn't get a handle on myself. Suddenly, once I stopped convincing myself I was pregnant all the time (that's what the Pill does) I snapped out of it. Immediately. And I lost ten pounds. It was like entering SaneLand over night. Turns out these "hormone" things really do affect this "brain chemistry" thing.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Obsessions of the Day

I absolutely cannot stop listening to Grown Woman by Mary J. Blige.
Seriously. I need help.

Also on the obsession radar this week:

HIGHLY OFFENSIVE BLOG WARNING: Texts From Last Night. Oh Dear Jesus. So Funny. So Addictive. So Impossible To Stop Reading. My friends and I are now emailing our favorites to each other. It is OUT OF CONTROL.

Old episodes of The Mod Squad on YouTube.

These sneakers. I've been mildly sneaker-obsessed lately, since I desperately need new ones, and these are EXACTLY what I want. I would even pay the outrageous price. Problem: they were already sold out of my size by the time I got to the site. (Damn East-Coasters with their three-hours-ahead bullpuckey.) I got plain black, instead, thinking that I would paint them silver, and...they look so much like combat boots when actually on that I have to return them. Fooey.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Uberconnected and Overwhelmed

See that post? That post that happened right before this one? That was sent from my PHONE.

I still haven't figured out how to get Titles on there. That's the next project.

In any case, though, it's a little nuts. I can now email or text posts to this blog. As I'm typing this, in my Firefox browser, my FoxyTunes plug-in is showing the name of the track that's playing on my computer. I can control that tune--pause, skip to the next track, whatever--right from within my browser, without having to switch windows. Or at least I could if it was being played by iTunes--but it's NOT. Today, that track is being played by Pandora, a website which takes suggestions from me and creates instant personal radio stations catered to my specific tastes, which is possible due to the work being done on the Music Genome Project.

Confused yet? There's more. I can add the track that I'm listening to into this post.

----------------
Now playing: Omar (New Age) - Dancing With The Wind
via FoxyTunes

There. And then you could click that link and look up the track and buy it online--instantly.

But wait, there's more. Because I'm not using just the basic version of Pandora. I'm using the special Pandora.FM version, a mashup created by just another guy, a fan of both Pandora and Last.FM and who wanted to do something to exploit the usefulness of both.

Wait, hang on, my song has changed.

----------------
Now playing: The Octopus Project - Hold The Ladder
via FoxyTunes

Pandora.FM takes any information I enter in Pandora--radio stations I make, tracks I "favorite" and sends it to Last.FM to be recorded in my library. And then my Facebook page takes this information, if I want it to, and records it on my page so all 435 of my friends can see what I'm listening to.

It's completely nuts and I'm loving every second of it.

And you better bet that I finally signed up for my twitter account. You can find me at Magreader. (My privacy behind this online name of mine is a rapidly dwindling thing.)

----------------
Now playing: The Gasman - Overlord
via FoxyTunes

This is a test of the Emergency Blogging System. This is only a test.

Friday, April 17, 2009

April is the Cruelest Month

I happened to be at my dermatologist's office a week go, trying to cure the flesh-eating virus that has made itself at home on my hands, and the nice lady at the front desk was trying to schedule me a follow-up appointment.

"Let's see," she said. "The doc has asked for a three-week follow up, so how's...April 28th?"

I was in the middle of pulling on my calendar on my phone, and I instantly froze. I tried to remain calm. "Wait a minute," I said, barely breathing. "Three weeks from now we'll STILL BE IN APRIL??" I realized only after the fact that I was, indeed, shouting.

In my defense, I hadn't eaten. And without regular food, I am one step away from being forcibly checked into a mental hospital. I know this about myself and try to work around it, with varying degrees of success. However, lack of dating apparently produces a very similar affect, which makes sense if you think about it--lack of sugar is, indeed, lack of sugar. The problem is, without dating, my personality schizing out when I haven't eaten apparently becomes 100% more noticeable--and I can't work around my dating break. Just a few days before I blamed the receptionist for the linear passage of time, I was at a loud bar with about 15 of my closest friends, and the single ladies and I were planning on pairing up and doing "a lap". As I was on break, I was just going to be wingwoman, which was fine with me, until my friend Calsee stopped me. She had been hanging with me for five hours, three of which were at a dance show during which we couldn't even talk, and her patience had already run out. She left my side in the middle of my sentence. I stopped, bewildered. She came back and pressed a few dollars into my hand.

