TheBoy is gone.

I've written posts like this before. But they've been different. The emphasis has been on being single. On MY state. Or, in some instances, they've been more reflective.

Today, the title is different. It's not about me. It's about him, in some ways. It's about something he had to do. It's about a turn his life had to take. It's about me, having already found my path, at least my current one, and me needing to stick to it. It's about us making choices. He and I making separate choices. It's about me crying my eyes out, but not around him. It's about me not wanting to burden him, because burdening someone with your feelings is like asking a favor of them, and I didn't want to ask favors or even show him I was upset all weekend because I was so full of anger that he wasn't spending every second with me. It's about feeling like strangers. It's about uncomfortableness, his arm not fitting around me quite the way it did. About the couch suddenly being too small, and hard in the wrong places. It's about being twitchy and uncomfortable as I watched him pack. It's about chain-smoking and drinking coffee.

It's about stilettos and lingerie. It's about me shaving. Yes, that. Yes, I said it. Which was, yes, a going-away present for him, but more like a return to my roots (HA!) for me. It's about him not being able to enjoy it the way he wanted because he was leaving in 14 hours and had too much to think about. It's about our vulnerabilities showing themselves and us suddenly feeling like one person as we had our "moment". The moment I was waiting for, when the song came on the radio and we held each other.

It's about going out later with our friends and enjoying ourselves. It's about taking a walk to the end of the dock (it's nice to live on the water) and making our goodbye short and sweet. It's about me pulling over in the car on the way home because I was just crying that hard. It's about me blinking back tears now.

It's ALSO about me taking something I had done for him and owning it, since he didn't. (Yes, I'm talking about that.) I hadn't done it in a long time, but it's sort of like riding a bike. It's about me going to work this morning. It's about me working hard today. It's about me looking forward to tutoring tonight, and about me thinking ahead to my weekends and looking forward to maybe screenprinting more t-shirts and spending more time at Borders.

It's not about me being single.

Okay, yes it is. And that's a good thing, too.