A Note to Titan:

Dear Titan,

Please note that you are a large, hairy dog. Please note that your dog hair gets all over the place when you sneak a nap on the bed, so don't pretend you haven't been up there. Please note also that you get DIRT on the mother-fucking bed. I have already relinquished the futon, and now I have gotten you a dog bed. A DOG BED. Please note: you are a dog. That is your bed. I put in the spot you always sleep in. Please sleep on it! It's not that complicated! Thank you!

Love,
Mama

P.S. Um, yeah, so I fell asleep on the futon last night, not that it should matter since I damn well bought all the furniture in this house including the futon, and I should be allowed to sleep on it whenever I damn well please!

But I sort of understand, and will simply ignore, the fact that you took my bed when I took what has traditionally been your bed, even though your bed is SUPPOSED to be the overpriced cushion on the floor. I get it. Sorry. It won't happen again.