"You are yelling," she said. "Seriously, you are yelling. Please eat something. ANYTHING. You cannot come and chase boys with us while you are YELLING."

I looked at the rest of the Blonde Squad. "Am I yelling?" I asked. The whites of their eyes were showing. "YES. PLEASE EAT SOMETHING," they all chorused. I was forced outside to the hotdog stand, where I ate as quickly as possible, but it wasn't fast enough; by the time I returned all the laps had been performed already. The group had decided I wasn't going to recover quickly enough to be worth anything, and they were right. After yelling about several more things, I realized I wasn't going to be able to "work around" my break, and grabbed a taxi home, muttering at the stars.

To sum up: my brain is on permanent hiatus and my temper has apparently shortened to that of a water buffalo chained to a hot poker, and it will be a miracle if I make it through the next week without being fired.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Put the Bone on Break

Welcome to Needlessly Graphic Monday, y'all!

In absence of actually dating, I'm reading a lot ABOUT dating, and in my various clicks around the internet I ran across this post by Ne-Yo, of all people. NE-YO.

For those of you over 25: he's a popular R&B singer. I'm not a super big fan, but I like a few of his songs, in particular this one:



Anyway. It turns out that not only can the boy sing (sort of) and dance (quite well) and look pretty (hubba, hubba) but he also has a few things to say on the subject of ladies.

In particular this gem, slightly censored:

"Appreciate if she’s doing you a favorite...Don’t be lazy. And when you're giving a massage, put the bone on break."

LOVE IT. Who knew that songwriters would have such excellent turns of phrase? It's like they're paid for it, or something.

Oh? They are?

I discovered this phrase last week and since then have been trying to work it into conversation every chance I get, slightly difficult as this does not actually apply to me, AND it's mind-stoppingly graphic, but I haven't let that slow me down. My boys and I used it three times while skiing last weekend, and just today I got the opportunity to shoot down a friend of mine who was complaining about women.

"Women are so NEEDY," he was complaining, never mind that he currently has two in the hand and one in the bush.

"You wouldn't be having so many woman problems if you could just lay off them for a bit," I pointed out. "Sometimes you just have to put the bone on break."

Friday, April 03, 2009

Love is in the air. Or not.

1. Confessions time: I had fully three hours of free time yesterday and I did NOT use it to post pictures from Paris. (Say that three times fast.) You know what? Forget you.

2. They’re coming, OKAY?

3. My uterus is a little overactive today. And by “a little overactive”, I mean, “I’m thinking of sending it to Cambodia.” I hear torture is well-practiced there.

4. I am thinking of building a shrine to ibuprofen. Ibuprofen is my new god. Ibuprofen has made it possible for me to stand upright today. I even feel hunger.

5. I might write a post in the future about birth control and why I went off the pill. (Sorry, Dad.) It's an interesting choice for any woman, and it seriously affects your life. Some days, I think the pill should be outlawed like steroids. Other days, I merely tolerate its existence.

6. I am on a dating break. For a month. So far I’m on day 9. There has been only slight back-sliding.

7. I am really trying to embrace the power of long-term gratification.

8. Did I mention I was on day 9? And tomorrow I will be on day 10? Only 20 days from the end?

9. Long-term gratification, dammit.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Notes on Paris: Fashion and Gender Identity

Yes, Parisian girls really are that pretty, and yes, Parisian boys are also very good dressers, and no, they are not at all feminine. In fact, the gender lines were very clearly drawn in France; it’s been some time since I felt so clearly that I was A Woman, put on earth to be Decorative, and the other person was A Man, put on earth to choose his Decoration. It must be a difficult task for any man in Paris, where each and every girl on the street would turn heads here in the States. Not being a man, I tried to break down Parisian fashion, if only to copy it correctly and not stand out so much as a tourist—especially important, I thought, when traveling on my own.

