A Picture of My Day Today

8:00 a.m.: Wake up. Start to clean kitchen, because dishes are threatening to grow feet (again) and jump out of the window (again.)

9:30 a.m.: Clean out fridge for no apparent reason. Jeez, how long has that ill-fated salsa been in there? Since December?

11:00 a.m.: Realize you must leave almost momentarily for your performance evaluation at noon, scheduled in a panic right before you must leave (at 12:30) for your flight to Southern California.

11:30 a.m.: Forgo shower. (Days without shower count: three.) Leave for performance evaluation.

12:00 p.m.: Rock performance evaluation, in spite of lack of shower. Check in for flight online. Learn, from chatty secretary, that you apparently have a doppelganger at work, who drives a Scion. (!) (Note to self: investigate this.)

12:40 p.m.: Leave, a scant ten minutes behind schedule, for flight.

1:00 p.m.: Pulling car into Masterpark, realize that you have left you wallet--including all of your money, credit cards, and business credit card, not to mention ID, at home.

1:04 p.m.: Highly entertain the valets at Masterpark as you frantically waver back and forth between trying to make it on just your checkbook in your pocket or trying to go home and get your wallet.

1:04:47 p.m.: Flying back north on I-5.

1:24:39 p.m.: Enter apartment, grab wallet. Rack brain to see if there is anything else you need. Decide there is not. (For those of you playing along at home, pay special attention to this--it will be important later.)

1:25:03 p.m.: Flying back south on I-5.

1:38 p.m.: Pull into Masterpark for the second time in forty minutes. Vastly impress the Masterpark guys, and everyone else on the shuttle.

1:58 p.m.: Having already checked in online, walk straight into the security line...

1:58:in hell p.m.: ...And realize that you have left a small part of your wallet, including your Driver's License and your Business Credit Card, At Home In @#*&(@*#&@(*&#(&*)*!!# Seattle.

2:03 p.m.: Smile pretty at the security guard and show your work ID.

2:03:14 p.m.: Security guard stamps your boarding pass.

2:04 p.m.: Thank all gods listening for good luck. Immediately start worrying about how you will get BACK to Seattle.

2:23 p.m.: Board plane.

5:17:48 p.m.: Exit plane in the O.C.

5:18 p.m.: Feel for sunglasses on top of head. Realize you have left sunglasses on airplane.

5:19 p.m.: Following New Year's Resolutions, resolve to chase down forty dollar sunglasses and stand in a long line to talk to Alaska customer service.

5:26 p.m.: Learn that you will have to get a boarding pass (for no flight) simply to get back through security to retrieve sunglasses. Show work ID again, with trepidation. Attendant does not blink an eye.

5:28 p.m.: Receive unspecific boarding pass.

5:30 p.m.: Smile pretty at second security guard in three hours. Security Guard: "Is this a Government-Issued ID?" You: "No." SG: *rolls eyes and lets you through*

5:33 p.m.: Taking off shoes and taking laptop out of bag. Again.

5:33:37 p.m.: Friendly guy behind you says, "Well, that worked for you! I once flew on nothing at all." You (turning around): "Really? After 9/11?" Him: "Yep. I had my wallet stolen and had no ID at all. They just put me through extra screening. Apparently it happens a lot." You: "REALLY!" (Thinking: Sweet. Maybe I'll make it home after all.) Him: "Yep."

5:38 p.m.: Retrieve sunglasses.

5:47 p.m.: Belly up to rental car counter.

5:53 p.m.: Learn that, no matter how pretty you smile, Alamo will NOT rent you a car without a driver's license.

5:56 p.m.: Investigate shuttles.

6:09 p.m.: Board a shuttle for hotel.

6:26 p.m.: Arrive at hotel.

6:28 p.m.: Learn that Hilton cannot use the credit card on file for charging the room, and since you ALSO forgot your BUSINESS CREDIT CARD...

6:29 p.m.: ...Mentally calculate work's expense return cycle.

6:29:48 p.m.: Sigh heavily and pay with personal credit card.

6:31 p.m.: Walk into largest hotel room you have ever seen.

6:38 p.m.: Call boyfriend.

6:39 p.m.: Call Houseguest. Houseguest agrees to come pick you up around nine.

6:40 p.m.: Boyfriend calls back. Boyfriend is very calming. Reassures you that you have already passed all difficult hurdles, and from here on out, all that's necessary is: getting to meeting tomorrow, and getting to the airport after that.

6:50 p.m.: Thank all gods listening for the LT.

7:00 p.m.: In hotel bar.

8:16 p.m.: Posting.

9:35 p.m.: Strolling around nighttime Huntington Beach with Houseguest.

12:03 a.m.: Comatose.