Paranoia, paranoia/Everybody's coming to get me

B----, the place I work, is a majorly huge company. So they have all these great freebies, like public-transportation-commute incentives and free health advice through the Mayo Clinic, and just the other day I got a flyer that said, "Feel good about where your health is heading! Take the Mayo Clinic Health Risk Assessment before June 1, 2005, and get a $25 gift card for the road!"

I thought to myself: Self, you could really use a $25 gift card--don't you need more Kiehl's Calendula Toner? And you love taking quizzes and filling out questionnaires! This is perfect!

So I took the damn health risk assessment, and now I'm fucking paranoid. It turns out my risk level is "High", because I routinely drive 6 or more miles over the speed limit, drink more than FOUR FUCKING DRINKS per week, smoke almost daily, don't get 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, and rate my stress level as 4 on a scale of 1-5.

HELLO, MAYO HEALTH CLINIC! THAT CLASSIFIES AS NORMAL! Seriously, who do you know that's not stressed out, drinks less than one drink per day, eats 5 servings of fruits and vegetables, and drives the speed limit everywhere? Even on back roads that are marked 25, but on which everyone routinely goes 50? (I'll leave off the smoking--I know not everyone does that.)

Right, so now I'm paranoid, or was. My new strategy is to not give a fuck. I don't give a FUCK! It's very freeing. I'm too bad-ass and just too busy living my life to give a fuck. So there.

However. It's still a problem, because not giving a fuck, at its core, requires freedom--the freedom of financial stability, so you're not stressed about money; the freedom of good health, so you can pour drinks and smoke cigarettes while being flagrantly thin and rosy-cheeked, the freedom of an unstressed mind, which is helped by not giving a fuck and also fuels the attitude of not giving a fuck. (It's a vicious circle!--Picture circle: Grrr!)

So. In my efforts to become a more disciplined (and free) person, I have:

1. Made very real efforts towards tutoring. Decided not to go to Princeton Review Audition last night, but am meeting with lady on Thursday for coffee to talk about tutoring her children AND calling Mrs. Troy's friend. Today, if possible.

2. Made a very real effort to take better care of myself. Am eating more greens and more "real" food. Starting off every day with big glass cranberry juice, and taking vitamins (especially garlic and vitamin C). No More Honeymoon-Itis!

3. Moved back to Tacoma for cheaper living.

4. Signed up for lower interest carloan at BECU--in process of faxing Important Documents over.

5. Started kickboxing again and am making real effort to associate "exercise" with "YAY!" in mind, as opposed to "Ugh.", the current association.

6. Brought lunch from home all days this week--healthier and cheaper. As the divine Helen Gurley Brown said, "Carrot sticks are glamour girl fodder."

7. Returned DVDs to Blockbuster so as to get charges refunded! Returned battery to Best Buy and got refunded! (Hey, this is a big deal for me.)

8. Started researching drink specials. Because, duh.

And there you have it. My steps so far on the road to freedom and Not Giving a Fuck. Conventional? No, but why would I ever be conventional?