First: Parisian girls dress very, very classic. They follow trends, yes. But only to a very small extent, and the style of their pants and shoes and coats is much more classic than trendy. Their heels are lower, their pants are neither as skinny NOR as flared. My mother would have felt comfortable in almost everything a Parisian seventeen-year-old would wear, except...

Second: the greatness of a look is in the details. Bags, printed scarves, tousled, pinned-up hair, rings, necklaces, earrings: that was what made a look trendy. Jeans on the inside or the outside of the boots? Hair up or down? How many earrings? What kind? It was the details that made every outfit pop, and clearly, everyone had worked hard on those details. Jeans were covered with decorative seams and embroidery. T-shirts and hoodies were stenciled, painted, and ripped in just the right places. A single ring placed on the perfect finger drew the eye in. Comparatively, back in the States, everyone looked like they had just rolled out of bed.

Third, the details were even more important because, if you weren’t paying attention to those details, everyone looked the same...almost. For example, all the girls had the same coat. Except...that one collar might be a little taller, one hem line might be a little shorter, one coat might have trim on the sleeves where another coat has trim on the collar. Everyone had jeans with decorative seams...except that the seams were in slightly different spots. As opposed to downtown Seattle, where I can see the same pair of Rockin’ Republics ten times an hour (those are designer jeans, boys) in France I saw hardly ANY mass-produced fashion; I never saw the same pair of jeans twice. No, I have no idea how they did that. It's a hard balance: how to look classic while still standing out from the crowd? The girls nailed this balance. And yes, the boys noticed these details. French eyes are more attuned to that level of detail, across the genders, which is probably why they recognize country of origin so quickly, too. After all, if you'd grown up in a country in which every building, every post office, every PARK BENCH was decorated with levels and levels of gold leaf and tiny sculptures, you'd spot miniscule differences, too.

Fourth, that much attention to one’s outfit inspires confidence in oneself, and the Parisian girls had that in spades. Due partly to the culture—they know they’re supposed to be decorative, and they take that charge seriously—and partly due to the amount of time spent on looking good, the girls practically sang with confidence and poise. They didn’t trip, they didn’t bat their eyelashes, they didn’t sweat. They didn’t even wear much makeup. Many of the girls even had acne, which they didn’t bother to cover. They just stood there in their classic outfits and their heads held high, and boys fell all over them.

Fifth and final tip: Approachability. Sure, you can spend a lot of time on your outfit, but if you don’t have a look you’re going for and are COMFORTABLE in, what’s the point? Parisian girls had a look. They’d carefully studied themselves in the mirror, from all angles, and they made sure their shirts were tucked in and that their hair sat just right, and yet none of them looked too perfect to approach. They were almost casual in their great coats and black pants and perfect heels, just standing there, like it weren’t no thang. Again: comfort, and confidence, and one begets the other.

It was very inspiring. I didn't have space to buy anything--say, a coat--and take it home, but I wished I did. I did the best I could with what I had, wearing my jewelery and my scarf and my boots, and succeeded well enough that French people stopped me on the street and asked me for directions at least once a day, so I'd consider that a rousing success. (WOO-HOO!) Back here at home, I'm trying to spend more time on the details, and when I dressed up this past weekend for Bonza Bash, I thought ahead about comfort and ended up rocking my dress.

Travel is the best education there is.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Notes on Paris

I return!

I’d like to blame Paris for my long absence, but that would be totally untrue. Or, rather, only partially true. Yes, I was gone for more than a week, and yes, there was a lot to catch up on when I came back, but that’s not entirely it. What Paris really did was fill my head up with images of gorgeous young Parisians and gorgeous old architecture, and I’ve spent every second when I haven’t been at either job...well, thinking.

Yes, thinking. I don’t do it so often. (Practically not at all, according to some people.) But there’s nothing like going to a foreign country where you don’t speak the language and spending hours upon hours each day in museums to make your brain go haywire, and I mean that in the best way possible, but it’s still unsettling.

