Tuesday, March 14, 2006

The Impossibility of Getting Up On Time

Never mind all that dating crap. I just had to get it out.

On to bigger and better things! Like, for example, the impossibility of me getting up in the morning. At all. Under any circumstances. And to get a good picture of why it's impossible for me to get up, we'll have to start with:

A Typical Evening Schedule

9:00 pm (when the trouble starts): Home from any of the following: a) gym, b) errands, c) dropping by people's houses.

9:05 pm: Look into Roommate's room. If he's awake and watching TV, I'll join him for awhile. If not, skip directly to:

9:10 pm: Go through stuff on kitchen table that I have dropped at various earlier points in the day. Gather it up for beside reading material.

9:15 pm: Sit on bed with laptop and reading material. Plan to: read reading material, take notes on things I need for my apartment, write notes for the upcoming week/weekend, maybe write on my novel (progressing at the rate of one page per year)

9:30 pm: Hmmm, I'm falling asleep. Maybe I should stand up now and wash my face, brush my teeth, let the dogs out, put my pajamas on, and crawl underneath the covers.

10:00 pm: I'm too tired to do all that right now. I'll take a short nap, then get up and do all that, THEN go to bed for real. Set alarm for 15 minutes from now to make sure this happens.

10:15 pm: Alarm goes off for the first time.

10:24 pm: Alarm goes off for the second time.

10:33 pm: Alarm goes off for the third time.

10:42 pm: Alarm goes off for the fourth time.

(I could go on, but you get it, right?)

2:13 am: Wake up in a panic. Freezing. I am not under the covers, I am on TOP of the covers, and I'm so cold I'm shaking. I'm on the bed with all the lights on, face unwashed, birth control not taken, teeth not brushed, dogs not let out. I have breath like a small animal has curled up and died in my open mouth. My face is a sweaty, drooly, oil-slick. Titan has a wet spot under him in his bed because he's occasionally incontinent in his sleep when he hasn't been out recently. Lights all over the house are blazing away and I forgot to switch my laundry over.

2:40 am: Having taken care of all that, I crawl back into bed wide awake. I think: I could just get up. I have to get up in two hours anyway, right?

2:55 am: Toss and Turn. Set alarm for 4:30 am.

7:00 am: Wake up in a blind panic, already late for my meeting with my manager at 8:00 am. Call manager to say I will be late. Rush around the house doing everything. Leave at 8:30.

9:15 am: Roll into work almost three hours late. And the day only gets better from there!

My dear IIF's, I am not lying when I say I do this EVERY FREAKIN' NIGHT.

And in spite of all this, I got a raise! And I'm being promoted!

(Actually, the promotion is contingent on a Perfect Attendance Record. They're on to me.)

So, in the spirit of Doing Things Better, I Hereby Resolve to NOT DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING:

1. Sit ANYWHERE on my bed without having done all night chores. (See above.)
2. EVER assume that "this time will be different."
3. Try to take a NAP at NIGHT!
4. Go to bed without washing my face!

I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Also, I need these tools:

1. An Alarm Clock for the Deaf. Shake me up, baby!
2. iPod Alarm Clock. Yes, I'm a sucker for commercials, and I want to start every day with AC/DC's Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution. Because I, too, want to Just Do It!

What will I do with two alarm clocks? Wake the hell up, finally. Maybe.

SheWalks has said all that I want to say.

Click the title for the link to her post.

I do not have a boyfriend--in fact, I've worked hard to be single--but the same principle applies. Only More So. Because I don't have ONE boy in my life that can be offended; I have SEVERAL.

In fact, I've just offended one already. (Hi, J!)

The interesting thing is that only one of them, currently, has my blog address. Which seems sort of unfair, both to the other boys, and unfair especially for J. I wouldn't discuss my dating life with him verbally, but if I make the decision to talk about my dating life (and believe me, I haven't done much else lately) on the blog, then I might as well be talking about to him, right? He could choose to not read, and for his sake, I hope he does. (Full disclosure: he and I haven't talked about this.)

But forget him for the moment: what if I don't really want to talk about my dating life ANYWAY? It's private, right? Or entertainment for only myself and a few close friends? I really like the boys I know and don't want them to become objects of ridicule, because I'm worried that if this leaks out then the gravy train may stop, and that would suck because I'm having the time of my life!

Which is why I WANT to talk about it. My life is great, and the wonderful boys I know have made it so, and so I naturally want to share. Hi, boys! You've made my life better!

For example, I'm kept in fresh flowers daily by a lovely boy who, when I left my coffee mug at his house, returned it to me with a fresh daffodil living in it. And then the daffodil died, and he came over to my house in the middle of the night with a) a fresh rose to take the place of the daffodil, and b) a fifth of Jameson.
There's the sushi dinner. The leftovers of which made an excellent Sunday-morning-before-choir breakfast.

There's the leftovers I'm eating right now: sweet marinated ribs, twice-baked potatoes, and salad. Made for me by a boy whose home-cooked dinner I had to SKIP because my BOSS CALLED ME IN, and I got to take the leftovers home anyway!

There was the comedy club.

There was the time that I was having trouble getting comfortable on the couch with my wrecked knee in the stabilizer (keep in mind that I had a stabilizer on for ALL of the above) and the boy stretched me out so I could take full advantage of the couch and sat on the floor by my head instead, so we could talk. Adorable.

There was the hiking. Oh, God, the hiking. A perfect perfect perfect day.

So, yes, this is me. I am dating. I love men. I watch CSI, I buy Girl Scout Cookies, I have not been to the gym in almost two weeks. I hang with my dog. It's a good life.

Monday, March 13, 2006

VOTE FOR PEDRO

Okay, so I entered a photo contest, and I entered the tongue photo that I showed off just a few posts ago, and in order to win, I need votes! From YOU, my lovely IIFs! The title of the photo contest is Make Me Smile, and this photo makes me smile, so you must vote for it. You must. Or brain-eating worms will devour your personality.

Make Me Smile!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

My Knee Makes My Dog Snore

Note: It's amazing what a wrecked knee will affect. I had to trade cars with my MOTHER and have been driving the SOCCER MOM VAN for a week. Not good for my love life. Nor are the Celine Dion CDs in the Mom Van. I couldn't walk my dog faster than a crawl, I couldn't drive my own (manual) CAR, I couldn't ski, I couldn't dance.

Okay, so I'm female. So yes, I naturally care about how I look. And yes, my weight plays a big part of that. And yes, I still care about my weight, but...

ALL I CARE ABOUT RIGHT NOW IS BEING ABLE TO USE MY KNEE AGAIN.

For those of you who didn't read the Whistler post closely enough, I wrenched my knee skiing at Whistler on the first run of the first day. Of course, I skiied on it all weekend anyway, going off jumps and tearing it up on the dance floor and everything. And then I went to Florida. And THEN I got my knee checked out.

Well, the news is, there is no news. Bones and ligaments are fine. I'll have to get an MRI to see what's really wrong with it. The doctor gave me a knee stabilizer, which helped, as I have now worn it for slightly more than a week and felt well enough today to Go Hiking with Dog and A Boy and His Dog, which was awesome. We walked farther than we meant to, so by the end of the four-mile hike I was favoring my knee again, but I have the stabilizer on now and feel better. Titan is totally exhausted and snoring away.

The Point Of This Story: No matter what your weight or physical shape, if you suddenly break yourself and cannot be active for a week, you will want nothing more than for your legs to work again.

Today I hiked. And that is a beautiful thing.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Things I Need:

And I really, really need it.

In other news, I'M MOVING! On the FIRST! OF APRIL! So, so soon.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Gratuitous Tongue Shot

Happy Three-Month Belated Twenty-Fifth Birthday to Me!



Much love to my girl Bri for taking this shot.

This up-close-and-personal look at my teeth makes me sad I wasn't wearing my fangs. Also: long hair!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Raise Up a Girl in the Way She Should Go

Okay, so I didn't talk much about it on this blog. But for several months now, I've been involved with some other new hires from the Society of Women Engineers (SWE), and we've been trying to plan SWE's Shadow a Female Engineer Day, which happened two weeks ago, Wednesday, Feb. 22, during National Engineers Week.

After several Saturday morning meetings, in which I got up and fueled myself and drove to Seattle or Olympia to present or put together packets, not to mention several evenings spent coordinating travel options, the day finally happened, and we (the council that planned it) have gotten some thank you notes, etc, etc, and it was good.

So I was pleased to discover that Google celebrated Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day, and even blogged about it, because I TOTALLY sent some girls to Google for SWE's Event! If you read the blog post, and squint really hard, and sort of turn your head to the left, I'm mentioned!

No, not really. But they mention their site in Kirkland. And I sent girls to Kirkland for that event. And that is a wonderful thing.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

The Wonderful World of Bargain Shopping

AA Advantage, MyPoints, and Company Discounts, oh my!

It is downright confusing, I tell you, trying to get the best deal. I am not a bargain shopper by nature. You'd think I would be, with a mother who's half Scottish and who supported our family of three on just her salary while my dad chased his dreams for the entire time I lived at home, but you'd be wrong. My mother's philosophy was: If you need it, buy it. If you don't need it, a coupon isn't going to help. It's still money you shouldn't spend.

And she's right, of course. That's not to say she doesn't try to get the best deal--she has charge cards at all her favorite stores because a) she has self-control, unlike me, and b) she saves money at them. She and Nordstrom, in particular, have had a long and loving relationship. (Possibly better than her marriage. Hi, mom!) But she never clipped coupons. She had a deep understanding of the fact that her hourly rate paid her more money than she could save while clipping coupons.

