This morning, my heart was stolen...

By a tall blonde wearing a white dress shirt on and khakis. It was a brilliant morning at 6 am and I had my triple espresso in hand, eyes barely open in spite of sunshine and said espresso, as I punched buttons trying to buy a train ticket, carry a huge leather purse, my coffee, AND a huge laptop bag all at once, not to mention fiddle with wallet and not spill espresso on pale pink leather purse.

When out of the corner of my eye, I see a tan blur, and this blonde alpha male (to quote SheWalks: omgHOT) comes bounding around the corner into the ticket booth, reaches OVER MY HEAD (can you imagine the waves of pheremones that might be coming off a blonde alpha human that's just been jogging in the sunshine? CAN YOU?) and...and this is the kicker...

Retrieves the half-finished bottled Frappucino he's inadvertently left on top of the ticket machine.

Is this guy perfect for me, or what?

I followed him out the ticket door, smiling in spite of myself (but sadly, weighed down by baggage of all kinds, both the mental kind ("Hello, Brain to Heart, COME IN, HEART! YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" Heart: "But...But...Awwww.") and the physical kind (hard to jump into a stranger's arms on any day, harder still when weighed down by amount of luggage that normal person would carry for week-long vacation. I did manage to shout to his retreating back,

"I've done that so many times!"

AND HE STOPPED. He turns around and looks at me, smiling wide, and I swear the sun got brighter for a second, and pours out a virtual STREAM of words. "What a gorgeous and perfect woman you are! I have been searching for you all of my life! Why don't you drop all those bags and leap into my arms, and then I shall carry you AND your bags onto the train and we can talk about how much we love Starbucks, and how wonderful our lives will be together forever!"

Oh, pardon me, I was getting confused for a second. That's what he said in my HEAD. In real life, he really did grin, and talked fast, but after I was done drooling what I caught at the end was, "You think, 'Hey, this is a perfect place to set this!...never mind.'"

Words can't descibe the timing, but it turns out that in addition to being a blonde demi-god, this cat is FUNNY. My laughter pealed out (and it IS loud) immediately, causing the overweight train "security personnel" (read: waste of taxpayer's money) to look up from sharing their oh-so-secure cigarettes, and I actually stopped walking, I was laughing so hard.

Tall Blonde grinned again, and I said the first thing that came to my head: "I'm really glad I talked to you this morning!"

*Insert head pounding on wall here.*

Could I have BEEN ANY MORE NERDY AND SOCIALLY INEPT? Short Answer: No.

Tall Blonde smiled uncertainly at Nerdy Girl Wearing Tired Forest Green Jacket and Stilletos and Carrying Big Pink Bag, and bounded onto the train, second car.

Guess what I did!

a) Followed him into second car, sat down near him, and tried to repair image.
b) Followed him into second car, sat down near him, and tried to engage him in eye tag, being too shy to say anything.
c) Followed him into second car, sat down.
d) Continued on my route to THE FIRST CAR, like AN IDIOT, thereby REMOVING ALL CHANCE OF SITTING NEAR HIM.

If you chose (a), (b), or (c), I bet you do horribly on standardized tests.

Inner Dialogue Once On Train:

You complete and utter fool. You're a whole car away from him. You could have at least followed him to his damn car! Hundreds of people ride the train every day! It's not like he could have accused you of anything! You could have seen what stop he got off at, at least, and now you don't know a thing about him. Was he even wearing a ring? Hey, Cute Cyclist B----- Engineer just got on, and he's going to the second car! Did I miss the memo? Is the second car where all the cool kids sit, and I didn't know? Trust me to sit on the train's only nerdy car.

Should I move cars now? No, I'll finish my sandwich first--might as well get unattractive part of morning of the way. And then I can finish my espresso, so I'll be carrying less stuff, and THEN I'll apply lip gloss, and then I'll...oh, the train's moving.

DAMN. Now if I move cars it'll look really obvious. But I have lip gloss on and everything! And I'm wearing jeans that show off my ass! It's Friday! And I have really hot heels on! No, remember pact from a few days ago? You'll look this good every day, now. Damn those cute girls in the hallway. But you'll look good. You can see him tomorrow. DAMN. Tomorrow is Saturday and by Monday he'll have forgotten all about me. DAMN DAMN DAMN!!! In fact, next week I won't be riding the train much! I'll be driving because I have a more erratic schedule! Guess I'll have to ride the train at least a few times. What train does he take home? Does he usually sit in the second car? Maybe I'll try the second car today on the way home and see. Maybe I should just move to the second car now. No, I couldn't possibly negotiate those sliding doors with Killer Bags.

*Stand up. Move anyway, hoping that perhaps Tall Blonde or Cute Engineer will be in first car regardless. Go to door between cars. Stand motionless deciding whether to open door or not. Actually turn handle. Release handle. Turn slightly to see Cute Engineer watching me from upper level of first car, eyes seriously wide and scared. Slink away into nearby seat. Bury self in book.*

Yes, I'm aware I have a boyfriend. I'm taken, not blind. Or sane.