I’ve had a lot to think about.

People Watching: On Ethnicity

American truly is the world’s melting pot. Blending of cultures and ethnicities is happening more and more the world over, but not half to the degree that it happens here in the States. It was a shock to be in France and clearly be able to see one’s country of origin stamped on one’s forehead. I was in a club in Eastern Paris down by the river, the Pont Ephemre, and was talking to a nice boy, and he said, very early in the conversation,

“So where do you think I am from?”

“Paris?” I guessed.

He shook his head sadly. “Tunisia,” he said, almost apologetically.

Like, “I just want you to know NOW that I’m not very respected here.” Like, “American girl, you may be the only girl in the club who is talking to me right now because the rest of these girls are from Paris and they won’t give me the time of day. I just wanted you to know so you could leave if you wanted.” Up until then it had never occurred to me that other countries in the world—even Western European countries that the U.S. gets along with, such as France—still have a class system. Yes, we certainly have racial and economic strife here in the States, but it is entirely different from the rigid structure in Europe.

Several days later, my hotel manager was telling me a story about going out with a lady friend of his and leaving her outside McDonald’s to finish her cigarette, only to come out and find her surrounded by Parisian roughs giving her a hard time. The minute he showed up on the scene, though, they showed hesitation. “Look at him, he’s North African,” said one. “What are you? Tunisian or Algerian?” said another. “I’m Algerian,” he said. “Get lost.”

They left. The North Africans have a reputation. To me, Maissy—the hotel manager—was just a dark-haired cutie who spoke three languages. He could have been Spanish, French, possibly Italian. Parisians clearly saw that he was Algerian.

It blew me away. Once I realized that Parisians could read faces the way I can read a book, I started to make the effort to read features and decipher accents. Maissy’s French was clearly more mumbled and less nasal than Parisian French, once I started to listen for it, and there was also a difference in class structure between Parisians—some deliveries were more subdued, some were more forward, some were more mumbled, some had sharper accents. All Parisian French was incredibly nasal, just like the stereotype. Amsterdam Dutch, on the other hand, sounds a great deal like American English except you can’t understand a word. German sounds more like British English—the speech pattern and lack of R pronunciation makes German and Queen’s English sound more like a caricature than real life, to these American ears. (Possibly due entirely to watching Beerfest.)

I had a difficult time distinguishing between Italians and Spaniards, in spite of all of my unabashed people-watching (read: staring). The two languages even sound so similar that many times I’d be eavesdropping and wondering why I couldn’t understand a single word, and it would take me fifteen minutes at least to realize they were speaking Italian.

Tomorrow: Paris Fashion!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Looking for Foreign Jobs

It's 7:34 am, Continent time, and I'm on the high speed train from Amsterdam to Paris, passing through Brussels and a few other places on the way. I have been to the Picasso Museum, the Van Gogh Museum, the Rodin Museum, Luxemborg Gardens, Tuileries Gardens, the Centre Pompidou, the Anne Frank House, and the U.S. Consulate, and I have been to the Louvre twice. And I have met some of Paris' finest, the gendarmes.

And it has all been fabulous (except for the Consulate and the police station) and I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave Paris EVER, really.

I have learned many important things:

1. Parisians really are very pretty and very well dressed, all of them. I arrived on a Wednesday and I kept thinking it was a Sunday morning, because in my mind, being on a train or bus surrounded by people who are all dressed up means it's church time. There ARE jeans, but there are no athletic shoes. Ever.

2. And yes, everyone is quite slender.

3. On the plus side, the girls in Paris have just as bad skin as we do in the U.S., so that's comforting.

4. On the other hand, Amsterdam residents--while still being skinnier than us Americans on average--are quite a bit heavier than Parisians, especially the ladies. And their skin is certainly not perfect, either.

5. Whereas the Amsterdam boys all look like they could model for Abercrombie tomorrow. It was completely nuts. I've never seen so many good looking straight men at once in my life.