Enter: Me. Hi, guys! I'm a young woman on my own, now, and at 25, my attitudes about money and entitlement are all wrapped up in how my mama raised me and how much money I have and my mama's view of my FATHER'S relationship with money (none too good) and my Scottish background plus my attitude towards electronics and a sense of disdain over saving pennies and yet at the same time a basic OCD approach to life, which would suggest that really, I LOVE details about saving money and coupons and the like. Also throw in: a metalook at What's Important To Me In Life, as in, (hypothetically speaking) should I buy new sheets and a new duvet cover because I have a huge freakin' tear in mine and I'm a Successful Engineer, Dammit, or should I use my mama's hand-me-downs and save my money for not only Tickets to Ghana and Pittsburgh, but also Eurail passes and the like in the future?

(Full Disclosure: I bought the sheets.)

Because, if I can afford both Bedding AND Tickets right now (thank you, Bonus!) then maybe I SHOULD go ahead and buy sheets and a duvet cover and maybe an iPod converter for my car radio, right? Because I'm a Successful Engineer, Dammit, and why the hell should I at THIS point in my life sleep on hand-me-down sheets or listen to our crappy local music stations?

(Full disclosure: I'm still sleeping on a futon and I can't wake up in time to ever remember my iPod anyway.)

Do the right purchases lead to a better lifestyle (better sleep, more time in the morning, more time to enjoy my music)? Or do all purchases simply boost the economy and allow us to chase the dream while simultaneously making sure we never attain the dream?

It's like going to Trader Joe's and maybe, hypothetically, buying $110 worth of stuff so that I wouldn't Waste Money On Lunch at work. Have I, in point of fact, just wasted my money twice because all that will go to waste and I'll end up buying money because I can't wake up on time to make lunch because I'm still sleeping on a futon and will never listen to my iPod?

So since I KNOW that my purchases are really just a feeble attempt to Live the Dream while simultaneously trying to save money to Actually Travel, I might as well try to save money where I can, right?

And here we come around full circle to Bargain Shopping.

If I have a MyPoints account, and I buy things on there and get points back to redeem at other stores (like Starbucks, hooray!), is that better than buying everything through my American Airlines account and earning miles? Or what about buying things through the company discount site and just saving money that I can use at my disposal?

Welcome to my first forays into Bargain Shopping. With no map, no guidance, and a hunger for such stuff as dreams are made on, not to mention a need to quote Shakespeare, I go once more into the breach.

Things I Have Learned, So Far:

1. Most Corporate Discounts suck. My corporate discount at B&N, for example, is 5%. You could get more bang for the buck earning miles instead.

2. So far, my experience with MyPoints has not been great, but it's very little effort to click the links and it takes about three months to earn a $10 Starbucks gift card.

3. Note: It would be faster and better to just get a Starbucks Visa, except that I'm probably not allowed one with my credit.

4. It would be even better to buy stock in Starbucks and get dividends if I like them so much.

5. And if I buy other things through MyPoints in order to get points, then that just encourages me to spend MORE money on consumer stuff I really don't need!

6. Much better to earn miles!

7. So if I'm in MyPoints just for the Starbucks cards, I'm wasting my time.

8. Buy everything from AA Advantage in the future.

The End.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Extreme Sleep Deprivation

This "traveling" thing can really make you tired.

I'd list my schedule for the past few days, but that would be boring. Let's put it this way: I've gotten twelve hours of sleep in three nights. I'm so sleep-deprived that I'm beginning to see dead people.

Just last week I thought to myself, "Self, there's no point in keeping a blog if no one reads it." So I gave my blog address out to a ton of people all at once by putting it in my gmail signature. Yeah, that was a retarded idea. Let's just say that the address is now OFF my signature. (Note to people who got the address in this method and now read this blog: no, of COURSE I wasn't talking about you!)

Apparently money can't buy happiness if you don't have enough of it. (Either.) I really want to move to Seattle. And I'm getting nowhere. No one from Craigslist or anywhere is returning my emails or calls. I've never had such bad housing luck. It's driving me crazy, and maybe I don't want to move after all, okay? Sour grapes what?

Of course, since I rushed into the last two housing decisions I made and therefore my life was awfully rough for a few months, maybe taking my time is good.

Also, I can't go to the gym. My knee still won't bend. This is a problem for kickboxing. Yes, of COURSE I'm still going skiing on Saturday!

Monday, February 27, 2006

Whistler = AWESOME

I have bruises everywhere, including a huge one on my calf that looks like a baseball (no idea where that one came from), matching bruises right above each knee (no idea about those either) and several flowering bruises on my rear. (I KNOW where those came from.)

Highlights:

I drank so much that I went into withdrawal on Sunday night at home and had to pour a quick Jameson.

The Olympics were ending. There was a Jumbotron set up on a stage in the Village Square that showed the Olympics 24-7. We stayed at the Fitzsimmons. Our windows looked directly out at the jumbotron. So did our hot tub.

I wrenched my knee on the first run of the first morning and skiied on it all weekend.

I went off jumps.

I got air on the jumps.

On a mogul run on the second day, I overextended my knee and popped it back into place! YAY!

I skiied so hard that going to the Terrain Park and doing jumps was easier than skiing any more. We cooled down at the terrain park.

The next morning, it hurt just to slice cheese.

It was so cold that it was a major topic of conversation--even for the locals and the lift operators.

The second day, we all came off the slopes and went directly to the Longhorn. We sat outside for hours in all our ski gear and drank while we watched the mountain empty out. The waitress hit on me. This made the 20 male engineers that were there very, very excited.

She never called me. Bitch.

As I walked to the condo, I was serenaded by Simple Plan, who was playing a free concert in front of the jumbotron.

I immediately ran up to the hottub. The hottub contained: a) my peeps, and b) Royal Canadian Mounties. I have no idea how they got there.

Simple Plan yelled up to us to ask if they could join us. We said of course they could, but...they never did. Bitches!

I re-wrenched my knee on the dance floor at Tommy Africa's.

Bob (or my Job, for those who don't read SheWalks) is sending me to FL tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn. I return on Thursday evening, just in time for my day off on Friday.

I had to cancel two dates this week because of that.

I hope everyone's weekend was just as amazing!

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Living Out Loud: My Faults

Hardware Engineer (aka High School Dropout) took me out on a first date to karaoke. He criticized my song choices, actually crumpled up one of my slips in front of me, and proceeded to tell me that women weren't very good at critical thinking. And I kept dating him.

My most recent ex-boyfriend told me once, when we were first dating, that I had a lot of vices. And then proceeded to list them. One of them was sex.

What kind of idiot tells the girl he's just started sleeping with that sex is one of her vices?

What kind of girl stays with him for another four months?

This girl, that's who.

Sometimes I can't believe the shit I still take from guys. But every day that goes by, every ski jump I take where I get MAD air, every time I refuse to count calories, every time I walk my dog, every time I work out so hard that I have bruises, every time I wake up stiff from running, every morning I wake up alone after a long night of clubbing, slightly hungover and perfectly content...

That is a good day.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Aaaannnnnnnddddd...she's OUT!

I'm OUT OF THE MONEY PIT! WOO-HOO!!!

Partly due to my bonus arriving today, but MAINLY due to my careful financing the last two weeks. Because even though I was very short on cash, I did several wonderful things that did NOT involve begging my mother for money.

Because when I get really short, and I've spent most of my money on hookers and blow, and therefore have no money for things like: gas, and then I get stuck at a gas station and my card keeps getting declined and I have to call my mother to come pick me up, and then she notices when she arrives that I haven't paid my tabs EITHER...

...well, that just adds insult to injury. And I mean that in the most literal way.

So, on to the wonderful things:

  • PAID BILLS FIRST. But carefully. Not so that my checks bounced, but I paid the most important ones, which avoids late charges and makes me happy.

  • BOUGHT GAS FIRST. Period, the end.

  • Did NOT rack up gigantic bills at clubs by pre-gaming at home first before going out to said clubs. (Note: if you overdo the drinking at home part, I think the DUI would completely obliterate any money you might save on Red Bull and Vodka at the club.)

  • Did NOT eat out. At all.

And I squeaked by, ladies and gentleman. It was close. But I did it. And it was a very good thing.

And now! On to paying all bills, buying plane tickets to Pittsburgh and Ghana, and, most importantly, more hookers and blow!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Single. Again.

Goodbye CAE, nice knowing you. (Question: will he still read The Blog?)

To all IIFs: Yes, it was mutual, and yes, we're still going to be friends. My friend ManWhore put it this way:

ManWhore: how'd that happen?
Aarwenn: eh. creative differences.
ManWhore: right, you were more post modern, and he was neo classical?
Aarwenn: very much so. nice summary.
ManWhore: thank you!

So!

Also, in reading back on earlier posts, I've realized something horrible: I'm no longer funny. How did this happen? How did I go from funny to unfunny? What happened to my commentors? Am I DOOMED?

Not if I can help it. Stay tuned for the funny.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Pink Mohawks, Weddings, Choir, and Pot

This weekend included a wedding, a birthday party at Belltown Billiards, yuppie central, and then a going-away show at Bob's Java Jive in Tacoma. The link says it all.

At Belltown Billiards, we drank Red Bull/Vodkas and Jameson, at $8 a drink, and then we went to the Frontier Room. My biggest worry was: not maxing out my credit card, staying sober enough to drive home, and not running over any drunk yuppies on the way.

At Bob's Java Jive, I drank PBR, at $2 a pint. My biggest worry was not pissing off the girl with the twin two-foot pink mohawks because I didn't want to get punched in the face, personally guarding my keys so that no one could sneak off and smoke a bowl in my car, and remembering my tab. I didn't do any of these things, but I got lucky--the girl with the mohawks didn't punch me--mainly because I refused to get angry when she confronted me, but I still feel like I chickened out--and no one violated my car. My tab is still open. (Note to Pink-Mohawked Girl: you're a poser and a half. I'm sorry I didn't meet your gaze while you were yelling in my face and say, coolly, "Are you done? Because your breath stinks and you're spitting on me. Get out of my face.")

