Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Breezy Elegance

Hardware Geek doesn't have a phone. (I know. But he is very good about emailing constantly.) So when my plans change on the spur of the moment, which happens quite often, it wreaks havoc on the date, because it can't be changed and I can't call him. So, if a girl like me, with a very flexible sense of time, and a girl like LongtimeFriend, also with a flexible sense of time--did I mention I acted like LongtimeFriend's lesbian lover this weekend to make a guy jealous? and that it worked?--anyway, if we maybe go to Tacoma's Greek Festival with my parents, and then maybe we drink some wine, and eat lots of fried feta cheese wrapped in puff pastry, and then when we're leaving I'm trying to coordinate with an Ex whose bag I have in my car after a racuous house party, and I ask him, in making plans, "Well, what time is it now?" And he says, "9:07."

As in, seven minutes AFTER I was supposed to meet Hardware Geek. And I still have to drive LongtimeFriend home. I panic. Then I come up with a bright idea: Hey, I'm supposed to meet him at a coffeehouse, and that's on the way to LF's house, so I'll just swing by there, tell him I'll be late, drive LF home, and come right back! LF agrees that this would be a good idea. We drive to the coffeehouse. I turn off the car, leap out (in spike-heeled boots), run like crazy across the street, and into the coffeehouse. Or at least, that's the plan.

About the time a chain hits my leg is when my slow brain registers the fact that there is a BEER GARDEN OUTLINED BY A KNEE-HIGH CHAIN AND ANCHORED BY MASSIVE FLOWERPOTS between me and the door. By then, of course, it's too late. I go down. The chain comes crashing down on top of me. Along with the chain go several cafe tables, folding chairs, and patrons.

And, of course, the flowerpots.

After all the crashing stops, I venture to stand up. LF is in the car, practically dying because she's laughing so hard, and everyone standing outside smoking is staring at me, mouths agape. Another patron is on the ground. Tables and chairs askew. Gigantic flowerpots are sideways, dirt and cigarette butts pouring out of them. It looks like a meteor hit. I dust myself off (not even a hole in my jeans, by the way), refuse all offers of help, leave the coffeeboy to clean up the mess, and run inside, although by the time Hardware Geek has, of course, seen me. I was hard to ignore. He raises his eyebrows. "That was quite an entrance! Are you okay?" I show him that I am fine, and he agrees to wait a little longer as I drive my friend home.

After that, I figure I could spit on him and get away with it.

15 comments:

ramblin' girl said...

wow... quite the story, glad your jeans made it... how was the date??

Anonymous said...

Jesus Christ. I always miss the good stuff. You never pretended to be a lesbian when I was around.

Glad to see you're taking your time getting back out on the market. :P

How is it everyone is dating more than I am? I'm barely hooking up with one girl, but both of my co-workers at the hospital are juggling 3+ candidates and you have two. And you found someone reputable on CL? How can such things be?

Bonus points if you can tell me what character in the bible that quote is from.

Shananigans said...

Hahahahaha! (Only laughing because you weren't hurt) Oh, I can just picture it now. Nice one! Breezy elegance at it’s finest. How did you manage to not hurt yourself or your clothing? Amazing.

Aarwenn said...

there's a person in the bible that mentions craigslist? or lesbians?

Lindsey said...

Holy crap!!! I would have died!! You played it so cool. That's awesome.

Anonymous said...

*Ahem* The quote in question was the IMMEDIATELY PROCEEDING SENTENCE.

To wit: "How can such things be?" Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Last chance to win the award, bible girl.

T-town Girl said...

Darling, you weren’t even drunk?! That is why you should do everything a little bit buzzed, then you can always blame the bottle.

T-town Girl said...

Kiwi, Does the Bible have "Characters"?

Anonymous said...

TT, you'd perfer what person in the bible? Personage? Aged white opressor?

I used the term, I guess, in the sense that the Bible is a book, and the people in books are characters. Of course, that doesn't work if the books technically non-fiction, but I think of everyone as a character if they're not real to me. Winston Churchill is more a character in books and movies to me than he is a real person. Etc.

Finally, there is the use of character in the sense of a cut-up. Like, that person is such a character. In that sense, I'm sure there are many characters in the bible. I'll bet that Zaccheus was a hoot.

:D

Never ask me a question about the bible. I know more than is healthy.

Oh, and I'm jealous of your faux sapphic affectation as well.

T-town Girl said...

Kiwi, I know nothing about the Bible and I only pretend to be a lesbian anymore if it is going to make my Grandfather uncomfotable.

kt said...

hahahahahahah!

hahahahah!

haha...ahhhhh... hahaha

glad you're ok!

Sherri said...

Gee...if I had a nickel for everytime I pretended to be someone's lesbian lover!

Glad you're ok, though. What a story. I'm sure it was hysterical to see! :)

Anonymous said...

Well, TT, anytime you want to ask something about the bible, I will take your question seriously, as I am always willing to overshare the knowledge.

I really don't care why you pretend to be a lesbian, I'm just sad I've never witnessed it.

And to seriously answer your question, whether there are 'characters' in the bible or not depends on whether you believe it to be true. If you believe it to be simply literature, then everyone in the bible is a character, and not at all based on anyone who ever really existed.

Aarwenn said...

I really have no idea who this character is and don't feel like cheating by whipping out the concordance, so I'm guessing Solomon. He asked a lot of pointless questions like that. Or maybe you'd prefer the answer "The author of Ecclesiastes", since it's not really signed by Solomon per se?

Anonymous said...

About fucking time you got back to me on that.

No, the answer to the question is Nicodemus. He sat down with JC and had a long discussion about the way things were and his response was, "How can such things be?" (depending on your translation, of course, but that's the gist). This lead to Our Lord's soliliquy on not questioning the nature of the wind, (and you could add gravity in a modern sense, I suppose) to whit: shut the fuck up and believe.

Here endeth the lesson.



I'm deeply ashamed of you. :P