Trip to Norfolk, aka My Third Wedding with a Date Ever

aka My Second Plane Trip with a Boyfriend Ever,
aka the First Time I Have Stayed in the House of a Boyfriend's Friends.

Um.

(By the way: Any ideas that the LT might have had about how new and different this trip would be for me: Very, very few. I can, occasionally, play my cards close to my chest. Stop laughing! I swear I can!)

So! Norfolk, Part The First, in numbers:

Number of cups of coffee I drank, trying to stay awake after flying a red-eye through ATL: 5
Number of vegan bagels I ate: 1.

(Go Au Bon Pain! And thank you, manager lady who chased down the ingredient list for the plain bagels at 5 am.)

Number of minutes before the LT's friend/our Host for the weekend started a political conversation with me: -17. (Is it the air I breathe?)
Number of dollars I spent on vegan groceries: 26.
Percentage of available space of Host's Refrigerator I took up with my vegan groceries: 98.
Number of ways in which Host kicked ass, just at this point alone: 35.

Number of horses I petted: 3.
Number of times Host warned us about the electric fence: 3.
Number of electric fences I tested: 1.
Decibels at which I screamed: 2437.
Sigh.

Number of Navy LTs and LTs (Junior Grade) I met at the rehersal dinner alone: 4.
Number of Brides I met: 1.
Number of Extremely Drunk Bride's Sisters I met: 1. (Whew. I knew then that, no matter what happened, I'd blend in.)
How hammered we all got at the rehearsal dinner: ...Good Lord.
Hours it took, after that moment, for us all to realize that wine, too, contains alcohol, and perhaps we should just stop drinking: 10.

(As in, much later the next day.) (Continuing this story, with me in blissful ignorance.)

Number of members of the bride's family I went and drank sugary martinis with afterwards: 34.
Number of times I got stranded, drunk as a skunk, in a strange city, with no way to get home: 2.
Number of times this bothered me: -3.
Number of times I threw up once I got home: at least 9.
Number of times I cleaned the bathroom: 1, and damn well, too!
Proof: Number of times Host would have realized I had even USED his bathroom if I hadn't mentioned it: 0.
Number of times I worried about where LT and Host were: -2.
Number of cars the LT disassembled at the bachelor party while their owners were passed out: 1.
How intoxicated both LT and Host were at this point: limitless.
Number of times I heard this story later: 30,542.
Percentage of meals, thus far, I had eaten entirely vegan: 100%!
Number of times I have embarrassed my mother while telling this story: 146.