Chapter 13: Lobster Girl

So, if you're heavily using benzoyl peroxide as spot medication, and on the bottle it says, "Warning: Causes increased sensitivity to sunlight", then you should read this warning carefully and commit it to memory. I sat out in the sun with my girl HH for lunch today, and...well. Had I simply covered my face with pink blush, I could have gotten the same effect and at least avoided the increased risk of skin cancer. GodDAMN I am pink.

Moving on.

Blogging Audience: Okay, you're a pink lobster, I get it, but why Chapter 13?

1. This VERY FRIDAY will be Friday the 13th.
2. I will soon be entering the equivalent of Chapter 11, because...
3. ...I'm considering buying a condo.
4. Which will be the start of a NEW CHAPTER in my life. Ha!
5. ...and I'm looking at possible condos, therefore starting this new chapter, ON FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH.

No, I'm not superstitious, and if you yourself are, please don't share your dire warnings with me, because I WILL start to believe them and then I'll light candles and then I'll get all crazy and the LT will refuse to have anything to do with me and it will ALL BE YOUR FAULT.

There's just a couple of problems.

1. I hugely, blatantly suck at picking out apartments. No, really. It's bad. My own mother is better at picking apartments than I am. And the thing about a condo is, if you screw up, you can't just end the lease.

2. OH MY GOD I'LL HAVE TO EAT RICE AND BEANS FOREVER.

3. Perhaps I can convince Titan to get a job?

4. Maybe I can sell his dog hair? You know, as wool?

So far, I haven't seen a single apartment except online, haven't gotten approved for a loan, and haven't a clue how much condo my preapproved amount will get me, but of course I already have my heart set on this one condo, have already moved my stuff in mentally, taken mental pictures from the balcony, and visualized my future trips to the dog park with Titan.

Um. Did I mention that I tend to get excited about a project and completely lose track of reality when I contemplate it?

Since I have no common sense whatsoever, I have asked for--and received--some Free Advice, listed below:

Mortgage Guy Says: You'll almost definitely be pre-approved for that amount.
Real Estate Agent says: Don't buy a condo without a washer/dryer hookup and a parking space!
Mom says: Go for it, honey!
LT says: Good, now we can be broke together!
T-Town says: Don't be afraid to compare the real estate market with another high-return investment.
Kiwi says: How will they feel about your monster? What if he starts to bark uncontrollably?
Mentor says: Stetch yourself when you buy so you can grow into your investment--get as much condo as you can.
Blogging Audience says: ? (This is you!)

Give me your Free Advice!