Sunday, July 24, 2005

I can't summarize

So, I haven't posted in several days, so I have a lot of events to catch everyone (all two people who read my blog) up on, I have news that should seem really important to me but that I can't seem to get excited about, AND I have PICTURES OF MY DECORATED HOUSE!

How do I put all this in one post without being boring? Will being currently over-caffeinated and underfed help or hinder? Film at eleven. And it might be eleven before this post is over. Everyone (all two of you) all comfy? Got some coffee? Got some Jameson's in that coffee? Got nachos? Here we go:

Possibly Important News First

After months and months (no exaggeration, at least six months, or most of our relationship) of uncertainty, TheBoy has his Peace Corps assignment. What? You didn't know TheBoy was leaving for the Peace Corps? The story is too long and boring to tell, so here's a synopsis (Update: This is totally not a synopsis. Skip down to the bottom for the pithy statement.). TheBoy and I were friends for years, he made several efforts to date me, I refused, about a year ago he tried again and I went for it, knowing that he was Leaving For The Peace Corps *soon* and even if it went badly, I wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath for long. Not to mention I'm a commitphobe in the first place, so the idea of a relationship with a time limit was very attractive. Yes, I'm insane.

Still with me? We started dating seriously in November, and in February I moved to Seattle. I thought about breaking up then--we barely saw each other, and surely I should start dating guys in Seattle, right? As is obvious now, I decided to stay with TheBoy, because, gee, I really liked him. Then I became completely isolated and depressed in Seattle, and soon went from thinking about breaking up to depending on TheBoy for oxygen. I was obsessed. I was short on cash, short on friends, and completely isolated. No longer did I want TheBoy to leave for the Peace Corps. In fact, I wanted him to stay, and if he wouldn't, I wanted to go with him. I had been at B----- for about one month at this time, and I was ready to cut and run.

It was at about this time that the Peace Corps gave him a choice of assignments: he could leave in September, or he could leave in January 06. It seemed more likely that he would leave in January 06. I breathed easier. Then on Easter, in front of his entire family, whom I was meeting for the first time, he dropped the bomb: he had decided to leave in September.

I was devestated. I thought he was running away from the relationship and from me, and it wasn't helped by the fact that I had been so clingy and dependent on him recently that he would have had every right to do so.

Fast forward to a month ago. We worked through that okay, especially after he missed a few deadlines (whoops!) and I backed off a great deal from the relationship. It seemed like we were fine and now he would leave in January, like he had originally planned. Okay. At this point, I was starting to get antsy--I couldn't see him much, I had moved back here to Tacoma, but now I was at the gym a lot and enjoying my new house and going out with a ton of bachelors from B----- every weekend, and I was seriously thinking about breaking up again. I broached this to him and he put his foot down--he loved me, the best part of his life was being with me, and he was not going to let that go lightly. After a night of thinking, I agreed that I still, after everything, enjoyed being with him more than anyone else, but in my head I was still thinking, Will I still feel that way through January? Can I really go through the entire holiday season with him, knowing he's about to leave?

Those questions were decided for me. Yesterday, TheBoy got his Peace Corps assignment: he's being sent to Ghana, and he leaves 9/23--two months from yesterday.

Although it's hard to put into a pithy statement, examining our history like this has made me better understand why I didn't immediately burst into tears when I heard the news, which surprised him--he'd been expecting major waterworks and screaming, and possibly being dumped. Of course, it's clear from reading the above that I have come to terms with everything already--it's not like I haven't had time. He's leaving, it's something he has to do, we're breaking up then, (possibly before) which is something I have to do, and we were both blessed by our time together. May he forever be blessed for pursuing me until I gave in, because my life has been incredibly enriched by his love. And no, we're not breaking up right away; if I had my way, we wouldn't even talk about it--we'd say goodbye at the airport and go our separate ways. The point is, nothing needs to be said. And that's a wonderful feeling.

Whoops, that was supposed to be a synopsis. Guess I got carried away. And in case that's too long, here's my best attempt at a pithy statement: We were great friends for 8 years and great lovers for almost a year. And you don't want to give that up lightly.

I've changed my mind: the picture post will be separate, but equal. (Ha.) On a side note, TheBoy and I watched Sideways last night and drank Pinot Noir, and it was fantastic, both the movie and the wine. Everyone, go see it!

8 comments:

Kelly said...

Breaking up when you both still love each other is the worst! Especially because of a move or distance. :-(

Julie said...

It sounds like you have a handle on how you feel, though as the days count down, you may lose your cool. Be prepared for this. But rather than pining away and dreading his departure, you're enjoying the time you have together. Good for you!

Who knows what will happen when he comes back?

kiwi said...

mmmm. nachos.

kiwi said...

mmmm. nachos.

kiwi said...

crap, sorry. damn internet. Just ignore me.

Aarwenn said...

I want nachos, too, enough to say it twice.

ramblin' girl said...

there's definitely something to be said for parting mutually without a big breakup. makes the continuing friendship so much easier. enjoy your time together before he leaves.

kt said...

breaking up because of moving is tough. *hug*

and i didn't really like sideways.. which surprised and dissapointed me!