Sunday rolled around and after singing in the church choir, I did a bunch of chores and went to Sunday Night Dinner. (This is a fairly common activity in the area. No connection should be made between this SND and the last one.) This was a totally different bunch of people; we ate steak and potatoes instead of salmon and artichokes, we drank PBR instead of wine, we listened to Faith No More and the Dropkick Murphys instead of Beck, and they broke out the pipe in the middle of dinner. I had already seen enough pot in one weekend, but I stayed to finish my meal and be polite. This morning my coat is airing out. At home.

And this week: short! Very short! Leaving for Whistler on THURSDAY! Woo-hoo!

Monday, February 20, 2006

Women, Men, Power, and the Parent Trap

About men and women, and gender roles, and what to do if you're a woman but you like a woman, and who does what, and why am I becoming a man in this relationship? And what if you're a woman dating a man, but the gender roles are reversed? And what if you're a woman who likes a man but the man is perfectly happy working in a coffeehouse and you're, say, a high-flying engineer? About power, and how power is involved with sex. About how men and women express their power differently. About different kinds of power in a relationship--about how my friend Stephanie says, "Make me", versus me saying, "I'm going to make YOU make me"--but really, at the end, it's the same, because how can you make someone want to make you unless you're making them make you? How The Parent Trap Remake vs. The Original Parent Trap expresses this. About how women are LESS empowered now than we ever have been before. What we, as young women, can do about this.

And about work, and B-----, and unions, and the state of unions in America. And what makes a company good to work for? Why are we working for a company that did not make Forbes' Top 100 Companies To Work For? How can B----- employ 60,000 employees in the Puget Sound Region and NOT make the list of WASHINGTON'S Top 100 Companies To Work For? (For you statisticians out there, Washington is a hard state to crack--it's only behind California and Texas for hosting the highest number of Top 100 Companies, so in B-----'s defense, they have a challenge. But STILL.) What the hell are they missing that is so basic, and is there a connection between Dream and Reality if B----- didn't make such a generous list and is STILL the biggest employer in the region by far? Does such a list mean anything? What is the next labor revolution in America? Will Generation Y play a part?

And what about Generation Y? CertainlywWe are more self-aware than any other generation. This is both what makes us great--self-awareness promotes world awareness and clear-eyed, objective thinking, which could make us great social commentators--and what will do us in, as this level of self-awareness is fueled mainly by navel-gazing and the Blogosphere may rot our brains before any of us turn 30. Or 20.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Too Good To Keep To Myself

One of the many guys tasked with the onerous burden of entertaining me at work came up with this today:

"You're pure evil wrapped in a yummy candy shell."

So true.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Someone up there loves me!

Actually, screw that. Several wonderful people down HERE love me!

Explanation: as I've been talking about/dissecting/explaining/complaining about for several posts now, over Christmas I fell into a money pit.

And so when I got this tempting email about a second trip to Whistler, I was sorely tempted, but knew that it would be absoutely impossible. I was already too in debt to even buy gas or groceries and dodging calls from creditors, and part of the reason was that I was still in debt from my LAST trip to Whistler, so really it would be a postively idiotic thing to do, not to mention completely impossible without winning the lottery. (When you can't get any more money from your bank card because you're overdrawn, you can't get any more money. Amazing how that works.)

So, I turned it down. With many tears in my heart.

And THEN I looked at the calendar, and realized: "Aarwenn, you're an idiot. You'll get your bonus and your tax return in the next week!"

So I emailed Whistler Lead Guy back in a panic, and said, "Hey, I can make it after all, let me know if there's a spot!" I heard back: "Sorry, we're full." And I was sad, but I understood.

This morning I got an email from my Boyz with this subject line: "You're in!" Email: "Sorry, we exaggerated about being full with 14 because we wanted to make sure we had a couple spots for people we wanted to come, like you! Happy Valentine's Day!"

Me: "Oh my GOD! That's the best Valentine's Day Present EVER! You guys, I think I love you! And may all y'all's V-Days be happy from here on through the end of time."

Adorable Boy: "Oh trust me, Aarwenn, we love you, too. That's why you're going."

This makes getting up at 4:30 today entirely worth it, even after going to bed at 11 because I went to a show last night. And yes, I also walked my dog and went to the gym. Did I mention I also work 12 hours a day? But none of that matters now, because I'M GOING TO WHISTLER AGAIN! WOO!!!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Quark, quark, quark!

The above is both a reference to CAE, who thinks it's funny when I repeat words that I enjoy saying, like quark, and a reference to the second Quantum Physics post in a row, below. Also very long. And this time with guest speakers! Like Waiter and Quatoes!

I promise I'll be back to boys soon, and the impossibility of getting good/functional/not-super-heavy laptop cases, especially when you're barely 5'6" on a good day and are lugging around a gigantic laptop, and why I make my life more difficult, and how I'm slowly climbing out of my money pit, and especially with fun book recommendations.

But because my love life is a little messed up right now, and because CAE reads this blog (GODDAMN ME FOR EVER GIVING HIM THE GODDAMN ADDRESS), right now quantum physics is much easier to write about than love.

Hhhhhaaaadddd ttttooo mmmuuucccchhhh cccaaffeeeiinnneee

Really. Way too much. Am shaking like a leaf on a tree. Just had a big old sandwich and a milk. Not helping yet. Hoping I will calm down soon.

In the meantime, here is some thoughts on yesterday's post.

First, the wise and all-knowing Waiter had this to say:

"Very interesting. You are, however, looking at it from a classic Einsteinain point of view. If you bring quantum physics into the mix, where particles can exist and not exist at the same time, be in two places simultaneously, or change properties by the very act of your looking at it, things get crazy.

Regarding reincarnation, matter cannot be created or destroyed, it is constantly recycled, (We are all made of stardust ad nauseam) so every part of us came from some previous corporeal or energetic form. That happens in the steady flow of time. It is indisputable. You eat some chicken and that chicken becomes part of you. And, since matter and energy are the same (E=mc2) it follows that energies, souls, might travel from one corporeal from to the other. Maybe. Who knows?

Also, Einstein said we could travel forward in time, just not backwards. But some scientists think it possible with wormholes, black holes, etc."

And my reply:

"Hmmmm. I like the example of eating chicken, but that doesn't necessarily prove the flow of time. If time is recreated moment to moment, then there's no flow. Yes, the world that was condensed from the big bang started with a certain amount of matter that cannot be created or destroyed, but the idea of time as a point takes care of flow--time is really a series of points unconnected to each other, not a river. In one moment, a chicken is a chicken, in the next moment, it's a carcass, in the next moment, it's a part of me. That's not proof of flow, that's simply snapshots in time in which some matter changes form each time. Quantum physics proves this, actually, because quantum particles aren't sensitive to cause and effect. Therefore, the notion of cause and effect is really out-dated. The aforementioned snapshots in time don't have to go in order. Chicken could be a part of me one moment, still in the egg the next moment, and alive the moment after that. No flow needed. That, to me, is sort of a macro view of quantum physics--us looking at a chicken immediately changes the nature of matter. There's no sequence of events needed: just looking a chicken one moment means the next moment, it's in our stomachs, a part of us. The intervening sequence that we see, as three-dimensional beings, doesn't exist on the quantum level--it's an immediate change in the particles that happen to be forming a chicken at the moment simply because we observed them. Not because we immediately look at a live chicken and think, oh, I must eat that, but that some seminal human once looked at some seminal chicken, and because of that meeting all these moments in the life of a chicken--egg, alive, carcass, part of us--randomly float as quantum moments.

But still, there's really no cause and effect. I think of it as: everything that has happened, has ALREADY happened. We as humans need sequence, and so we live time sequentially through moments that effect each other, but that's not really what happened on the astral plane. Every thing that can happen and the coordinating particle state is waiting, floating, sort of dormant, for us to live through. I'm not being very clear, but I hope you can see what I'm getting at.

I don't think the fact that matter and energy are the same disagrees with this notion at all. Clearly, in quantum physics, matter and energy ARE the same. This is what allows quantum particles--points with no dimension, in time or space--to exist existentially, with no sequence or cause and effect. They are everywhere and nowhere at once, everytime and notime."

The always wise Quatoes pointed out in a comment:

"Though reincarnation... yeah our souls could be everywhen at once, but does that not mean your soul couldn't be doing multiple things at once? The lifetime of a soul compared to a physical body would have to be different, and walking 'linearly' in time for a soul, might just include more than one body couldn't it?"

And he's definitely right. Quantum particles aren't subject to cause and effect, nor are they bound by time or space. They can even be in two--or possibly an infinite number--of places at once! So "reincarnation", as we think of it sequentially, could certainly happen, with your soul occupying several bodies at once, in all different times.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Bus Thoughts, or in Honor of Bill Nye Getting Married!

Notes on discovering old photos. Note: This turned out to be really, really long. Get some coffee and toast! Third note: The title is a link to the Yahoo article. Sad that I can no longer marry Bill Nye. Sniff.

A twelve-year-old photograph that I took in San Francisco (Monterrey, technically) could have been taken yesterday; it is such a capturing of my current taste and aesthetic, not to mention the current fad for industrial chic and post-modern framing/composition that it seems new. In the early-to-mid nineties, when pretty-pretty bistros and fluffy hair reigned supreme, before post-modernism, when I was 13, what could have possibly driven me to take a picture of the side of a building?

The only explanation is: at that time, twelve years ago, the woman that I would become showed in my mind for a brief second, dropped in just like a time traveler from the future, saw the photograph opportunity, and directed my eyes and hands, having in her own mind TODAY'S aesthetic of chic and seeing the industrial beauty in the composition.

Now, would this theory point or not point to the idea of time happening all at once?

If time happens all at once, when did the woman I am have time, so to speak, to dip into a young girl's head and control her eye, even if (or ESPECIALLY if) that young girl was really that woman, only twelve years before? If time happens vertically, all at once, then it must have been in a dream, because I don't remember an out-of-body experience.

