Last night, I found a dog
She was wandering down South 12th, occasionally meandering into traffic, and I was concerned enough that I pulled over as soon as I could and called to her--I thought she was male for quite some time, not feeling the need to find out for certain, but eventually she peed on someone's lawn and I knew her gender. I called out to her and she came galloping up to me like I was her best friend, and I lost a little bit of my heart. I walked up and down South 12th for an hour, deliberating on what I should do, all the while thinking that I have my own German Shepherd at home (although the friendly bitch by my side looked purebred) who hadn't had a walk from me yet that day and wouldn't get one because here I was, focusing all my attention on this stray, when my own dog at home would have killed for an hour-long walk on that nice night. I knocked on a few doors and accosted a few people walking along the street, not that there were many, and I got nothing. I called my best friend, who also has a dog, and she suggested letting the dog roam--she had a collar and a bandanna and a flea collar on, and was obviously loved, but she didn't have a license or a tag of any kind, and the pound would be forced to assume she was a stray and put her up for adoption. I couldn't take her from her summer evening stroll and lock her up in a cage in the hopes that someone would take her home before they put her down. I thought taking her to the pound would be the "correct" thing to do, but that letting her roam might be the right thing. She clearly had a home to go to, and after following her around for an hour (as it got more and more past my bedtime, which is 10:00 pm, and it was getting close to eleven) and walking her past TheBoy's house--he thought I was crazy, by the way, but he was very supportive, and advised letting her roam--I turned and left her, walking fast. She eventually turned my way and followed me, but then went off to find her own path, and I drove home, saying a prayer.
And now I'm CRYING AT MY DESK when I have to go to a LUNCHEON in an hour, less than, and I have NO MAKEUP ON OR WITH ME, because I took my damn makeup bag out of my damn laptop bag this morning because it took up too much damn room, when I KNOW better. I KNOW that any time you don't bring your makeup, you'll automatically need it. I know this. Fuck me. I'm crying over the joy of finding Sweetie, which is what I named her because I kept calling her that for lack of name, and the sadness of losing her (She was such a nice dog! You should have seen her!) and the guilt and feeling of hopelessness that I couldn't do more for her and the sadness of all lost dogs and unloved animals and anger against Darwin, that survival of the fittest even exists, because clearly it's all due to him that there's not enough love and resources to go around in this world, and how amazing animals are in their unconditional love for you and how wonderful dogs are and how I feel so sad because I couldn't live up to the love and hope in Sweetie's eyes. I couldn't make her world better. I couldn't be her hero, and I wanted to be. I'm sad for her family, imagining how lucky they are to have such a wondeful dog and how much they must miss her when she's away, and even sadder over the possibility that they may not love her the way she deserves, and, yes, I'm crying over guilt that I spent more time on her than I did on my own ignored dog that beautiful summer night, and that getting a drink with Jessica seemed to be more important than walking my dog until I found Sweetie, and, oh, all sorts of other things. Including the fact that I'm clearly on the rag. :)
Ways to make myself feel better: well, I have spoons chilling (ha!) in the freezer for just this purpose, and I can put them against my eyes and splash cold water on my face and walk around purposefully outside, thus preparing for the luncheon, and I do at least have lip gloss, and after going home today I can walk Titan both before hip-hop and after getting a drink with BestFriend and HellaCool, and enjoy what promises to be a beautiful night with him. And Titan did ride around with me in the car last night for an hour as I ran errands, which he loves. And I threw the ball for him a few times in the backyard. And YESTERDAY, Monica (Roommate) and I played Frisbee in the nearby park and took Titan with us, and we threw tennis balls for him and he frolicked and generally had a wonderful time. So THERE.
8 comments:
i wish i had a dog. sigh.
dog...allergic boyfriend..dog..allergic boyfriend.. so hard to decide!
in college i had an awesome lab/husky mix named beau. when i moved and couldn't find an apartment that would let me have a dog, i gave him to my friend who lived in a house with 6 guys and three other dogs. beau was in doggy heaven with that crew! so glad i found him a good home.
you could always check the pound to make sure Sweetie found her owners. that might make you feel better.
and I'm sure Titan understands that other doggies need help every once in a while. he'd want some other dog's owner to help him find you if he were lost and not just out for a stroll!
I didn't take Sweetie to the pound; she stopped following me and seemed to have a purpose, and so I left her to the uncertain death on the sidewalks versus the almost certain death of the pound. It was hard for me, too, but she seemed local, and I think she'll be okay. I want to think she'll be okay, anyway.
RG, very good point. Titan WOULD want me to help. Bless your heart for making me feel better about the one thing I can change.
post an ad about the dog on CL. The owner might turn up. I can't tell you what the right thing to do under the circumstances was. Sucker that I am, I would have taken Sweetie home and she probably would have promptly eaten my cat or something.
But I don't HAVE the dog anymore. It seems silly to post an ad and then, if the owner calls, say, "Oh, sorry, I don't have her anymore." They would be perfectly within their rights to say, "Chump, why did you bother posting, then?"
I just meant to check the pound to see if someeone else took her there.
I know here you can ask that they contact you when you take a stray there, so that you have first right of adoption if their owner never shows.
You could make sure she doesn't get destroyed that way if someone else did take her in.
I'm sure she'll be ok, dogs have an uncanny sense of home! Sure she's getting loved on by her people right now. (My parents' dog used to bolt all the time. usually ended up at home after wandering and getting attention elsewhere, but sometimes ended up outside the door of my 2nd grade classroom. Think it was his way of helping me ditch school to walk him back home!)
And Titan knows you love him, even if he has to skip a walk for a day.
Once again, RG, thank you. Great idea. I've kept my eyes open for he.
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