Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
Number of Sparks currently in my fridge: 4
Number of Sparks ORIGINALLY in my fridge: 6
Number of days ago that I bought the six-pack: 3
Number of girls that will be appearing at my apartment needing Sparking, including me: 5
Number of days this will be happening in: 2
Number of Sparks I need to buy: at least 17.
Days until jail time: 8
Days until I leave for jail: 7
Days of vacation I will waste: all of them.
Dollars I spent for a one-way plane ticket: 190.
Dollars I will spend on lawyer fees: 900.
Number of dollars I will have left over: 0.
Way I will get back to Seattle with no money left: Hitchiking, maybe?
Weight, in pounds, this morning: 137.
Weight, in pounds, after walking back from D.C.: 120.
Hey, it's an exercise program!
Number of cigarettes I had yesterday: 3
Number of cigarettes I will have on Friday, the Night of Debauchery: 217
Number of cigarettes I will smoke in preparation for going to jail: 1,489.
Number of games of Freecell I will play: 16,834.
Number of hot U.K. guys I talked to last night: 3
Number of drinks I got bought for me: 11
Ways in which I love Rolls-Royce: 15
Pounds of hair that Titan is shedding: 4,000.
Number of days until I get him trimmed: Possibly forever, see, number of dollars I will have left, above.
Number of ways I've considered selling myself: 6
Number of ways I love my friends: Countless.
5 comments:
Oh no! You’re doing hard time in VA? Say it ain’t so. I didn’t know they put people in jail just for speeding. Seriously? Who will take care of Titan while you’re in the slammer?
It's so, I wish it wasn't. And Former Roomate/Boyfriend will be taking care of Titan. :)
mmm. girls sparking. I'll shave your dog for you, no problem. Really.
If you have any free time while on the east coast, you know between jail and selling yourself for bus/train/plane fare, I'm just up I-95 a bit...
Anyway, let me know if I can do anything to help.
I'll totally bake you a dessert concealing a metal file so that you can run away to FREEDOM!
Hey, do you think the VA Dept. of Corrections reads this blog and thereby knows to intercept my package? Darn.
--HG
P.S. (Note to self: visit a bakery sometime before next week on the east coast.)
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