Really long discussion: this idea of vertical time is the current theory as to why time travel is impossible. You can't travel back to a certain place in time because technically time happens all at once, in one moment; the Crusades are being fought at the same time that I am typing this. You are fixed in time because you can only exist in one plane (or really, 4-D integral) at once. In English: Time is a dimension like length, height, or depth. In the same way that you can't exist in more than one place at a time, you can't exist in more than one time at a time. (Ha!)

Now, technically, in the same way that you can move from place to place, you should be able to move from time period to time period, but it doesn't happen that way because Time is EVERYWHERE, all at once. It's the same as the concept of a point: technically, it has no dimensions, so it's both everywhere and nowhere. If you could condense physical dimensions into a point, and you could survive, you'd be everywhere and nowhere. There'd be no place to go because you would already BE everywhere you could be. In the same way, Time is ALWAYS a point--every new moment, which can be broken down into infintestimal moments, which are points--they are both all times and no times. Put another way, time doesn't really exist. You already are in all the time periods you'll ever be in--all time periods at once. You can't travel to another one--there's no time to go to!

Does that make sense?

So, is reincarnation bunk? In my opinion, yes, because it's not as if past versions of you exist--time doesn't work like that. Your soul, your consciousness, is ALREADY everytime. (Like everywhere, only everytime.) Again: if all space was a point, you couldn't travel from place to place because there would be nowhere to go, and since time really is a point, (at least for now--see the next paragraph for more explanation) your soul CAN'T TRAVEL FROM ONE TIME TO ANOTHER, EVEN FORWARDS IN THE FORM OF REINCARNATION, BECAUSE THERE ARE NO OTHER TIMES. (For music lovers: instead of a conductor conducting in 4/4 time, as in 1, 2, 3, 4, think of it as Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, etc, on into infinity. Time is an infinite series of Nows.)

So: Why are time and space different? Why is space spread out and time not spread out--as in, why is time always a point with no actual dimensions and space is spread out into three dimensions, allowing us to physically move from place to place? For you non-fundamentalists, space WAS like time before the big bang. That's the concept of the big bang--that we came from nothing, and everything. Life is condensed from the point that it was--we used to be everywhere and nowhere at once, and now we are tied, physically, to one spot--at least in the three dimensions that we can see. Remember how I said that if you could condense space into a point, and you could survive? That'd be the big bang backwards--and you'd lose your body, but keep your soul. Souls don't have physical dimensions and can exist in a point.

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

For anyone who ever heard of the Bible, yes, there are some very strong parallels here between this concept--life condensing from being omnipresent--and The Fall from The Garden of Eden. Instead of being supernatural beings that could be everywhere--walking with God on the astral plane, you might say, not tied to any sort of dimension whatsoever but instead a random flow of dots streaming through the universe, or more like members of a hive mind, in which the Mind is God--we Fell from the astral plane and are now tied to one spot. God created the world--in three dimensions--so that we might have solid ground to stand upon, because we had become solid, tied physically to the universe. The Bible paints this picture backwards--that God created the world first, with us in it, and THEN we fell. Who knows why? But the myth of a garden of good and evil and humanity purposely choosing knowledge over security goes back thousands and thousands of years in mythology--way before the Bible was written. The old Levites who wrote it had to use parallels that their audience would understand.

Almost done, I promise!

One more thought: so, if time exists everywhere, all at once, how can the woman I am today have stepped "back" in time? Obviously, she couldn't have. But remember, time is a POINT, not dimensional. Our brains are NOT tied to time. (Well, our brains are physical, so they are, but our souls aren't--no dimensions, remember?) Our souls are already everytime at once. This is the difference, The Big Hole, The Big Separation, between our physical bodies and our souls. We as collective beings know that we used to be astral, and now we're physical. It's this separation that drives people to drink, find religion, go crazy and murder children, sadistically torture others, etc. It's a way to block the Huge Gaping Hole between the freedom our souls could have and the physical prison in which our bodies are trapped. Religious people refer to this as the God-shaped vacuum.

The soul part of yourself is really omnipresent and omniscient; it exists at all time AND places. Because it is tied to your physical body--in a way that I still don't understand--it can't leave at will. It wants to, but it can't. But occasionally--once in a great while, when the stars are aligned--it steps forward from your sub-conscious to your conscious, recognizes true beauty, and overrides your physical leaning, and makes you take a photograph that will stand through the ages.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Superbowl Review!

Pre Game show of Stevie Wonder and Friends: "God, John Legend is so ridiculously hot. Apparently the sound guy thinks so, too, because he's the only vocalist I can hear. Which is a real shame since Stevie Wonder and Joss Stone are just as incredible. Oooh, love the fact that the other vocalists end the show in some prearranged pose and John Legend just steps in front of all of them to take a bow. Nice."

Pre-Game special on Bill Cowher: "Hey, the Monongahela! Hey, the Smithfield St. Bridge!" CAE: "The what?"

National Anthem: "Fucking sound guy. I can barely even hear Aretha. And she's hard to tone down."

Me, mid game, talking to Joey Porter like he can hear me: "The tackle is over! GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM!" CAE, laughing: "It's so cute when you swear. You're, what, five-foot-nothing? What the hell are you going to do to Joey Porter?"

Halftime Show: "Hey, at least I can hear Mick Jagger--who totally still has IT, wow. The other guys are almost comatose up there, but Mick is workin' it. Go Mick!"

More halftime show: CAE and I get into a long discussion about why we've had two ENGLISH acts, of all things, two years in a row. English OLD guys. And this year the Superbowl is in MOTOWN, of all places! We agree that some other act should have been pregame and that Stevie Wonder should have had the Halftime Show, with maybe Mariah Carey and Aretha. They could have dominated the stage.

So sad I missed Macguyver. I was trying to convince The Boy's computer to let me check my gmail and missed part of the game and that particular commercial.

LOVED FedEx. Hated any mention of Pizza Hut after seeing Jessica Simpson once. CAE gets a lot of points for also hating on Jessica Simpson. Hate the fact that we got pizza anyway, after seeing commercials for it five thousand times. (Full disclosure: We got DOMINO's, not Pizza Hut.) Goddamn commercials.

Oooooh, the Washington State Credit League commercial! I love commercials!

Didn't see the Washington State Credit League commercial? The commercial with two guys rapping, one black guy and one scrawny red-headed white guy with huge bling, obviously dressed to be a poser?
Here's a link.


One of the guys in that commercial, somewhere, is Adrian Ryan, who pens "Celebrity I Saw U" for The Stranger, Seattle's infamous independent newspaper. Most recent column.

Stay with me, it's important! Here's Adrian's coverage of the commercial. (coming soon, but here's the link)

The question is: WTF? Where does the persona that appears in the column appear in the commercial? Can it be the scrawny, cute, red-headed white guy? Can anyone be that schizo? Is it one of the actors shouting: Action! ? Will my world ever be the same?

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Time Bubble

It is amazing to think that, after all the craziness that happened this weekend, that neither my gmail account nor my blog reflects that. It is amazing to realize that, because the craziness was completely incestuous, that my blog has not somehow updated itself, picking up the collective consciousness of Tacoma, merged the facts from the collective consciousness with my writing style, and written a new entry on its own. It is amazing to think that I can change my mind that many times in one weekend. It is amazing to think that my friends have so much patience with me. It is amazing how much I love my friends, and how much I love men. Truly amazing.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Also...

Dewey, can we form a support group? Name of the support group: Trips To Africa Are Fucking Expensive!

British Airway's quote for Ghana: 1,983.68.

STA's quote for Ghana: 2,138.95.

My quote: HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD.

Tales from the Money Pit, Cont.

I'm broke but going skiing anyway, and NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

Why?

1. I'm already overdrawn in one bank account.
2. I don't have enough money in the other bank account to cover the overdraft, so it wouldn't do jack.
3. So I might as well use it to do something fun!

Sigh. At least the money pit is getting shallower. I'm digging myself out, slowly but surely.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I feel so pretty, oh so pretty*

Warning: Boring Post.

Newsflash: I PAINTED MY NAILS. Yes, I did. I can't remember the last time I had painted nails--either toe or finger. For those who want to know: the fingernails are clear, the toenails are silver. Gunmetal silver.

Because, you see, I had low-grade food poisoning last night, which prevented me from going to the gym. Note to self: Don't eat B's cafeteria's attempt at Indian food, no matter how hungry you are. Full disclosure: I probably wouldn't have gone to the gym anyway. I had a great day at work, but it involved walking all over the factory--which is the size of NINETY-ONE FOOTBALL FIELDS--and climbing up to planes and back down again and all over the planes, everywhere. I was exhausted. Which was my excuse as to why I spent three hours watching TV, which is in turn what sponsored the nail-painting. Love you, CSI.

Things I want to do that I haven't done in awhile:

1. Climb the wall at REI!
2. Ski! (Happening on Saturday!)
3. Have a dinner party! (Happening on Saturday!)

Things I HAVE done:

1. Sold all my old doll memorabilia!
2. Written a page of my novel!
3. Cleaned my room!
4. Hand-washed all my sweaters! (A waste of time--I could have put them in the washer on Very Gentle.)
5. Gotten my shoes re-heeled!
6. Taken stuff to the dry-cleaners!
7. Started tutoring again!

Things I NEED to do:

1. Finish Organizing Music Collection, Dammit.
2. Wash the dishes.
3. Make stencils for shirts.

*Title is blatantly stolen from a post title of T-Town Girl.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Happy Birthday, Mozart

And thank you for writing your requiem, which is so apropos for today, in the middle of so much death.

May Connie Waits, mother of two middle-school girls in my church, see her idea of heaven, and may it have all not been a sham.

And may the childhood friend of CAE's father rest in peace for eternity.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Happy Again!

At least a reasonable facsimile of it. Because everyone falls into money pits occassionally, and at least it's not credit card debt, and I'm still way above average in debt anyway, and it'll all get fixed tonight. Who cares if I've given $600 to Key Bank this month.

Moving on. In order to combat this temporary poverty, I am following Kristy's excellent example and blatantly stealing her NJ06 model, otherwise known as No Joy in '06. Except it'll just be No Joy in February, or NJFB.

