In Which I Talk About How Badly I Manage Money, Ad Nasueam.

So, a long time ago (about three paychecks ago, maybe four) I thought I had a lot of money in the bank. A LOT of money, I thought. And it was about to be Christmas. So I bought a lot of stuff. And fell off the Starbucks wagon. In a big way. (Can we say a ten dollar PER DIEM Starbucks habit? Yes, we can. Um. Assuming I can even pay for the use of my own vocal cords anymore. And assuming we know that Per Diem is Latin for per day. And by "we" I mean "you".)

So, about two paychecks ago, I became overdrawn at the bank. Which happened because even though my roommate kindly wrote me a check for his half of the rent, ON TIME, I FORGOT TO DEPOSIT IT. Did you read that correctly? I FORGOT TO DEPOSIT IT.

So, that check did not make it into my account, yet I continued to spend as if it had. The day before I'm about to LEAVE for WHISTLER, my MOTHER calls me and says,

"Did you know you're overdrawn at the bank?"

Can we all let that sink in for a second? That my MOTHER knew that I was overdrawn before I did? And how did she know? Why, she was talking to my father, who happens to be a cosigner on my account, and he was looking at his accounts online, and mine happens to show up because it's an account he's on, after all. I also imagine that besides telling my mother, my father called HIS mother, who probably called her sister, and her sister probably called five other church ladies, who probably eventually told Former Boss, who probably told his friend, the editor of The Tacoma News Tribune, and I fully expect the fact that I was overdrawn to be front page news anytime.

Moving on. So, because Key Bank is the devil, they charged me a lot for being overdrawn. Like, about 160 dollars. Out of money that I already didn't have. So the day I'm supposed to leave for Whistler (one of the cheapest vacation spots in the world, ha ha!) I'm running around from bank to bank with two people that I DON'T know from Adam in my car, treating them to a first-hand view of how badly I manage money.

But no, it's not over. Not by a long shot.

I cash Roommate's check into Key Bank, mentally cursing them for raping me with overdraft charges, and run over to BECU, at which is my "savings" (HAHA!) account, and withdraw $200, CAD. In preparation for Whistler. I'm thinking, it'll be tight, but I can make it! Yay!

AND THEN I FORGET MY SKI PANTS. Yes. Really. And I totally forget that you can rent ski pants, so I run out and spend $100 CAD on ski pants, trusting my $100 CAD to get me through three days of skiing and parting at Whistler.

Ha. Did I mention I now owe a bunch of strangers some money? Yes. The people who I went on the ski trip with floated me money.

But no, the pain is not over yet. Perhaps now would be the time to mention that I got a call way back in JULY with an offer to add unlimited text-and-picture messaging to my Verizon account for the low, low price of $5.00. At the time, I thought: well, I don't use text messaging OR picture messaging that much, I'll just keep it to a reasonable amount.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! God, I crack myself up.

Because then I started dating CAE, who LOVES to text message, not to mention that we spent all of the holidays away from each other. In loud bars. Where speaking, or hearing, wasn't really possible. So, we texted. A lot.

And then (yes, there's several more "and thens") I forgot to pay my phone bill and got a late charge! So I come back from Whistler, completely broke and owing people money, and I get a phone bill for $221.89. I just about cried.

Did I mention, also, that my insurance check bounced as well, giving me a ton more late charges, and that my phone bill bounced too? Did I mention that up to now, I've given freely of my own accord TWO HUNDRED FORTY FUCKING DOLLARS to Key Bank? Did I mention that? And spent easily $60 on phone bills that were completely unnecessary? Did I mention I just got a letter from my no-good cut-rate insurance company that seems to be the only one who will insure me because of my expensive driving record that states, verbatim, "due to the above referenced-loss the amount of property damage may exceed the liability coverage available to you under the above-referenced policy"? And that maybe turning tricks on the corner for quick cash is beginning to look completely appealing? And that I'm seriously considering selling my body to science? Hey, four weekends and ten day-time appointments = $1800 in my book.