6. The red-light district in Amsterdam is, still, the red-light district. And yes, there was hash.

7. No, I didn't try any.

8. Europe faces the same problems with socioeconomic class and underprivileged youth that we do. There is graffiti everywhere, and there is definitely some riff-raff. Sacre Coeur, a beautiful church on a hill, was almost ruined for me because of the persistent nature of the con artists. Seeing an American couple about to fall for the "friendship bracelet" scam, I approached them and told them about it, at which point fifteen members of the group standing around--and there are DOZENS of them all around Sacre Coeur--confronted me. One of them grabbed my arm. "What you saying?" he demanded roughly. "What you telling them?" I shook him off and kept walking. (About now is when my mother is having a heart attack.) It was certainly an adrenaline-producing experience, but I was happy I had tried to save the young American couple. Even if they brushed me off as a bitter American, I did what I could.

9. I probably did sound a little bitter, since earlier in the day, I had personally met a member of the pickpocket elite, who managed to relieve me of my passport.

10. Hence my experience with the French police and the U.S. Consulate. And among the OTHER important things I have learned, I have learned that the U.S. Consulate is in Tuileries Gardens, and it is only open until noon, Monday through Friday, and you have to email ahead for an appointment.

11. Since I showed up there on Friday at 12:22 pm, you can bet I didn't allow them to enforce any of these rules on me.

12. That's another post.

13. Aside from this episode, Paris is really gorgeous, I had a fabulous time, I could hear the bells of Notre Dame from my hotel room, and I got my art geek on at the Louvre and even met some Parisians, who were extremely hospitable.

More on the way!

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Things I Have Learned About Paris (Before Trip Edition)

Does everyone know I'm gone to Paris for six days, very soon? You don't? You do now.

(YES I KNOW I NEVER FINISHED POSTING JAPAN PICTURES.)

I'm getting there, I swear.

ANYWAY. A good friend of mine--a friend of mine who studied abroad for a year in Switzerland and speaks French--called me this evening to mention, in passing, that HE had been the one to introduce me to Timbaland's Shock Value, nine months ago, and I had blown him off, as is my wont, and he was calling to gloat and remind me that I should always listen to him.

"Uh huh," I said. "Did I mention that I'm leaving for Paris in two days?"

Because if we were going to get into a contest of GLOATING, I wanted him to know that I had major artillery in store for him.

After he got over his jealousy, he and his lady--who also speaks French fluently--gave me a long list of their recommendations of places to go and things to do.

And he passed me the following story:

"So, my lady says that she was once hanging in the square before Notre Dame with a girlfriend, and two security guards came up and started talking to them, showing off their native charm. The lady and her friend were quite receptive, until one of the guards said,

"So, would you like to see the catacombs? Because my friend and I could give you...you know...a private tour."

"Uh huh," I said.

"So, no matter how hot French guys may be," my friend concludes, "I don't think I would recommend getting it on in a tomb with one of them."

I considered. "I don't know," I said. "I'm sure there are some girls that are into that."

"Well, sure," he says, "if you're the kind of girl that sleeps in a tomb, and..."

"...paints her nails black..." I interjected.

"Sure, and listens to Evanescence..."

"...right..."

"...then I can see how that might have a certain aura. But for you, I'd recommend against it."

"I will take it under advisement," I said.

And in this, as in the case of Timbaland, I feel he is correct.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Just Another Tuesday

It's been--not too long a day, but certainly somewhat long--and I'm walking up the stairs to my apartment. I open the door.

I close the door.

I open the door again. Nope, that smell is still there.

I close the door again.

I bite the bullet and open the door for a third time. Titan is confused, all the more so because he has been sick. Out of his bowels. In my kitchen.

I leash him up and we run outside. And then I start the horrible, disgusting process of cleaning up...well, you can imagine.

In the middle of this, I check my email. I have received an email from my mother, and it is not complimentary.

I text Molly. "My mother told me I look like I'm in pain on my recent facebook picture, and Titan has had diarrhea. In my kitchen."

She texts back: "You need wine. Immediately."