So! NJFB, here I come!

I'm tired of acting happy.

My soul is a deep dark navy blue. I am so broke, and yet Key Bank keeps withdrawing money. I don't even have energy to fight it. Verizon is screwing me over. I have no energy to fight that. CAE lives very far away from me and I'm tired of that fact. I'm tired of living in Tacoma. I'm tired of him living in Mill Creek. I'm tired of driving up there. I'm tired of waking up in the dark and coming home in the fucking dark! I'm tired of everything! I'm tired of it! Go away, world.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Next Stop, Detroit!

Yeah! Go Seahawks, Go Seahawks, go, go, go Seahawks!

For those of you who are Seattle natives, and care about pro ball (which would be no one who reads this blog) I don't have to explain what a big deal this is. For those of you who aren't Seattle natives or don't care about pro ball, I'll save you the explanation.

So, moving on. I spent most of my day sitting very still in my office chair and trying to stifle my groans. Note to self: walking, for an hour and a half, letting your dog set the pace, when you're still not at 100% health-wise and haven't worked out in a week...is a bad idea. My muscles aren't on fire so much as they're at sort of a dull roar. It's like I've been beaten, hard, by a pillow with a core of lead--not sharp enough to leave bruising, but hard enough to leave deep-tissue aches. And no, I don't really have any idea what that feels like. Thank God.

Obviously the way to counteract this would be to eat the health food I have here--spinach, peppers, and organic mac and cheese--but digesting "real" food just seems like too much work. And so I ate pizza for lunch and have had one mini Mr. Good bar, one mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, and one cherry Starburst. And dry cereal. (In other news, can someone tell me while cereal that's really good for you--like Kashi or Smart Start--is so effin' high in calories, and a cereal like Lucky Charms has a calorie content of almost HALF that of Smart Start? Why? Why? Oh, the insanity!)

Moving on, again. Finally the painkiller that I took (god bless you, ibuprofen) kicked in, and now I have some semblance of a sense of humor. I missed it while it was gone. Welcome back, humor.

In other news, everyone really needs to read this: 'Tis the Season to Be Sickly. Note to CAE: walking in the rain does NOT cause colds!

Also in today's news, I said "Foucault's Pendulum" when I meant to say "Occam's Razor". Whoops.

And finally, it will be the best Superbowl ever (at least for me) because PITTSBURGH is playing the HAWKS! (It would be helpful to know for everyone that I went to Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh for college. Nonetheless, there's no doubt who I'm rooting for. The Steelers have been to the 'Bowl already. Seattle is the underdog, and Seattle will WIN, WIN WIN.

Friday, January 20, 2006

In Which I Talk About How Badly I Manage Money, Ad Nasueam.

So, a long time ago (about three paychecks ago, maybe four) I thought I had a lot of money in the bank. A LOT of money, I thought. And it was about to be Christmas. So I bought a lot of stuff. And fell off the Starbucks wagon. In a big way. (Can we say a ten dollar PER DIEM Starbucks habit? Yes, we can. Um. Assuming I can even pay for the use of my own vocal cords anymore. And assuming we know that Per Diem is Latin for per day. And by "we" I mean "you".)

So, about two paychecks ago, I became overdrawn at the bank. Which happened because even though my roommate kindly wrote me a check for his half of the rent, ON TIME, I FORGOT TO DEPOSIT IT. Did you read that correctly? I FORGOT TO DEPOSIT IT.

So, that check did not make it into my account, yet I continued to spend as if it had. The day before I'm about to LEAVE for WHISTLER, my MOTHER calls me and says,

"Did you know you're overdrawn at the bank?"

Can we all let that sink in for a second? That my MOTHER knew that I was overdrawn before I did? And how did she know? Why, she was talking to my father, who happens to be a cosigner on my account, and he was looking at his accounts online, and mine happens to show up because it's an account he's on, after all. I also imagine that besides telling my mother, my father called HIS mother, who probably called her sister, and her sister probably called five other church ladies, who probably eventually told Former Boss, who probably told his friend, the editor of The Tacoma News Tribune, and I fully expect the fact that I was overdrawn to be front page news anytime.

Moving on. So, because Key Bank is the devil, they charged me a lot for being overdrawn. Like, about 160 dollars. Out of money that I already didn't have. So the day I'm supposed to leave for Whistler (one of the cheapest vacation spots in the world, ha ha!) I'm running around from bank to bank with two people that I DON'T know from Adam in my car, treating them to a first-hand view of how badly I manage money.

But no, it's not over. Not by a long shot.

I cash Roommate's check into Key Bank, mentally cursing them for raping me with overdraft charges, and run over to BECU, at which is my "savings" (HAHA!) account, and withdraw $200, CAD. In preparation for Whistler. I'm thinking, it'll be tight, but I can make it! Yay!

AND THEN I FORGET MY SKI PANTS. Yes. Really. And I totally forget that you can rent ski pants, so I run out and spend $100 CAD on ski pants, trusting my $100 CAD to get me through three days of skiing and parting at Whistler.

Ha. Did I mention I now owe a bunch of strangers some money? Yes. The people who I went on the ski trip with floated me money.

But no, the pain is not over yet. Perhaps now would be the time to mention that I got a call way back in JULY with an offer to add unlimited text-and-picture messaging to my Verizon account for the low, low price of $5.00. At the time, I thought: well, I don't use text messaging OR picture messaging that much, I'll just keep it to a reasonable amount.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! God, I crack myself up.

Because then I started dating CAE, who LOVES to text message, not to mention that we spent all of the holidays away from each other. In loud bars. Where speaking, or hearing, wasn't really possible. So, we texted. A lot.

And then (yes, there's several more "and thens") I forgot to pay my phone bill and got a late charge! So I come back from Whistler, completely broke and owing people money, and I get a phone bill for $221.89. I just about cried.

Did I mention, also, that my insurance check bounced as well, giving me a ton more late charges, and that my phone bill bounced too? Did I mention that up to now, I've given freely of my own accord TWO HUNDRED FORTY FUCKING DOLLARS to Key Bank? Did I mention that? And spent easily $60 on phone bills that were completely unnecessary? Did I mention I just got a letter from my no-good cut-rate insurance company that seems to be the only one who will insure me because of my expensive driving record that states, verbatim, "due to the above referenced-loss the amount of property damage may exceed the liability coverage available to you under the above-referenced policy"? And that maybe turning tricks on the corner for quick cash is beginning to look completely appealing? And that I'm seriously considering selling my body to science? Hey, four weekends and ten day-time appointments = $1800 in my book.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Sidenote

We can all welcome CAE (Chicago Aerospace Engineer) to this blog, because he has the address and may read it.

Hi, honey!

I did it!

MY HAIR IS SHORT! WOO! Pictures are coming!

In other news, I'm super sick. My head feels stuffed with cotton, I haven't gotten anything done at work because I can't think, all the people I see annoy me, etc. Good times.

Blech.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Two fer One!

Two posts in one day! Who'da thunk? Okay, so this is copied straight off the internet. I still found it hysterical.

25 Signs That You Are Grown Up:

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door
won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of
one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21.You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to
drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant, you congratulate them
instead of asking, "Oh S*$#, what the hell happened?"

Bonus: 26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign
that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old
butt.

Bawk! Bawk!

I would like to be able to say that I cut my hair off yesterday...

But I can't. Because I didn't.

Although, in spite of the title of this post, it was NOT because I chickened out! Really!

I was stuck in meetings all day. Scout's Honor. On the plus side, the meetings went AWESOME and my new lead APPRECIATES me! People listen to what I have to say! I'm INCLUDED on email chains! My lead COMPLIMENTS me on my work!

It's sad that I'm excited about being treated well at work for the first time ever.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Completely Inappropriate Picture of Myself

But it's important! This is the last time for awhile I'll get to be Lady Godiva.
My long, wet hair. (Click for actual pic.)

Because it's all coming off for Locks of Love on Thursday at NOON! That's TOMORROW!

And yes, there will be before and after pictures. Duh.

Also, B----- peeps continue to get out of control, the weather outside is frightful, and when I called Bank of America to investigate their Loan Consolidation offer, the guy I got helping me out was this STUD named Patrick from Virginia, just a month older than me.

Actually, I have no idea what he looks like, but he was so hot and funny on the phone! I had no idea that consolidating my loans would be that enjoyable!

Think that's strange? I've gotten picked up in hospitals, by police officers patrolling clubs, and while walking four blocks between a Metro Stop and a bar in Foggy Bottom in DC (shoutout to THE SCHARDT!) among other places.

Monday, January 09, 2006

If I'm gaining weight, but my pants still fit...

What does that mean? Am I building muscle?

I mean, for Chrissake, I went skiing and dancing for four days in Whistler!

And yes, to say I had a good time would be an understatement. Whistler is really paradise.

Cheers!

Other, extremely boring news:

  • I've fallen into a money pit and I can't get out.

  • Got to spend some quality time with CAE last night for only the second time in three weeks. It was awesome.

  • Have apparently lost two books. Has anyone reading this borrowed either Things You Need to Be Told or The Bombshell Manual of Style?

  • Have BIG PLANS for my boudoir! Red fabric on the walls, vinyl chaps hung and framed like art, and big winter-white silky tassels! WOO!

  • As soon as I get out of this money pit, of course.

  • Wednesday, January 04, 2006

    Things That Suck About Today

    1. I couldn't find a swimsuit at Nordstrom that was a) cute, and b) not 130 dollars.
    2. I realized that even with my $50 Nordstrom gift card, I wouldn't be able to afford anything AND eat in Whistler. (Unless the entire swimsuit was less than $50.)
    3. They have really great sheet sets on Overstock.com that I can't buy, either, even though I really need new sheets.
    4. Following the above rationale, I can't afford an old team suit at NW Swim Shop either. I will just wear the bikini I already have with the stained crotch and take what comes.
    5. At least my legs will be shaved.
    6. I cannot make CAE pay enough attention to me.
    7. Of course, I'm in a mood in which "enough attention" would be physically covering me, 24-7.
    8. Really. I just want to be held. I've realized, while talking to him on IM today, that I don't really have anything to say.
    9. And there's nothing wrong with the relationship. I just want to be covered in CAE. Not in a sick way. Just in a smothering kind of way.
    10. Why is it that when you really need to be entertained, no one will entertain you?

