Mean Reds, or Remember, Poinsettas are Poisonous
So, it's not like I'm unhappy, or anything. Not recognizeably. My birthday's coming up and I'm in a new relationship. Work is going well.
There's some issue, though, that I can't put my finger on. I'm a little depressed, and I know this because I'm continually sleeping though my alarms and getting to work three hours late. (I can't believe that work is going as well as it is, as I'm getting at 9:00 am or later every freakin' day.)
I'm just having one of those periods where I want to say, "Fuck it." I want to stop eating well. I want to eat everything in sight, actually: lots of cheese, peanut butter, and cheesy garlic bread. Pizza. Wine. Beer. I want to drink every night.
I want to wake up late and skip work, I want to cheat on CAE (not that there's anyone in particular to do this with, I just want to ruin the relationship). I don't want to do the things I'm supposed to do. It's a case of the Mean Reds, as Holly Golightly would say.
And yet I'm happy today (or I SHOULD be) because these pants that I'm wearing fit beautifully. And I bought them in early high school. When I was swimming five hours a day. But should my weight be so important to me that a good weight day should overwhelm faint depression? Probably not. So maybe this is a good thing.
The always wise kiwi remarked, "Was something anguishy going on this time last year? I find I get emotional echoes quite a bit. Maybe you're unhappy that you're in a relationship again, even if you're happy in the relationship. As it were."
And that's certainly possible--I mean, Jesus Christ, I had planned on being single for much longer than, say, a month. I might feel a little stifled. But I like CAE. So, here I am, back where I started. Sigh.
Fuck everyone's cheesy posts about how this is their favorite time of year. Bah humbug.
12 comments:
maybe we shouldn't have skipped happy hour last night . . . it sounds like you need a drink. Maybe tomorrow night. I have to finish breaking the news to my family tonight, otherwise I'd offer for that . . .
I am bah humbug personified this year. Seriously. I just haven't talked about it much.
I am happy for you about the high school pants ... and I tell you the truth, this is NOT my favorite time of year.
I'm more of an ides of March girl.
Laurie, I am truly honored to have you commenting. And I thought you might feel the same way--although I wish you nothing but blissful times, I thought this post might resonate with you.
Oh, and my favorite holiday? Halloween. Hands down.
That’s so funny that we blogged about the same thing on the same day. The “Holiday Season” is definitely over rated. Once I’m feeling well enough I plan to have a fuck-it-all beer and pizza night, maybe sometime this weekend. Halloween is absolutely my favorite holiday hands down! And, it just so happens I wore a pair of pants to a party last Saturday that I haven’t been able to get my ass into for about three years. We are awesome. Let’s just try to ignore the nauseating holiday cheer, it will end eventually.
Because I LOVE Christmas and you, and because I am pushy and think you should too, I am inviting you over tonight to decorate my house to the tune of LOTS OF HOT BUTTERED RUM! You know you like hot buttered rum and if you need something with less fat content I can make you an Irish coffee. You know you like Jamesons and coffee. Do not ignore this comment or I will be forced to call you and we all know how much you hate the phone these days.
i tried on a pair of pants today from high school and they were a bit snug in the waist. i have since decided to drink more water and eat less crap.
we'll see how long it sticks. this time of year, all i want is comfort food.
In high school, at certain points, I fully weighed close to eighty pounds less than I do now. Of course, my shoulders are approximately a foot wider, too, but still. I will never have a 30 inch waist again, I fear.
Seriously, I'm betting this is your typical relationship thing. You know Landon was talking about getting married for a week adn then he broke up with her? You're in the same position, you're just not quite as dramatic. You bitch when you're single cuz you don't feel loved, you just experience muy lust, then you get in a relationship and you wake up every morning feeling like someone is choking the very life out of you. Am I wrong?
It's greener there, no THERE! No, over there! BEHIND YOU!
I think we all get a bug up our ass about being dissatisfied with everything and anything at times, and maybe that's all you've got. This is a time of year for change, it's cold, lord only knows thanksgiving can bring up some unfortunate associations. Red? Bah. Call it the mid holiday blues. Embrace your friends. Have meaningless, base, despicable sex, be it with CAE or not. Drink HBR with TT. You'll snap out of it, even if it's just cuz you finally get your package. I promise.
Love you.
ah, Aarwenn... I've been desperately trying to find my cheer this year... I am one of those you probably hate that typically do love this time of year.
but this year I can't seem to find it. I'm even considering skipping my company party, simply because I don't want to deal with being dateless (and getting harrassed for it).
maybe if I do find the cheer, I'll send some your way... unless you really don't want any.
Holiday cheer is pretty hard to come by these days, mainly because it starts before freaking Halloween. I try to save my cheer for the week of Christmas, up until that point I feel blah and crabby and nasty. I hope you pull out of your funk soon and totally go for the hot buttered rum. Yum!
i'm in the same place girlie.. and TOTALLY not listening to the voice of reason.
Kiwi: I do not bitch when I'm single because I don't feel loved. I really don't like relationships and I'm happier being single. When I get into a relationship, it's because I really like the person, not because I think the grass looks greener.
However, I do feel much better, everyone. Thanks for your support.
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