Jehovah's Witnesses, or How I Learned to Stop Judging and Love My Neighbor

So, I went to bed at 11:30 last night, got woken up by a phone call at 2:30 am, and finally dragged my sorry ass out of bed at 6:00 am. As in, the time that I have to actually BE AT THE TRAIN STATION. Okay, so I'm not making my usual train today. I have a brief discussion with myself over whether I should take the later train and take the bus between the train station and the office, or drive. If I take the later train, I can avoid driving, always a plus. And since I took that goddamned ecology quiz yesterday, I'm suddenly very aware of how much I consume. Then I can either take the first train home, which would make a short day (but no one would notice) or the SECOND train home, which would include riding with Young Tacoma Engineer, who's funny and cute. (Yes, he has a live-in girlfriend, but he's still on the Potential Interest List.) However, after losing my phone (I had already put it in my bag, where it was supposed to be) and putting on my jeans before underwear, TWICE, not to mention losing my keys (in my pocket), I decide I don't even have enough time to make the latest train to work. And I need coffee very badly.

I get coffee. (Plain. No cheating here, no sirree!) Starbucks has this going for it, at least: they seem to hire a diverse group of people. Surly, cheerful, sullen, quiet, talkative, freaky, funny, cute, ugly, fat, thin, miserable, happy, disabled, perfectly abled, male, female, transsexual, you're never sure what your barista is going to look like. But it's unlikely that you'll be hit full in the face with a gaggle of cheerful, blindingly-clear-skinned, super-thin, hyped up young girls with perfect hair, like what happens at many early-morning independent coffee chains. (Where do they find those girls, anyway? Are they beamed directly down from the mothership? Why can they all afford adorable cars on a barista's salary? Why do they all have rich boyfriends?) But I digress...I'm at the UW Tacoma Starbucks, right. It's sunny. I'm really short on sleep. A shiny black late-model Nissan Maxima turns to park right before I do. Two ladies get out. They're wearing nametags, and they say Goody Obedience on them. Great. Jehovah's witnesses. Of course, they're here for the 3-day Tacoma Dome conference. I vow to myself that they will NOT get ahead of me in line.

I'm not fast enough. One lady gets ahead of me, one doesn't. My mama has raised me right, goddammit, and before I can stop myself, I hear myself turning around to the lady behind me and saying, "Would you two like to stand together?" My brain says: WTF, Mouth? What are you doing? Fortunately the lady behind me is very nice and says, "Oh no, we're not attached at the hip." The lady in front of me turns around and says, "In fact, we've already discovered we have so much in common that a little space is nice!" I'm thinking, "You're both members of the same weird cult, you live in the same part of the country, you're roughly the same age, and you're both married--of COURSE you have a lot in common, idiots," but I don't say anything, watching to see how much I'm going to hate the lady in front of me. She orders two coffees, both pretty complicated, including one with 8 SHOTS of Butternut Toffee syrup (but nonfat!) but so far, she seems nice. She's extremely polite to the baristas, she was nice to me but not overly so, she hasn't tried to convert me yet, OR the barista, and although she gets two pastries, too, she doesn't take up a long time at the counter, she doesn't hover directly in the middle of the counter so you can't be helped by the barista on either side, (I HATE it when people do that) she hands over her cash quickly, and tips the barista well. She jokes with me about the pastries. She's funny! She moves out of the way when she's done! I get my tall coffee. As I'm leaving, I say to the lady behind me, "I want to thank you for improving my opinion of Jehovah's Witnesses this morning." She's surprised, but she smiles, and says, "Well, thank you!" I move on into the bright sunlight.

The drive to work was very, very smooth.