    Good things about today!

    1. Yesterday I spent all day at my desk just ACHING for the gym. Could not wait to get to that gym. That was odd, but great.
    2. Today, too, I can't wait to get home and maybe go for a run before Hip Hop Anonymous. (HHA) (CAE came up with that and I love it.)
    3. Actually Did Stuff at work. (still on a path toward World Domination)
    4. Had a great lunch with other new-hire friends. Funny and wonderful.
    5. Last day of work for the week! WOO!
    6. Leaving for Whistler for THREE AND A HALF DAYS, TOMORROW!
    7. Picking my one of my BEST friends and partners in crime up tonight at the airport!
    8. Going to Karaoke!

    And an observation: in the New World Order, there will be no meetings. Ever.

    a. If two people need to talk, they can talk on the phone. (Cell, of course.) So that they can be anywhere. Like, a Starbucks.
    b. If three or more people need to talk, they can get a conference call through a central operator. And still be on cell phones. Shopping, or walking along downtown.
    c. If a face-to-face event is required, there will be NO SITTING. And discussions will last no longer than 15 minutes without a break.

    ARGH.

    Tuesday, January 03, 2006

    Part Three of an Occasional Series: SIWALTA

    February 11, 2005

    So, I'm dating these two guys, named B and D. I know. Recipe for disaster, right? The worst thing is, their names on my Caller ID look almost EXACTLY alike—I really have to look closely when either one calls, and now I'm so paranoid about it that I have to look three or four times to check and re-check, and I still forget by the time I pick up the phone. Fortunately, their voices sound different—D's got the typical West Coast quick-quick-slow pattern, whereas B is from Cleveland and is a bit more nasal, almost Pittsburgh-type in sound. But it's hard to tell that from a simple "Hello".

    Moving on. B's supposed to call me at 11:30 today, so I step outside for a walk at about this time. While waiting, I call mom. She's on lunch break too, and we both have so much to say to each other that we immediately start to chatter full speed ahead, often talking over each other trying to get the words out in time. We're still in full flow twenty minutes later when someone beeps in. I look at the phone, expecting it to be B, and it's D. Or is it? I double check. Nope, still says D. I interrupt my mom in the middle of a life-changing realization and say I'll call her back. I look at the phone again. Still says D.

    Me, purring: "Hi." (I figure I can't go wrong either way with this.)

    Then I get the shock of my life: the guy who says "Hello" back sounds incredibly nasal. I'm terrified. My phone said "D"! How can it be B? But it does sound like D, somewhat, but really: he's so nasal! A dozen possibilities flash through my head: have they merged into one person? Have they discovered each other's existence and is one of them calling to fuck with me? What if they traded phones to bring me to my doom? Is my phone fucking with me out of revenge for being dropped in the dog’s water dish?

    Fortunately, because I'm dating both these guys, a lot of my conversation is transferable, and nervousness has made me more hyper than usual. I chatter about the gorgeous day and what I'm doing right then, which is walking along the banks of the Duwamish River. Even more confusing, D (if it IS D) is in full business mode, asking me about B----- and so on, which is more of a B thing to do. Finally, my head is spinning like a top in full Exorcist mode when the guy on the other end (whom I've barely been listening to) says, "...blah blah blah Local Tacoma Restaurant blah blah..." and I'm saved. It IS D! Hallelujah! I settle down and begin to pepper my conversation with terms of endearment. After all, I am sleeping with him and calling him my boyfriend—he and I have a different relationship than me and B. D and I are in the middle of exchanging dirty suggestions when my phone beeps again.

    You guessed it. It's B, calling half an hour late.

    Me: "Oh, hang on sexy, it's my Mom." *beep*
    D: "Sure, go ahead."
    Me (praying that I have actually switched over lines): "Hiiiiiiiii," purred.
    B (very nasal and Cleveland): "Hi! Blah blah blah I hurt my foot on my run this morning and might have to get it operated on!"
    Me: "Oh no, hon! Tell me all about it!"
    B: "Blah blah blah blah blah remember our date tonight blah blah blah!"
    Me (several minutes later when I remember that I'm still on the phone with D): "Oh, hon, I have to go! I got so caught up in talking to you that I forgot I was on the phone with my mom! Can I call you back at 2:30?"
    B: "Sure!"
    Me (clicking over again, praying equally hard): "Geez, my mom! Talk talk talk!"
    D: (laughs) "So, My Friend blah blah blah what are you doing on your night as a free woman blah blah?"

    (aka the night I already told D I wouldn't be free because I'm going out with B, but told D I was going out the The Girlz.)

    Me (inventing frantically and stalling, but trying to make it sound like I'm just drawing out the revelation): "Weeeeeeelllll...Co-Waitress and I have been in some talks...blah blah blah no actual plans yet blah blah probably come home early anyway blah blah total bullshit blah blah blah!"
    D: "Sounds great!"
    Me: (silently) Thank you, Goddess of Courtesans.

    Friday, December 30, 2005

    But Hey, It's Not ALL Bad...

    First, I Resolve To Do These Things Better!

    1. I resolve to, henceforth, not like Unworthy Boys! I resolve to spend more time with Slightly Nerdy and Secretly HOT Boys! So far, dating CAE, I'm doing well at this.

    2. I resolve to Finish My Christmas Cards. (Hopefully, this will happen very soon.)

    3. I resolve to Clean The House Weekly. Now that I'm on vacation, I cleaned the house on Tuesday, and you know what? It's not that hard and it doesn't take that long. Seriously.

    4. I resolve to finish cataloguing and organizing my mp3 collection.

    5. I resolve to Do More Laundry. So far, I'm actually doing pretty good at this. (My usual routine is about once a month. And that's just gross.) (Note: I resolved to this last year.)

    6. I resolve to wash my face TWICE A DAY. Yes, I have to resolve this.

    7. I resolve to take two classes: A language class and Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People.

    8. Also, I resolve to take one business-related short class every quarter. Composites, DER Training, SOMETHING.

    9. Along with the above, I also resolve to Love My Job More.

    10. I also resolve to get involved in the Big Sister Program. Tacompton T, want to buddy up?

    11. I resolve to get less involved in church. Yes, really. I feel like a hypocrite while there. Or get more involved and just give into the brainwashing. Could go either way.

    12. I resolve to walk Titan more. At least five walks/runs a week. (Okay, I'm a terrible dog owner, okay? And yes, I resolved this last year, too.)

    13. I resolve to drink Apple Cider Vinegar, Detox Tea, and eight glasses of water EVERY DAY. (Sigh. You guessed it: I resolved this last year, too.)

    14. Is 13 an unlucky number? Not anymore!

    And, Things I DID Do in 2005:

    1. Resolved to lose weight--and did so! Woo!
    2. Resolved to hit the gym more--and I did!
    3. Resolved to drink less Starbucks--and I did!

    Hope all of you are just as full of new plans!

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!

    We Regret These Errors

    It's the end of 2005. It's been a long year. I have moved three times, changed roommates four times, and changed boyfriends at least twice. I have done great things, and I have done things I regret. That's right, you heard me! I regret stuff!

    Fuck all of you who say you have no regrets. That's idiotically optimistic, completely untrue, and worst of all, it smacks of revisionist history. Terribly illogical. Of COURSE you regret stuff. Everyone does. Yes, you may have learned from it, and yes, that lesson may have value...but does it really combat the overarching shame resulting from doing That Thing You Regret? Couldn't you have learned that lesson in some easier manner?

    Yes, you could have. So in the spirit of The Stranger, I present:

    We Regret These Errors.

    1. I regret dating a man who has so few social skills that, when I see him in a bar, and I go up and politely ask how he's doing, his answer is..."Uh....go away."

    2. Yes. In fact, I regret the entire encounter with Hardware Engineer and would like to take this opportunity to mention that he's NOT an engineer, he's a social doofus who never graduated from high school. Thank you.

    3. I do not regret in entirety all of the boys I met while living with T-Town Girl. Nor is she to be blamed for any of my actions. In fact, all of the attention I got that year was extremely good. What I regret is my general behavior during daylight hours. Could I have BEEN any more needy or delusional? No, I couldn't have been. I regret that.

    4. I regret being so infatuated with CAE that, when he asked me to give up 1) other men, and 2) smoking, I agreed, because frankly I would have said anything to keep the making out going.

    5. Not that I regret dating CAE--far from it. I regret not asking him to give up some bad habits of his own while in the conversation.

    6. Because every time I turn down a cute boy, I really, really regret it, and then I want a cigarette, which I can't have. UGH.

    7. I regret ever trying to live in West Seattle. Really, what was I thinking?

    8. I do not regret every minute I spent on the beaches in West Seattle with Titan, even though it was totally illegal.

    9. I regret thinking, two years ago, that all mp3 players were pretty much the same and I could get any brand that I wanted. Because although I now have an iPod and don't feel behind the times anymore, I still regret being that stupid about the future of iPod.

    10. I regret not owning stock. Even though I have told people that I do.

    11. I do NOT regret gaining weight. Because it makes losing it all that much more sweet.

    12. At the same time, I do not regret this pint of Ben & Jerry's I am downing right now.

    13. I regret being such a huge bitch about T-Town's relationship with Boyfriend. (Hers, not mine.) I was wrong, all year. And I'm sorry.

    14. I do NOT regret not breaking up with Ex-TheBoy when the time was right, and instead sticking it out until the bitter end. I learned a lot. That is, in this case, entirely worth the heartache I paid for it.

