The Alcohol Diet!

For those of you who are just tuning in, this is in response to SheWalks' blog, in which arises the question, how do you drink and lose weight?

As misshaveyou said, it's quite simple.

There's two main prongs to losing weight on the alcohol diet.

The First Prong has been covered: Drink on an empty stomach. Don't eat less than three hours before drinking OR eat while you drink! WHY? That's just craziness! If you don't eat, you'll be drunk faster, take in less alcohol calories in the first place and be more likely to puke later! Perfect! Tell yourself: Eating before I drink is a waste of food--not to mention time and money that could be spent on booze.

The Second Prong, however, is more important and MUCH more overlooked:
CHANGE YOUR DRINKING HABITS.

"But Aarwenn, when you say 'change', what exactly do you mean? What exactly should I change?"

Boy, I'm glad you asked. Two words: Wine and Booze.

1. Wine. Drink only wine, the drier the better. Dry white wine is about 85 calories a glass--dry red wine about the same. Europeans are onto something. Drink wine, and lots of it!

2. Booze. Booze is your friend. You love booze! You are a jealous lover! You want booze all to yourself! You don't want any nasty mixers! When you go out drinking, if you forgo all other kinds of drinking and instead pour any kind of hard liquor on the rocks and drink it straight, you'll lose weight so fast you'll go broke buying new clothes.

I know, I know. It’s difficult.

“But I don’t LIKE booze straight,” you might wail. In that case, the following variation on the above is definitely for you. Because who can even taste the booze when you shoot it?

3. A variation on the above: The Shot-and-Wait. Drink a shot of anything hard. (Uh…I meant, drink a shot of BOOZE THAT’S AT LEAST 100 PROOF. Whew.) Get glass of water. Drink water. Repeat about every half hour, or 20 minutes…or every 15 minutes. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Who are you? You are a bad-ass, that's who. You are a lean and mean pool-playing machine. You drink glasses of red wine and discuss art. You wear smudged black eyeliner and drink whiskey shots. You wear pink, flirt at the bar, and drink Vodka Neat; that's plenty girly. Get some lemon and suck on it in between...

Did I mention you'll lose weight so fast you'll go broke buying clothes? Oh, I did. Excellent.

Disclaimer: Aarwenn kept her swimmer's figure while simultaneously being a beer-chugging chamion in college. There is nothing she does not know about staying thin while drinking heavily. She is not a medical professional.