    15. At the same time, I regret not dating CAE earlier. Again, what WAS I thinking?

    16. I do NOT regret meeting kt in Real Life. Because she's totally AWESOME! And her brother is too! (Hi, C!)

    17. Back to boys: I regret not inviting Houseguest to Seattle earlier. I mean, seriously.

    18. Also I regret not living closer to Houseguest. Like, in L.A.

    19. Speaking of worthy boys, I completely regret liking unworthy boys, included but not limited to: Messed-Up Wannabe Artist and Pothead.

    22. In fact, I regret not spending enough time, attention, or favors on Slightly Nerdy But Totally Worth It Boys. They really deserve it.

    23. I reget being such a Tacompton Girl that when I go to a bar with friends, and one of their boyfriends goes from Normal to Whacked Out in 60 seconds, and tries to start shit with 20 Federal Rangers, I'm not surprised.

    24. In addition, I regret that Tacoma is such a dirty, lawless, and dangerous city.

    25. I regret that certain Tacoma natives are trying to deny this. It is what it is! You can't change the facts!

    26. However, I do NOT regret that I'm comfortable here! Yeah, peeps! Reprazent!

    27. So, clearly, I do not regret moving back here from college. But if I'm still here in a year, and I don't have a good reason, I WILL regret that.

    29. I regret that I have to cut off my hair in a very short time. I hope I will not regret the actual act.

    30. I regret ever seeing the Fantastic Four. Or Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

    31. I regret not taking Titan on more walks.

    32. I regret continually taking my mother's and grandmother's bait.

    33. It's hard not to.

    34. Occasionally, I regret being such an egotistical, paranoid meglomaniac. But not often.

    35. I regret that I don't regret being an egotistical, paranoid meglomaniac MORE often.

    36. I regret that I did not love my job more. My job is awesome and deserves to be loved. (Actually, I have a cakewalk of a job that I generally love and pays me a ridiculous amount. I should be worshipping my job.)

    37. I regret that I haven't traveled more...

    38. ...especially to meet all you IIFs! Have a great New Year's and, in 2006, I hope that you don't regret a thing!

    Monday, December 26, 2005

    If I post every six days, is that enough?

    Things I HAVE done since the last post:

    1. Sent out 25 Christmas cards.
    2. Gone skiing.
    3. Talked to kt on the phone.
    And made plans to hang out! She's in Tacoma!
    4. Finished re-organizing bookshelf. Woo!
    5. Had a great conversation with CAE.
    6. Worked 35 hours in three days.


    Things I have NOT done:
    Called Houseguest.
    2. Done laundry.
    Clarification: I did a load of dark--sheets, underwear, workout clothes. They never got put away. They are still in a pile on my bed. Yes: the sheets that need to go ON my bed are in a clean (and getting dirtier by the second--thank you, dog hair) pile ON TOP OF my bed. I'm sleeping on my mattress pad with no covers on my pillows.
    3. Cleaned the house.
    4. Burned any Christmas CDs.
    This is, for obvious reasons, now off the list.
    5. Done anything, Ebay or otherwise, with any old toys whatsoever.

    Woo! Vacation! That is all.

    Tuesday, December 20, 2005

    Sorry, readers

    I'm still here. I'm just busy as hell. It's the holiday season. Y'all know.

    Things I have been doing:

    1. Running. Twice, now, in the last week!

    2. Arguing with CAE. We had a very heated debate about things (about us, and about Life Issues) during which my phone may have accidentally hung up on him. And then we talked a little more, and then we were better. Isn't it a little early in the relationship to be fighting? Probably. But at least we're passionate. We are just really, really different.

    3. Working a lot.

    4. Receiving a battery-operated toy.
    Yes, from kiwi. When I get time to properly try it out, you may never hear from me again.

    Things I Have NOT Done:

    1. Sent out a single Christmas card. Or put addresses on more than 12 out of 50. Or picked up the prints of Titan that I want to include with them.

    2. Cleaned my house.

    3. Done laundry.

    4. Finished re-organizing my bookshelf.
    I started this project Sunday, put books all over the floor, gave up, and left them there. I'm hoping they might antique and gain value. (Note: this project was initialized by receiving an absolutely lovely birthday present from Houseguest, that I wanted to properly display. So I thought I'd reorganize. And then...right. Note to Houseguest: your present is in a safe place. NOT on the floor.)

    5. Burned any Christmas CDs.

    6. Called Houseguest on his birthday. Or yet at all.

    7. Put old toys up for auction on Ebay.

    8. Boxed up the rest of the old toys to give away for Christmas NEXT year.

    Sigh.

    Wednesday, December 14, 2005

    Happy Birthday to ME! or, a New Motto For Life

    That's right, folks! The big 2-5! I'm a Quarter-Century old, TODAY!

    And did you know that John Lennon was shot twenty-five years and six days ago? Just to make that more clear:

    Dec. 8th, 1980: John Lennon is shot
    Dec. 14th, 1980: Aarwenn is born.

    I was pointing this out to Houseguest in L.A. last night, and he said, over the roar of the laundromat where he was doing his laundry,

    "So, you're saying that you're the reincarnation of John Lennon?"

    Duh. No wonder I'm a demanding, egotistical person. I was born to be a star!

    Other big things in December:

    Dec. 7th, 1941: Pearl Harbor is bombed.
    Dec. 14th, 1981: My friend Amy is born. (That's right, we share a birthday.)
    Dec. 14th, 2004: My friend Aaron gets married. The funny thing is that he and I had a thing, and he also dated Amy. So, smart readers will notice that he managed to make his anniversary The Same Day as TWO of his ex girlfriend's birthdays. That's an overachiever for you.
    Dec. 18th, 197X: Houseguest is born! (That's right, our birthdays are that close.)

    And many other wonderful people were born in December, like my lead engineer here at B-----, Hardware Engineer's Sister, my friend Kathleen, who just got married, and Patty Duke, just to name a few.

    More birthday stuff:

    Sagittarius:Your independence may be compromised when a parent or other loved one needs your assistance during an illness or while recovering from an injury. This means putting your own plans on hold, especially when travel is involved. This is a time for you to express unspoken love and gratitude.
    Lucky Number: 560
    Financial Outlook: excellent
    Compatible Sign: Leo

    Hmmmmmmmm...

    And this one:

    TODAY'S BIRTHDAY (December 14). You belong. This year, the stars remind you often that your contributions matter -- you're vital in the lives of others. Next month, you are able to shift your work in a more fulfilling direction. A longstanding family issue is settled next month to the best possible end. Virgo and Cancer share completely with you, bringing you joy and laughter. Your lucky numbers are: 50, 3, 22, 12 and 35.

    (Note: this is surprisingly accurate regarding work.)

    And another:

    SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Projects seem stale. Relationships need new energy. You can't see the charm in staying put. Long ago you started running, and you're running still.

    This is also surprisingly accurate, which is why the news that I'm being moved to a new project here at B----- was so great to hear.

    And finally, an new motto for life, and one that eerily echoes my last horoscope:

    Keep your walking shoes on.

    I went for a pre-birthday run last night, and it was really glorious. Cold and foggy, but not windy. Titan and I trotted and breathed for four miles, and I arrived home feeling euphoric, almost high. I also got to think about a lot of things, with just he and I pounding the pavement, like: CAE, and how different we are, and how his Ex is still so prominent in his life, and what I think about that, and how I second guess myself and try to please others, even when I shouldn't, and how there's still so much I want to do and try before I settle down, and how I want to get more into art, and, and...

    And so I came up with the motto:
    Keep your walking shoes on.

    Thursday, December 08, 2005

    My site can be pretty.

    Beauty from the bridge.

    Shore.

    More Shore.

    Sigh!

    Much better.

    Thank you to everyone!

    Thanks to T-Town Girl, who forced Hot Buttered Rum upon me, and T-Town's sister, who is hysterical.

    Thanks to kiwi, for my package. (BWA-HA-HA! She said package!) (Although no, I haven't gotten it yet. The post office sucks. And they close at 4:30. Sorry. Tomorrow morning, I can get it.)

    Thanks to my mother, who listened to me vent, and cheered me up by telling me that SHE is learning from ME.

    Thanks to B-----, believe it or not, who has chosen this week to make me feel like the MVP. My career is moving along well and I have reasons to hope for a big raise, although I also learned today that two of my new hire friends already make 10% more than I do. Which is a lot. No wonder they can afford to live in the heart of Queen Anne. Oh well. Soon, soon!

    Also, thanks to B----- for being the sponsor of the largest employee owned and operated community fund in the world. (The Fund gave away 32 million dollars last year. And 19 million of that was in the Puget Sound Region alone.) And thanks to them for also providing a pizza lunch while a really hyper lady talked to us New Hires about it, and thanks to my aforementioned overpaid new-hire friends for giving their money away through it, because all of those events together--and reading thank you letters from people whose lives have been touched by the Fund--have given me a little Christmas spirit today.

    And most of all, thanks to all of my sorority sisters, whom I love dearly. I sent out a big mass email to my long-lost friends to get snail mail addresses, and I heard from a bunch of people and I loved all of them. Now I can't wait to send out Christmas (Holiday) cards.

    Also, it's beautiful here. Pictures are coming soon.

    Also, by a fluke, I weighed 132 pounds this morning. Seriously. Wow.

    Wednesday, December 07, 2005

    Mean Reds, or Remember, Poinsettas are Poisonous

    So, it's not like I'm unhappy, or anything. Not recognizeably. My birthday's coming up and I'm in a new relationship. Work is going well.

    There's some issue, though, that I can't put my finger on. I'm a little depressed, and I know this because I'm continually sleeping though my alarms and getting to work three hours late. (I can't believe that work is going as well as it is, as I'm getting at 9:00 am or later every freakin' day.)

    I'm just having one of those periods where I want to say, "Fuck it." I want to stop eating well. I want to eat everything in sight, actually: lots of cheese, peanut butter, and cheesy garlic bread. Pizza. Wine. Beer. I want to drink every night.

    I want to wake up late and skip work, I want to cheat on CAE (not that there's anyone in particular to do this with, I just want to ruin the relationship). I don't want to do the things I'm supposed to do. It's a case of the Mean Reds, as Holly Golightly would say.

    And yet I'm happy today (or I SHOULD be) because these pants that I'm wearing fit beautifully. And I bought them in early high school. When I was swimming five hours a day. But should my weight be so important to me that a good weight day should overwhelm faint depression? Probably not. So maybe this is a good thing.

    The always wise kiwi remarked, "Was something anguishy going on this time last year? I find I get emotional echoes quite a bit. Maybe you're unhappy that you're in a relationship again, even if you're happy in the relationship. As it were."

    And that's certainly possible--I mean, Jesus Christ, I had planned on being single for much longer than, say, a month. I might feel a little stifled. But I like CAE. So, here I am, back where I started. Sigh.

    Fuck everyone's cheesy posts about how this is their favorite time of year. Bah humbug.

    Tuesday, December 06, 2005

    Part Two of an Occasional Series: SIWALTA

    I was killing some time at work today, looking at the "gifts for men under fifty dollars" ideas on MSN. (Note: this is from Christmastime two years ago, so don't look for this article now.)

    The price range was under fifty, the gifts were simple yet high quality, and I was surprised at how cheap these name brand items were: I mean, a Moschino shirt for 34 dollars? My pair of moschino jeans (bought at a thrift store, she adds hastily) was originally 145 dollars. Ugg slides for 49.95 when the boots are 125? A Clarins facial treatment set for 37.50? The lotion alone is usually 37.50. And finally, the thing that killed me: a Fossil wallet for 35 dollars. I had just seen Fossil purses at Macy's for 115 dollars. What was going on?

    It came to me in a flash of light: men's goods are cheaper and of better quality than womenis goods.

    Of course, you could rationalize this, if you wanted to. Simpler construction? Okay, I'm prepared to believe that Ugg boots are more expensive to produce than slides. Fair enough. And, okay, maybe IN GENERAL purses are more expensive to make than wallets, but a large man's wallet and a small woman's clutch are roughly the same size—and the woman's clutch is, basically, an envelope with a zipper on top, and a man's wallet tends to have so many folds that it shapes his butt after awhile.

    Anyway, to economically account for such differences would take a LOT of added complication. And if amount of material/ease of construction was the only thing that affected price, women's goods should be generally cheaper than men's because they’re smaller. But we all know that this is not the case. No. Women’s goods just cost more. And why?

    Because women are more willing to pay money for useless crap.

    The saying goes, "Women will pay ten dollars for a twenty-dollar item they don't want, and men will pay twenty dollars for a ten dollar item they do want." You'd think this would imply that men are more willing to pay high prices, but that's not the case at all. The point of the saying is simply this: men have a greater innate understanding of the value of money.

    Yes, men get into credit card debt. Yes, men overspend on alcohol, food, and girls; yes, men are more likely to waste money gambling. But men have a clearer understanding of what they want, and they are willing to pay for it. They do mental math: I want this (37 inch flat screen TV) (hooker with 38DD breasts) (round of drinks for the entire bar) and I am willing to pay (this much) for it.

    A woman’s thought process: "I want a black skirt for work. Oh, look, they have pink sweaters on sale! This is a great price for angora. Am I really a pink sweater person? Can I be a pink sweater person? What if I got a new shade of lipstick, too? What if I got my hair done? Oh, they have blue sweaters on sale, too. What if I’m a blue sweater person?" If she remembers about the black skirts at all, it’s because she sees a rack of them, dismisses the price as too much money to pay for a skirt—"You can find skirts for half that much!" and goes home with two sweaters (on sale), a new lipstick shade (and she got a free gift with her purchase), and plans to get her hair cut, and no black skirt, which means she wakes up at the crack of dawn for work the next day having spent $83 and still has nothing to wear.

    Monday, December 05, 2005

    The First in an Occasional Series: Stuff I Wrote A Long Time Ago

    ...and have just now found. Many thanks to Hardware Engineer, who hates me for breaking up with him and doesn't read this anyway, for fixing my desktop computer.
    ---------------------------------------------
    We are our own Prince Charmings. Our mothers saw Cinderella singing, "Someday, my prince will come" and believed. When we grew up, our divorced mothers told us bitterly that no one's coming, so we set out to make sure we'd never need to be rescued. And now we have the uncertain pleasure of being so far ahead of the guys trying to date us that we need to rescue them. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't want to be in the habit of rescuing my boyfriends; if I wanted to be a mother, I'd get knocked up. And, frankly, I don't want him to rescue me either; frequently depending on someone else makes you ungrateful and bitter.

    Last night I was awoken by my dog barking ferociously; apparently, a bee the size of a small plane had flown in an open window and was beating itself against the walls of my apartment. There was no hope for it; I had to wake up, turn the lights on, and stand ready with a Pierce Transit schedule book to smack the living daylights out of it, or both my dog and I would stay sleepless in Tacoma. Eventually the poor bee landed on a wall close enough to my reach that I was able to kill him and bury him in the garbage can. The crisis passed. Dog and girl went back to sleep. Musing sleepless some hours later, I realized that it hadn’t occurred to me to call a nice man. My dog is adept at killing monster-truck-sized spiders, but not so good at catching bees. And I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep comfortably knowing that a 747 of a bee was flitting around my apartment, possibly about to sting me with a stinger the size of a hypodermic syringe. So I, quite calmly under the circumstances, stood ready with a bus schedule. No problem.

    This may be partly because at this time I don't have a man to call. Had a nice man already been present, I would have definitely squealed and clutched him, pointing out the bee with a shaking finger and cowering in the corner, leaving him to take care of it—even though I knew I could have handled it quite well myself. Is there a dichotomy between the two actions? No. In this hypothetical situation of a man being present, I probably would have cooked dinner for him earlier in the evening. And possibly cleaned my apartment for his arrival. And these are well-known gender-specific actions. So why shouldn't I depend on him to kill my bugs? He shouldn't get the benefit of my femininity if I can't take advantage of his masculinity.

    What does this mean? Being able to revel in typical gender roles has become a luxury. I would have cooked dinner for myself anyway, but it's a luxury, the fulfillment of a fantasy, to cook for someone else. I feel like Sandra Dee. I could have killed the bee myself, but it’s even more of a luxury to let someone else do it.
    ----------------------------------------------

    Update on the above: when I crashed my car (because I'm a terrible driver), I didn't call TheBoy, my boyfriend at the time. And he wasn't happy about that.

    And now that I'm dating CAE, he pays for things, even though I make more money than he does, and that's okay--he likes to do it. It's sexy to him, to be able to treat a girl that he really likes to something she wants, even if it's as small as a cup of coffee, even if she can afford it by herself.

    It's a luxury to him.

    And now that I live with a guy, although he's Roommate and not CAE, it was an absolute pleasure to bat my eyes at him several months ago when I dropped a pearl earring down the sink. He rolled his eyes and said of course he would fix it, and he did, right there, while I oohed and aahed. Last week when I worked from home two days in a row, I made cookies and cleaned the entire house. I enjoyed the thought of him coming home to a clean house.

    On the other hand, he cleans the house a lot more, overall, and recently scrubbed out the tub. And I could have retrieved my own earring.

    CAE still cleans up frantically before each time I arrive at his house, likes to drive when we go out, and gets my drinks, and I enjoy wearing lingerie for him.

    Gender roles are both a necessity, like good manners, and a luxury, like dressing up and eating pate; they make the world go around, and yet when you perform them with someone you really like, they become heavenly game. Because there's nothing sexier than being so comfortable with your power as a gender-inspecific citizen of the world than being able to dress up in girliness, and being able to play-act with a guy who's so comfortable with himself that he can ENJOY picking up the reins because he knows you could drive the relatioship if you wanted to.

    Interesting, wordy, and hawt.

    Sunday, December 04, 2005

    The Human Race: Doomed or Not?

    First, a very scary story:

    This weekend, I and CAE met some mutual friends at a bar called The Rocker in Mill Creek. Beers were had, pool was played. The friends all left together--four guys, carpooling. My friend M was driving. As they drove down 164th, a car pulled up on their left, passing them, they thought. They heard four loud pops. And then in a shaky voice, their friend J in the back seat said, "Guys...I think I've been shot."

    He had been. The driver of the car apparently though that my friend M had cut him off earlier, and so he did what any normal person would do: follow the guys that cut him off for several miles, drive up next to them on their driver's side, get his .45 out of the glove compartment, lean across his girlfriend in the passenger seat, and shoot at them, four times.

    One bullet lodged in the driver's side windshield. Two went into the floorboards, and one went through the back door, glanced off J's leg, ricocheted around in the car, and landed in another passengers lap. All were fine--J had a large welt on his leg, but he was fine. Yes, they called it in right away, and the police caught the shooter. (He still had his gun IN his car.) His girlfriend spilled her guts. My friends spent three hours between the police station and the hospital.

    And my friend M (the driver) and C (the shotgun rider) STILL went skiing with me and 12 others at Stevens Pass the next day. Yes, that's how we roll.

    So, is the human race doomed, if people like this shooter exist?

    Maybe not. After all, Great Britain has legalized 'civil unions' for gay couples. Not the real thing, as gay activists here are quick to point out. But it's a step in the right direction.

    Thursday, December 01, 2005

    Quotes Of The Day

    From the always clever SheWalks:

    "steamy, foamy eggnog mixed with espresso is pretty much hot orgasm in a cup."

    (so glad she's back, by the way! after mean comments and ish-ness and god knows what else, she's back, and she's funny as hell.)

    And of course from T-Town Girl, whose entire post today is just a beautiful thing:

    "I will, as long as I live and breathe, cherish my God given right to order and ship a stranger’s shit to anyone I know."

    (side note: try saying, "cherish and ship a stranger's shit" five times fast.)